About 5 wks ago my then fiancee told me he "feels differently" about us. This came out of no where. We had been very happy together. I knew he wasn't happy with his job (long hrs, unrewarding), wants to get into shape, and feels he "lost his direction" in life. A month before the break up he got audited by the IRS and I had a miscarriage. So I see this as he was already unhappy with himself, then this pushed him over the edge. Days, weeks, months before the break up he told me how I was his happy constant in his life, how happy me getting my wedding dress made him, how much he loved me ect. Then "POW" the next week he wants to end it b/c he "feels differently" about us. I think he is depressed and wanted to see if you out there agreed.
I talked to him about counseling and he has now gone 3 times, but he won't really say much about the sessions other than maybe it is he doesn't feel like he deserves happiness w/ me since he is so unhappy w/ himself. That makes since to me. He hasn't tlaked to me in a week and very little before that. Its like he is pushing me away. I am being patient and want to help him as I truely love him and I know he felt the same. I think its not me or us he feels differently about, but overwhelmed with unhappiness and needs to get out of the cloudiness he is in. If you think this is depression...how can I besthelp him. Is giving him time and space best as he is pushing me away?
Thank you!
Reassure him that you love him and are not just going to give up on him because he is depressed. (He does sound depressed to me and most likely to his counselor, too.) Let him know you are willing to go through the rough times with him as long as he is willing to seek help. Encourage him to get a referral to a psychiatrist from his counselor. He may profit from taking antidepressants for a while. Sometimes they can lift your spirits just enough where you can get back on solid ground and not feel everything is slipping away.
Also, in the midst of these rough times, take care of yourself. You have already had a miscarriage and are now seeing your boyfriend pulling away. You could probably use some counseling yourself. I think you do sound very mature and very loving and willing to do what you can to save the relationship. But don't let yourself get caught in the snare of thinking you are responsible for his depression or for his recovery. He has to care enough about himself to WANT to feel better. These are tough economic times. Talk over your finances if you haven't already. Talk over your feelings for each other. You said he is not talking to you about much of anything, but getting him to talk may be exactly what both of you need.