Can I get out?

A few months ago, I would have gladly spilled out my life story right here and felt good about it. But I simply no longer have the motivation. I can't believe I'm even doing this...but I'm scared. Really scared. I need help so bad and I have no where to turn. My family can't afford for me to see a doctor or get counseling.

No one understands and no one's trying to. At first, a couple of my friends were there to pick me up, but once my breakdowns and "episodes" became more regular, they stopped listening. I can understand that...they have problems of their own and I certainly don't want to add to it.

I have managed to stop breaking down every single day. To be honest, I think I'm getting better. But right now, my life is catching up with me. I fell so behind in school that I'm not sure I have the ability to catch up, and I have to graduate this year. Everyone thinks that I procrastinated everything or that I was simply too lazy, but the truth is that it's hard to write a billion essays and analyze dumb advertisements when you're curled up on the floor, wondering if your life is worth living anymore.

Right now, I just want to talk. I need to talk to somebody who understands and who can relate. I actually overcame depression once and was free from it for about a year. I do know how to get through it, but believe me, it's harder the second time.