I dont know where to begin.

I'm starting to feel numb, I'm so sad, and depressed.

I'm tired of trying; let me start from the begining.

My names Cat,

I'm 18, living in New york. I've been emotionally and physically abused by the people closest to me in life. I have stable relationships with them now. Violence has always been apart of my life. I just remember tons of fighting, nothing good. I try everyday to just remember something pleasent. I just remember my grandma, that passed away many years ago.

I hide my depression good, I'm the goofy, funny, caring friend. I'm told I'm pretty. I dont feel like I am. I have gained some weight and that makes things worse.

I got out of a ricky relationship, and now my parents decide after all these years to get a divorce.

My dad wants to keep my mom,

my mom wants out, everyday i get a phone call from my father, him crying, telling me hes losing everything,

We have lost our home, our cars, our everything. When times are hardest everyone is giving up, trying to take a different direction. I refuse to feel sorry for myself. I refuse to lose control. I dont think about my past anymore, Its not who I am.
But I'm slowly losing control. I dont know where to turn to, who to turn to. I'm just so sad, I dont want to get out of bed in the morning, I'm out of school, to clean, and take care of my little brother. I'm tired of being a parent, but theres no one else there to do it. I just am losing it. I try to meet good guys out there, but just end up getting used and abused. I'm tired, and just want to sleep and wake up when things make sence.