A Timeline for Smokers

The Midlife Gals (r) Health Guide
  • Let's just start with the year 1938. I don't know why. Some of my details in the following time-line might not be entirely correct, but I don't care so don't send me any hate mail or statements like the guy last week who said, "Get your facts straight." That's just rude. Anyway...


    Little Boy - "Daddy, what's a cigarette?"
    Daddy - "Well, son, this country was built on a crop called ‘tobacco' and the Native Americans smoked it in pipes. Cornerstone of this United States of America."


    Little Girl - "Mommy, why do you smoke those? What do you call them, cigawets?"
    Mommy - "Honey, there's a movie star named Lauren Bacall. When I smoke these my voice sounds low and sultry just like hers."

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    Little Boy - "Daddy, everybody smokes cigarettes. Can I have one?"
    Daddy - "Hell, no son, you're too young. Wait till you're sixteen and I'll take you out in the Edsel and give you your first one. Good things never change."


    Little Girl - "I want to smoke with a cigarette holder just like you. Your long fingernails look so pretty. And I want to blow smoke rings too."
    Mother - "Ummm, Winstons taste good like a cigarette should."
    Little Girl - "Us Tarryton smokers would rather fight than switch!"
    Mother - "Oh, honey, don't say that. That's horrible. It's ‘WE Tarryton smokers would rather fight than quit. You must use proper language."


    Little Boy - "Daddy, the Surgeon General said smoking that cigarette is bad for you and it could make you sick."
    Daddy - "Don't you worry little buddy, they can't prove that, and my daddy smoked till the day he died of lung cancer back in ‘58'. Hogwash, I like the way they taste."


    Little Girl - "Don't do that mommy. It smells bad."
    Mommy - "Don't mind me honey, besides, it doesn't hurt you. Just be quiet and make your way through the smoke cloud into the kitchen and get me a beer, will you sweetheart?"

    Little Boy - "I thought you said you were going to quit the cigawets."
    Daddy - "I am but just not right now. These suckers are addictive you know. Don't ever start smoking or I'll kill you. Do what I say not what I do."


    Little Girl - "It's cold out here. Can't we go in?"
    Mother - "Sorry, honey, you can't smoke ‘inside' anywhere in the world anymore. Go on in and finish your Happy Meal. I'll be right in."


    Little Boy - "Daddy, what's that man doing?"
    Daddy - "He's what we call a drug addict, buddy. He's doing a drug called nicotine. Against the law. He's a derelict. Keep away from him."


    Little Girl - "Mommy, what's a cigarette?"
    Mommy - "I don't know sweetie, why don't you Google it?"


    Well, there you go. Things are always changing, and someday people will wonder why we did stuff that made us sick. You live and learn. We will all go down as a generation who made discoveries that helped the world. After all, we mapped the genomes, produced ‘Project Runway" and invented the Frito pie.





Published On: October 30, 2008