I am almost 50 years old so I have gone thru a lot of different phases in my passions and creative outlets. Mostly I love my family, especially my children who are grown now, but still endlessly fascinating. I love nature and being outdoors, flowers, fruits and vegetables, gardening, cooking, farmers markets. I like antiques and contraptions and history, I love gathering information. I used to make baby clothes and Halloween costumes, quilts and dresses. I love fabric, especially vintage materials, I used to collect a lot of linens, doilys, etc. I enjoyed bodybuilding, photography, music, travelling, too many things to even remember. Right now I am always on the lookout for discarded furniture to refurbish and makeover.
But when I am in the depths of depression, I don't feel any of this. It is a scary place to be and my brain is so filled with anxiety there is no room to think. I have wasted countless hours terrified and embarrassed, curled up in bed with a blanket over my head.
Frantic to find a cure, I have seen many doctors and taken lots of pills and gone to lots of therapy.
The thing that usually pulls me out is helping others. It took me too long to figure this out, but now I know THIS is what gives me a passion for life. It is not a thing, a possession, or knowledge. It is simply being there for someone who needs help. Even when I am pretty much incapacitated by my illness, I can still make a phonecall and listen to someone who is hurting worse than me, who is thankful I called and made their day a little better, even if I have nothing to say.
Embracing this knowledge has made me a better person. One of the worst things to me about depression is that I become very focused on my self and have felt I have nothing to offer, nothing to give. I am worthless, ugly, stupid and suicidal, I want attention and understanding and someone to heal me, me, me....I isolate until there is nobody to answer to, just leave me the hell alone.
The ONLY way out is helping others. Light a candle, help someone ELSE in some small way, and passion begins to flow thru my blood once again.
Peace my brothers and sisters.
I am beside myself after reading your article. I don't know the answers to these questions. I tend to wait for someone else to point me into directions that I go. I have lost my own direction. My own happiness. My free will. I really need to think long and hard about these questions. What does really make me happy? I don't know.....
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My cat, cats, Mexico, Latin America, the warm people there, goats, cows, nature, babies, children, lakes, mountains, streams, trees, animals, bicycling, running in nature, family, good friends, relationship, volunteering, planting plants, being outside. Being in third world countries. Inspiring people. Some of the things.