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There's always hope..
Peanut
Monday, July 07, 2008 at 12:22 PMre: There's always hope..
CindyLB
Monday, July 07, 2008 at 07:33 PMThank you for your kind words - and you are right. If I could pick us up and move us here I can do it again. This time I would be probably leaving two of the 3 children behind - one is 21 and out on his own, has friends, a girlfriend, etc., and the other is 19 and with a guy that she thinks she's going to marry and he'll never leave Kentucky - to much family here. So, though I know in my head that I don't need to be here just because they are, in my heart I'm feeling that pull to not leave them. This sort of feels backwards - kids are supposed to grow up and move away from home, not the kids grow up and MOM moves away from home! lol. We have a few possibilities we are checking into. One is in Vermont, where we have some friends that we've known for about 20 years, and the other is in Arizona. Both options are open, and I know we could PHYSICALLY make the move, but I've been holding back because I know that I'm scared. Yes, a lot of it is leaving my two adult children behind, but another part of it is that I'm afraid to make another mistake as big as this one has been. I have given myself a time line of next spring to get it together and make a decision, and I'm trying to lay some ground work in the meantime by getting an internet business going (have internet, will travel) that can go anywhere I do, getting the finances in order to be able to make a move, then deciding where I want to go - where I want to BE! I have to admit, I never thought at my age I would be wondering what I was supposed to do with the rest of my lift. I've always been MOM. I raised the kids on my own so I was it...and I guess now that I'm NOT "it" for everyone I'm lost. Now I'm trying to figure out who I am and what it is I really want. That website you mentioned - if you can find that I'd love to know more about it. Maybe I'll get even a few more ideas that I can check in to. I jokingly keep telling my children that I'm in no hurry, I have nothing but time on my hands - and part of that is true - but that other part of that is that I'm lost because I DON'T know where I'm supposed to be, I DON'T know what will make me happy, I DON'T know who I really am. That person has been gone for a lot of years, and rediscovering her now is really a little scary.
Today has been a much better day that the past few, and I'm actually up and moving, doing work, went to town and got groceries and all that. When I have days like this I know that communicating with people is a lot healthier for me than shutting myself off and hibernating. Sometimes we need to hear what others are in the midst and share some of ourselves. It's funny the things that I've said to other people that I'll stop and think "wow, I really should try that in my own life". lol So, yes, even though I'm going to go look for your sharepost, I'd love for you to get back in touch with me and tell me about you and your children. Maybe we can share kind words with each other that will help brighten each of our days.
I'll look forward to hearing from you.
Cindy
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Cindy B
rev soc bloem
Tuesday, July 08, 2008 at 12:59 PMDear Cindy,
I am sorry for what you and your children have experienced. No wonder you are worn out. It sounds like you and your children have post traumatic stress disorder.
You should go to a mental health professional in your area and be evaluated.
You have shown amazing courage.
I am praying for you.
Steve Bloem
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Run From Kentucky!!!
Mamee
Tuesday, July 15, 2008 at 10:39 AMAs I'm sure you know now, coming to KY. was a mistake. #1, you were adopted at 3, that should have told you where you stood with the biological family. You never exsisted before you started to look for them. What I would do to them over the animals, well I believe they hand out jail sentences for it. You have to erase these people from your life, get far away, take you children and run. Starting over is hard but it cant be any harder than what your dealing with now. I too live in KY. this place has cost me everything, the lives of 2 of my children, and so much more than I can mention. My mistake was leaving Oklahoma. I beat myslf up everyday for that errror in life. There is family here, but that is a huge disappointment. Family is the hardest to deal with. Your wonderful if your giving, but if you need, your alone and they can hurt you worse than any enemy you ever had. Save yourself and your children and run. You and your children will be in my prayers. Mamee
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Kentucky woman (not)
Mr. B
Friday, July 25, 2008 at 03:34 AMWhat a circus! Get as far away from that screwed up bunch of losers as you can! You've got more gumption under your fingernail than the whole lot of them!
I just shook my head...you have given them all and they want more... a bunch of takers.
The dog story pretty much summed up what they are made of...Sh-t!
Distance girl...get some rest and believe. You have come a long way...keep going...sounds like yu are blessed with great kids...thank God for that.
Shot the dogs...da_n! In front of the kids...they ought to have thier a____s kicked!
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That who situation is awfull!!! But, I keep telling myself everything happens for a reason, even though I have yet to see what good is going to come out of my whole deal. It sounds like you have been there for 7 years or so now? If you had the courage to pick up and move once, because of crazy neighbor kids, then why don't you do it once more? I have 3 kids myself and I know it's hard on little ones and big ones to pick up and leave, but what's most important to them and you is the 4 of you and everyone's happiness. KY might be a nice place to live, but with not so happy memories recently. I'm sure your extended family had some good in them for you to feel comfortable enough to move there in the first place. But the outcome doesn't sound so good. Why not try one more time to find a happy, new place? Somewhere where there is a variety of colleges to possibly choose from, or if everyone's working, somewhere that might satisfy everyone, and that there are options close by. There's a website, I believe it's called "find my place" or something similar, I can check and post back, but it ask you a series of questions, and gives you the top 20 cities that have all that you want, from all over the U.S. Have everyone input on it. Get a fresh start. A friend of mine did the same and didn't know a soul in the city that they chose and it was all the way on the other coast. I live in california and they moved to north carolina. They LOVE it. There's everything they want there and made it work with just 3 kids too. It's worth a shot.. fresh start.. I know it's hard, but maybe the right thing.. no more worrying about who's in the driveway or phone. You contact them and only give them maybe a cell phone to find you, nothing else. You talk to them on your terms and times. None of what happened there is your fault. There were issues way before you came. Everyone and some things can always look good on the outside. People are good at hiding a lot. If moving's a possibility and that site helps you, then look for work on line. Call the chamer there and have them send you information, newspaper info, then go on-line and research. Have phone interviews.. anything's possible, it's just getting up the courage to take the first step out of the fog. Once you are out of your comfort zone, anything is possible.
My story is just as crappy. I posted it on Asheral's comments. If you don't see it, I can tell you.. maybe you won't feel so bad once your hear what I'm in the middle of. My kids have gone through the wringer too, and it's not over.
Hang in there, know that somewhere, sometime things are better, and you're not alone. Someday your kids will understand too....