Okay, so maybe it wasn't such a miraculous recovery. I wouldn't say my depression is back, but it does peek in every once in while to remind me of how much it hurts. Does depression ever leave completely? Or is it that once you have it, it becomes part of you, and it will never go away...like a scar? I feel like I've been hurt so badly that I'll be crippled for the rest of my life. I shudder at the thought that I ever wanted to kill myself...that I was ever in that much pain. I can't forget what that felt like. I want to forget...I want to be able to live like it never happened. But I can't even imagine that. To me, wishing I could forget is like wishing I could fly. I feel like a bird that's had its wings clipped. Feathers grow back, don't they?
They do - grow back, I mean - but usually not quite the same way. I don't know whether your depresison will ever leave completely - for many, it's a chronic companion. But sometimes, you can manage it, keeping its impact on your daily life down to a dull roar.
Learning to live with a chronic illness is a two steps forward, one step back kind of existence, but it sounds like you've hit the forward path. Emily Dickinson said that "hope is the thing with feathers". Hope can help you fly.