nonsanctimonious nonsmoking. and other random musings.

i had dinner tonight with a friend of mine who smokes. a lot. and not just cigarettes. or just cigars. he also eats a lot. and drinks. he's a good friend and i wish that the time he spent visiting me in the hospital had had more of an impact. but as much as i fear for him, it's not my place to judge. or even do much more then nudge. but back to dinner. we were seated outside, so smoking at the table was allowed. so he did. between courses. heck, he smoked between bites! and it made me think about so many of the issues faced by former smokers. i worried for him, but also worried that anything i said would sound strident or priggish. all i could really do was point out that i felt better without smoking. so the first issue was about how to influence a smoking friend. then there was the issue of his lighting up along side of me. we were outside on a breezy night. really, the smoke was blowing away from me. but it made me think about how quickly my nonsmoking has become a nonevent to others. no more cheering me on. no more consideration! but the most important thing that i realized was that my desire to smoke is gone. i wasn't jealous or wistful. just happy for me and really really sad for him. as i hugged him goodbye (holding my breath) i silently said a prayer for him. and sometimes that's all you can do. and sometimes that's enough.