New To This Site!

I found this web site by accident, tonight, during my attempt to search the internet for help regarding my depression. I'm usually not really "into" doing things like these .. but I figured there isn't anything I could loose by trying this out! So, here I am.

My struggle .. is quite the story, and it's one that will take some time to get it all out there and into the open. My life is completely falling apart day by day, and I can't seem to conjour enough motivation to do anything to improve it anymore. I want to, I know I have to ... but I physically can't any longer. My friends and family look at me like such a failure (or at least I think they do) to the point where I'd rather hide in my bed.. rather than be around them. I can't stand to be alone and yet I can't stand to be around them.

I'm fighting a battle just to make it to the end of the day, somewhat happy... or not as depressed. The feelings I keep about my past failures keep me from ever wanting to take a risk and creating more. I know this is just an endless cycle of behaviors/emotions that I am putting myself through ... I know that I am un-happy because I'm not doing anything, and I'm not doing anything because I am un-happy --but I've reached a point of no return.. and it seems like everyone I know/trusted has become "tapped out" on wanting to help me. The last thing I want to be, is a burden on those I love.. I can live with myself, why should I dis-place how I feel onto them? So, because of this (and sooo soo much more) I have created this hard-outer shell, I've gotten really great at lying, and not allowing a single person "in."

.....Since that has done so much more harm than it ever did any good, here I am.. looking onto the help of strangers to at least get some feedback into everything I am going through!! I am open to chat with anyone who wants, and I really look forward to it!!

-Silently Screaming