The struggle to meet my OWN needs

The drop down menu to identify myself, and my interests related to depression and bipolar disorder in order to make this posting is much like my daily life- trying to find the most appropriate means to classify myself at any given time is almost impossible. I need an "all of the above" option.

My maternal grandmother suffered from Bipolar I for her entire adult life. I was diagnosed myself as Bipolar II as a young adult, after multiple episodes of recurrent major depression with bouts of hypomania. My 22 year old daughter was diagnosed with Bipolar II a few months ago, and I have an older brother who is Bipolar I. My best friend from my early adulthood was Bipolar, and committed suicide 15 years ago. I am also an ANCC certified Pyschiatric RN, have worked in the field of behavioral health for almost 27 years, and currently work on a locked inpatient psychiatric unit.

I have recently attempted to start a local chapter of the DBSA for my own community, hoping to find at least one hour of the week when I could "be" all of my roles at once, in a safe place. I keep trying to get the local newspapers to at least post the meeting location and time on the community happenings area of the newspaper, but it hasn't been published yet. I have flyers at the library, physician's offices, the community center, grocery stores and so on, along with one on the inpatient unit. So far, I go to the meeting site every week, hope that someone will show up, and spend at least an hour waiting, until my husband says "ok, maybe someone will come next week, don't be discouraged", and try to use that time constructively for my own mental health.

Coming "out of the closet" from the relatively safe role of the professional, and acknowledging that not only do I recognize the face of mental illness, but I *am* the face of mental illness, is frightening. Having realized, more and more, that I need to gain support, not just provide it, was a big step- but sitting alone is wrecking havoc on my mood. I joined this community in the hopes that if there is no support for me in my real neighborhood, I might find some here, or at least enough to keep trying to juggle my own depression, my concerns about my loved ones, and my ability to provide counsel and support to my patients, without going home every night and wondering if I'll ever get the opportunity to take care of myself.