The addict in me had joined up with the INCNC stood in my face laughing as they received their satisfaction with each puff ~~with each hit. I walked around feeling defeated for a few weeks, but I had to move on.

I was going to school full time and my unemployment benefits were quickly running out ~~ I had to keep moving forward. The warrior in me knew each battle fought, either won or not, gave bounty. As I studied the war with cigarettes and the INCNC, I secretly planned to stop smoking again.

Dissecting some of the thoughts I had about cigarettes brought me to several revelations. First, as I held this unlit skinny cigarette between my fingers the thought of "This little thing has held me as a slave for years. Impossible! ~~How can this little thing have such a hold on me? Cigarettes ~~slave owner ~~ruler. I can not just escape, I must break this hold on me." All of these thoughts disgusted me, especially the knowledge of defeat. The thoughts had gathered as if an award winning documentary had been secretly produced.

Fast forwarding I got a job, which I liked for most parts. Unfortunately, I was scheduled to work on Sundays, one of two days requested as off days. Not being able to attend church was a nagging bone of contention. Overtime being mandatory and tiring. Insomnia was now the norm and I was losing weight. Working in this new position did not afford me the opportunity to smoke often. Usually, in an eight hour shift I smoked three or four cigarettes, which 1/3 burnt out on its own. This soon reduced to two cigarettes and I increased my liquid intake ~~ugh, water.

Yet, the INCNC had not disband nor had I abandoned plans to conquer my slave owner ~~cigarettes. A plan was not being formulated in fragments. I could not afford for the INCNC to get a clue of any part of my plan of attack.

As I took in all types of information from here and there about quitting ~~letting go, I stored them deep inside my conscious and in separate areas. Storing the meaning of commitment ~~studying GOD's Word ~~coming back to the knowledge there is a plan for my life. Yet, if I continued to smoke I wouldn't be allowed a ‘pass', nor would I be able to fulfill HIS plans for me.

I fought and won after seven months ~~ Sundays off. Back to church I went, I needed the fellowship of church ~~the experience ~~praising ~~singing ~~being taught and having GOD's Word confirmed. Yet, I still smoked ~~smelled like it and longed for one as I walked to my car.

There were two people on my job who had stopped smoking. One was in her twenties and the other was in his thirties each seemed committed and was winning. I admired each of their efforts and gave them encouragement. And, I longed to become a ex-smoker, too. Since jealousy of people or their possessions was not the norm for me; being envious of their smoke free lifestyle seemed like a good envy to have.

New York State had began a more aggressive anti-smoking campaign. The commercials were not only being played at all times of day. But, one caught my attention the most....there was a man who outlined what smoking had done to him from in his 20's until now. His final sentences showed a full shot of him --- one leg and on crutches. This commercial slapped me in the face ~~I was in shock and disturbed. I went to work and talked about this commercial and others had seen this one, too.