A Message for Rude Smoking Quitters

The Midlife Gals (r) Health Guide
  • You know who you are. You are worse than the people who never smoked at all. You have a sense of accomplishment that morphed into a god complex sprinkled with glittering arrogance and a turned up nose. You are so proud of yourself that you have to make the world aware of your triumph. Let's see...how does one do that when, really, nobody cares? I know, be really rude to smokers so everybody can see how perfect you are and how stupid the smokers are.


    The poor smokers deserve your pity, not your badly acted and indicated disdain. They are relegated to outdoor sand ashtrays, back alley dumpster smells and Aunt Pearl's freezing back porch, so that they can get a quick fix of a highly addictive, legal drug. They are not happy about their circumstances. As they stand there, embarrassed that they are sucking on poisonous chemical sticks from a shiny box, you don't need to punish them with your disapproval as you do your fake cough and wave your hand in front of your face as you pass by. And just so you know...it makes you look like you just farted.

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    I found out while working in the movie business that peoples' open disapproval of smokers is decidedly selective. For instance, the very same farter mentioned above would not perform such physically obvious and demeaning mannerisms in the presence of a butt can surrounded by Collin Ferrell, Russell Crowe and Julie Andrews smoking it up like sailors and laughing like hyenas at a rabbit massacre. Au contraire, the very same farter would try to think of some way to join in with the merriment even if it meant having to bum a cigarette to get in with such a group. Suddenly the you're-not-as-good-as-I-am-see-my-disgust-non-smoker becomes Mr. Jeeves with a Liza Minelli smile.


    They say in Hollywood that you should always be nice to the waiters because they are all artists. You never know if one of them will be writing your next episode of your successful TV show and unable to get over the fact that you stiffed them on a six-top and treated them like a robot. Being a waiter is not fun. It's like taking a shower. You feel completely naked, invisible, and you still can't smoke. Same thing with a smoker at an AA meeting but that's a different blog.


    Being a smoker is a drag and everybody who does it wants to quit so leave them alone, feel sorry for them and behave yourself. You don't have the slightest idea who they are and what they contribute to the world. Put a nice chair or two and a far-out ashtray outside by your back door for them at the party. Check on them from time to time. They have been known to do silly little things around the butt cans like... have the most interesting conversations you've ever heard, figure out how particle-cell accelerators may change the world for the better, and come out with jokes that will cause laughter that will add two weeks to your life.


    I'm just sayin',


Published On: December 03, 2008