Happy New Year! A Nicotine-Free Life Can Be Yours
Either I have less fear in my life or have learned to live with fear or both.
I'm having coffee now and am blossoming into my day, so to speak; presently more into wake up mode than sleepy thoughts, feelings.
New Year's Eve is tomorrow and last night I dreamt being around a crowd of judgmental smokers and I also smoked from a red pack of cigarettes.
Again, as I've dreamt before, albeit infrequently, "I'm a fraud; I'm smoking!" But didn't I write a book about my having stopped smoking? Somewhere in this nicotine-relapse fantasy I awaken.
Even as I come into consciousness I realize that the dream was a combination of experiential memories mingled with fear fantasies, B.S., and who knows what else?
I was clearly feeling end-o'-the-year-life-is-finite-and-what-does-it-all-mean-lost loves-opportunities missed-yet-grateful gains - along with unsettling feelings - momentary melancholy - then into a solid, stronger place: "I've done the best I can and I'm OK."
And, yes, I'm still an ex smoker; I did not relapse and I'm not a fraud (afraid?) after all.
My not-OK-ness tendencies were ingrained many years earlier, I suppose, when, as a wee child, playing innocently in a sandbox by the side of my modest Forth Worth, Texas, home, slightly older neighborhood children passed by (this part of our lawn wasn't gated) and taunted me, kicking sand in my face again and again.
Several years later, whilst playing with school children my own age, a couple of older boys came upon us and - singling me out - drenched yours truly with water guns for what seemed like a long, fearful humiliating time. My peers did not intervene, grateful, I guess, that they'd escaped this cruelty.
Perhaps these early-life experiences, along with other formative-years setbacks, helped set me up for a later life of heavy boozing and smoking to "fit in," to belong and/or to escape/cope.
Each new year - for over fifteen years now - has presented the potential of yet another comfortable nicotine-free period for me.
As we begin another new year, are you where you'd like to be in regard to cigarettes?
Are you still smoking? If so, you have yet another opportunity to begin anew. So what if you've tried again and again and relapsed? Who says you won't succeed this time? Try again. Go for it.
At this time - years ago - as I've previously shared - I've experienced the self-esteem of a slug. This tearfully fearful way of life has diminished over time. Whatever your emotional state may be - you deserve to be free from nicotine addiction! Make this new year a cigarette-free triumph for yourself. Have a Happy New Year!
Visit me at Quitnicotinenow.net. I look forward to being with you again next week.