Can sexual abuse and family problems cause relationship commitment issues?

By Barelybreathing Monday, November 17, 2008

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Hello my friends,

I want to ask whoever who read this, do you think that sexual abuse and family relationship issues impact the individuals relationship?

I for myself, dont want to believe that because i strongly believe that I am the one who controls my life. So that means those events should not be given importance. But, anyone who goes through my crappy relationship statuses can only assume i think only one thing - SHE HAS GONE MAD????

Dear Friends can you please help me identify whether I have commitment issues???

a.) I had my first crush when i was 12 years. This guy was than 14years old. I even proposed to him that i was in love with him. But he made fun of me and we never talked till today.

b.) The next crush was when i was 13years old. I started dating this guy. he was 4years older than me. we went out for nearly a year. i was very sad that time when he broke off what we had.

c.) Than the next guy i went out was way older than anyone. he was in his 20s while i was just 14years. we kissed a few times, but it was just a short time thing that lasted for around 3months. i got bored and i moved onto another person

d.) Than i had a crush with one of my tiution class mates. He was two years older than me. we flirted with each other a lot. this guy was than dating another girl. But i really liked this guy unlike the other guys. I was really into him. But knowing that he was dating another girl, i didnt want to be an intruder inbetween them, so i walked away. Nevertheless we had contact each other and we are friends till today.

e.) Next i went with a colleage of mine who was also way older than me. he was also in his 20s while i was 14yrs. but it lasted short too. just like 2-3months.

f.) Than i got back again with my first boyfriend (b). than i was 15yrs old. this time also it lasted like around 9months. we broke up in agreement. i was not in any misery this time. I was happy.

g.) again i hooked up with another ex-boyfriend (e), the one who dated previously. but it didnt last either. I got bored and as my GCSE exams came up, i focused into my studies ingnoring all these stuffs.

In between all these hook ups, i really liked this guy (d). We are friends till today. I liked him at that time. he had a pretty big influence over me in over all my relationships till i had my very first real relationship.

h.) After completing my 10th form, i started dating a guy who was 4yrs older than me. I was than 16years. This guy was 20years. I really liked him. But my mom strongly disliked the relationship. but somehow we lasted for nearly 3 and half years.

while i was dating this guy, i had an infatuation with one of my class mates in high school. i really liked him and he also liked me. but as i was in a relationship, he walked away from me. so my relationship with that time boyfriend went smoothly. this relationship started suffering, once i started working.

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Comments (7) | Add comment

psychoward1

11/17/08 12:49pm

of the choices that we make and this is all that we control. Today I choose to cleanse my house. Will that only affect me? No. It will affect anyone that notices that I acomplished this task. Every single relationship that you have no matter how short it is will have some sort of effect on you. In your letter to me you seem to have the need to be in a relationship with someone. Check into someone to talk to, friend or counselor or therapist. HHopefully this helps,

Pat

achaius_07

11/17/08 5:53pm

Wow... I think that yes, sexual abuse does impact your relationship. Why wouldn't it? You didn't actually mention any abuse in your multiple relationships--but I think you may have been victim of some?

Just stick with one guy!! One boyfriend is hard enough...

AmyBeeBlue

11/17/08 6:04pm

I was sexually abused when I was younger by my father and I was raped at a young age as well. I have found that this lead to my "experimentation" with dating women, then when I realized that was only because I was afraid of men. Now, in my current relationship, of 6 years, I found that it took about 3 years for me to deal with my issues. I thankfully have a boyfriend that was willing to put up with my "issues". The key was communication. I told him about my past and how I was feeling about our relationship. Communication and time is what did it for me. Now, if I can just deal with my bipolar depression, all will be well.....

midnite

11/18/08 8:10am

I too was sexually abused by my grandfather at a young age. I also had a crush on alittle boy in kindergarden with me who was killed by a car on Valentines day.

Now at this age of over 50 I'll come up with reasons not to let anyone get close to me in fear I'll get hurt again,,,2 bad marriages under my belt too.

thinkpink

12/ 7/08 9:50pm

you are so young, and if you asked other young people about their romances you would find its pretty much the same. The abuse you suffered has contributed to this fact at a certain degree, you need to feel loved, and anyone thats going to say they love you is a shoe in.Being abused you need to be loved[mostly by older men] it was probably an older man that did it, I dont know why it just is. You will keep on doing this untill you find the man that was meant to be the one.Obviously the men in your life arn't fulfilling you enough, so the only thing you can do is walk away, I know its hard but you have to, or you'll see these problems will never go away. Somewhere out their is your soul mate, you just have to have the patience to find him. You will know, thats why its called womens intuition. I too was abused, you never get over it,you just learn to live with it.

Scott

3/ 5/09 6:30pm

I just saw this today. I hope you are not married yet. If so you will just have to have that as an added issue. In any case, as a therapist with 40 years of experience, it seems quite clear to me that you truly need to take a deep breath and try to find a GOOD therapist to work with you on the issues you described.

Clearly, abuse and family issues have a powerful impact on the way you are in intimate relationships in particular. I work with many women that have similar situations but are much older than you. They have suffered tremendously. (Women who were abused are at least 3 times as likely to divorce or have affairs than those that weren't). Do your self a BIG favor and find a GOOD therapist ASAP and save yourself a lot of heart ache by dealing with these issues NOW! Best wishes.

zues

5/ 9/13 8:26pm

I can only speak on my own behalf, I was sexually abused as a child and have never really had a healthy sexual relationship.

Can sexual abuse and family problems cause relationship commitment issues?

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