Today is my first time doing this on this sight but I just hope it helps to get somethings off my chest. Here I am 48 yrs. of age and go to the doctors every week and just wish I could work once more but I know there are limits and work has to be in my way and not get over welded. I do know I would find myself doing ten things at once as if I was working on the ambulance again. Then the shacks come and sweat like I came out of the shower and stutter and fight to hide it from people. Because that is why my first wife calls me a mental case and my daughter hates me and the last time I saw her she was four yrs of age. And now shes eleven I don't get any reports on here and I took my X-wife to court and all that came out of that was I was abusing my daughter and the courts have taken my X's side and after three years of hell everything was unfounded But I just wait for the courts to say I can see my daughter but it's like my X said she was going to get my daughter to hate me and now the courts just want to drag there feet. And now I think it's to late for me to get to know my daughter and have that bond we once had. Well that all for today I'm get hurt at this time. Jim " The racingdj "



Dear Racingdj (Jim),
Thank you for chosing to post here.
PTSD is a serious illness, and it saddens me to hear that your ex-wife refers to you as a "mental case." Such hurtful words leave a mark on you as well as your daughter (if this type of language is spoken around your daughter as she is still young and may not be educated in mental illness issues). Further, an allegation of abuse to your daughter to prevent any type of custody is shameful on your ex-wife's part. I am glad that you share that all washed out as unfounded; however, it cost you much time (and I am thinking was devastating for you), and for that, that is a disservice to you and the time that could have been better spent with forming a relationship with your daughter.
(On a personal note, I did not begin to have a real relationship with my own father until I was over 18 years old. For us, it wasn't too late. I never would have guessed at the time that my dad and I would have the relationship we do.)
I, too, have PTSD. I am fortunate in that I am now able to be much more productive than I used to be (I am 39 years old). I am no longer brought down by shakes and triggers like I once was. I share that, because there is reason to believe that your days forward will not always look and feel like today. I too had to find the schedule and situation that worked best for me and at my pace to get to a place of recovery with my PTSD. Committing to effective treatment is needful to support you as you discover what works best.
You share you are seeing your doctor weekly. Do you like your therapist? Do you feel like you are getting effective treatment?
Please keep us posted, as this community is not a place of judgment, but of support. If we can answer any thoughts or concerns, please let us know.
Best,
Kimberly Tyler