Day One Cold turkey, the patch

Hello. This is day one, hour one..Big sigh. I can say I am making progress because I've been on the computer 30min without smoking.  I feel I am backwards or the type to sabatoge myself. I feel this way because I've tried to quit by setting quit date, psyching and hyping myself up for the moment and then saying Nope, not gonna do it because I dont have to. That is self defeating. I am lucky that I get my prescription through the Veterans Admin and I don't have to pay for it because I am rated above 50%(that cancels out copays etc) My insurance on the job has a plan for quitting smoking, didn't look into it at all. I work in a veterans hosp. The staff and patients plus visitors smoke. I have noticed I can smell my clothing, my purse all have a smoky icky smell. That is embarrasing, I wear hair pieces, they stink, I try to cover it by spraying a shot of perfume, bad deal, I have allergies and migraines...self defeating right?Right?? I have had the patches sitting on the bathroom floor for a week, they were in the cabinet even longer, nope, not expired it's all good. I finally want to quit smoking forever.  I get irritated when people make comments about my smoking, I get irritated when a person goes on too long about my plan to quit. I is the problem..I I I I, me me me me. I have a different view today, I and me have to do this for I and me to benefit. Group therapy in person with people I know has proven unhelpful. This site, just today is making a big difference in the way I feel about me quitting the cigarette habit. They say it's wores than trying to come off heroin..that's really scary. Hey, I live in VA and on the news there is talk about getting a fine/ticket for smoking in the car with a child I see the point. My mom blames me for my daughters problems, sickness its the smoke, failing grades it's the smoke, My daughter put the patch on me today and she took the cigarettes and said she was going to get rid of them, they are wrapped in saran wrap, foil and more stuff and stuck in the freezer. I could not just throw them in the trash, when I've done that in the past, I immediately think to myself I can get some more at the store. Well, my friend the nurse is on the phone supporting my quitting. So I'll blog some more as the day goes on.

Thanks for listening, reading. Share with me. Support me I will be so glad to support you.