I want my misery to end. (triggering)

I can't take things anymore. People are going to interpret the why's of it however they want. My mind is demanding death and I don't have the stomach for suicide. But I can't take the pain any more.

Please pray for a friend of seven years who is going to be devastated should something happen. I've hung on for as long as I could. Because I am on morphine for chronic pain, no psychiatrist will give me proper therapy.

I just spent the past hour outside my church, begging God to end my misery or end my life. I have long since come to the conclusion that He wants me to suffer.

I hate living with regular suicidal ideation.