Adam's Story: Dealing with the Big C
Good day everyone,
In response to Sue's comment I would like to share how everyone is dealing with this time. It is hard on many people, even me, out of the hospital and beyond the effects. I do spend a lot of time feeling like a bit of a burden. I went away to school at the age of 15, and now at the age of 22 I am back under the care of my parents. I cannot really do much in the form of work, so without my help it is a little tight now. I normally work a couple jobs and 50+ hours a week in the summer and a decent bit to pay for things in school, about 15-20 hours per week.
Furthermore, my mom cannot work as much as she normally does because she is stuck with the job of being my home nurse at times. I really feel pressed and am saddened because she has to sacrifice more of what she has to take care of a son that sometimes has a problem taking care of himself...obviously due to the cancer and everything else. It is more cooking, cleaning, and adversity she is stuck with.
My dad is taking it both good and bad. I know that he does not know really how to deal with this whole thing. In fact, I really do not know how to entirely deal with this thing, and my mom does not know how to deal with this thing. My brother is away and surely he is baffled too. He comes home in 9 days, but I wish sometimes he did not need to see me in such states of weakness and frailty that I succumb to at times.
My friends are all sticking close and helping me through this entire thing as much as they possibly can. I really found out how big some hearts really are and I am glad to have found that out. My whole life I looked to helping others as a way of somehow helping myself. I will use the cliche about the gift is better giving, and for me it has always been the case. In fact, I really thrive on the opportunity of having my blog at www.adamfrey.us and also writing here. I can turn this negative and scary endeavor into a positive thing for many.
My mom told me today that she does not know how I am able to go into a hospital and get poked, prodded, and poisoned every day and have the attitude I have. The symptoms can bring the strongest people to their knees physically and ware every last nerve raw emotionally. It is a hard process on all of the people going through this with me. The steroids cause me to be overemotional at times. To be honest I have a hard time handling it. I never was that way before; I, like anyone, took some times to blow off some steam, but never could only one straw break the camel's back. My mom also said today that the first question she is going to ask God is why did he put her son through so much?
It could be much worse for anyone and I am just trying my best to keep my chin up with everything that I have been dealt. Cancer has its positives if you find them. I personally found a talent in writing and am currently working on a forward to my book right now titled: Wrestling Cancer: A Story About the Fight of My Life. I hope to have it ready to go before I go back to school in late January. I hope you all read it. In my biased opinion, I think it will be good.
The last couple of weeks have been going well. My tumor marker is down to under 5 right now and I am closing in on beating this every day. I have been living life to the best of my ability, still going out, still lifting, still pushing through the pain as much as I can take. My doctor thinks I am a little twitched in the head, most of my friends think I am plain crazy, but my fight every day is to not let cancer dictate my life any more than it can. I have to go to chemo and everything else. I do have symptoms-including the new skin color one which caused me a trip to the hospital- but I make it a point to not let it bother me more than it needs to. I do not always succeed, but if you do not reach your goals, you have to refocus, find out where you went wrong, and try again.
I think that last comment may be heplful to some of you reading this post. Failure hurts, it is not what we want, but if you learn from it, it becomes not a failure but a learning experience. When asked about inventing the lightbulb and ultimately failing over 3,000 times, Thomas Edison said, "I just succeeded in finding 3,000 ways of how to not make a lightbulb." He was not phased but rather he learned from his experience and became a better inventor.
So, when you experience those cravings, the withdrawl, the depression, and everything else, keep to it, one more day may get you over that hump. If you succumb, do not think of it as giving up or failing, rather go back to the drawing board, search for that strength within your soul and devise a better plan to accomplish your ultimate goal.
I have faith that every person reading this with a desire to quit will make it if they truly want to. It may not be the first time, may not be the seventh time, but if you keep your chin up and keep fighting and keep trying, you will ultimately succeed.
I never smoked in my life and I have a hard time knowing what you are going through, but I do understand what it is like to fall short of very important goals, and I do understand the sacrifice and the fight. I promise you.
That is about all I really have to say for this week. Keep fighting to better yourself every day.