I should win an oscar, my act is so good. On the outside, I project hardworking, easygoing and happy, when in reality I am not.
I feel this dull ach inside of me, of the pain. The loneliness, the self hatred, the self conciousness, it is a constant pounding in my head. I believe I had some form of deppression for about 15 years, though my innocence at time, kept it from being fully realized.
I will be 28 later this year and I am fully concious of how precious life is and how much I am letting life pass me by. I know the fear is only in my head and I have made small steps to conquer my fears and my self hatred, but it is not enough, it never feels enough.
I want to live life to the fullest, I want to be able to date and one day have children, I want to be able to have friends, but until I can conquer this self hatred, there is no way I will be able to move on with my life.


It is good that you have come to the realization of needing help. Now that you have recognized the necessity for treatment you need to follow thru with the recommendations that society provides. No one should have to feel the way you do.
Recommended treatment options:
1.Counseling/therapy.
2. Medications.
Pat
I am in therapy, but I have not been able to see my therapist in several weeks.
I say this with compassion and understanding because I have been there. It is your responsibility to get the help that you need. Only you can make it happen.
Pat