I Should Win An Oscar

I should win an oscar, my act is so good. On the outside, I project hardworking, easygoing and happy, when in reality I am not.

I feel this dull ach inside of me, of the pain. The loneliness, the self hatred, the self conciousness, it is a constant pounding in my head. I believe I had some form of deppression for about 15 years, though my innocence at time, kept it from being fully realized.

I will be 28 later this year and I am fully concious of how precious life is and how much I am letting life pass me by.  I know the fear is only in my head and I have made small steps to conquer my fears and my self hatred, but it is not enough, it never feels enough.

I want to live life to the fullest, I want to be able to date and one day have children, I want to be able to have friends, but until I can conquer this self hatred, there is no way I will be able to move on with my life.