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Its hard to have a partner who is depressed. You do not know what to say to them just in case they get the wrong idea or that it starts up a major arguement over nothing. Sometimes even you question your relationship and whether you are also strong enough to handle what is going on plus living an everyday life of your own.
Many questions circle in your head; Is it my fault? Why, no matter what I say or do, nothing helps them? Why do I feel so usless?
The simple thing is, once all these things do go around in your head, you start to discard them all, and say, I loved them and I know they love me. I'm not giving up on this nor them. They need me right now and I'm going through every step with them no matter what. Because that is what it is all about. 'For better, for worse. In sickness and in health.'
But also think about yourself as well, just because you decide to be there for them or not, you have a duty, not only to yur decision, but to yourself. Your physical health can become worse if you allow in to eat away at you.
*Stand By Your Decision, But Never Be Ashamed Of What You Picked*
I'm living with a depressed person and I never thought I'd have this kind of life. I grew up with it with my father and sure didn't ask for it now. How to love the person you fell in love with ? How to not listen to their mean words ? To not take them personally ? We are very, very strong. And have no idea what they are going through. But we do have a one very important responsability...............to take care of ourselves first. Our own lives become unmangeable. How ? We don't take care of our needs, we aren't in concentration, we lose weight, we live in fear of their reaction, afraid to say anything, afraid to go anywhere..and the list goes on. See ? Our lives become unmangeable. Our self-esteem goes down, because they are very critical. We are important, we can't become depressed ourselves. We are very strong, but we do have limits. It's up to you to know when your limit is. No matter how in love your are with the person, how you want to be supportive.....if their moods swings ( loving one minute, mean the next ), abusive words, critical of everthing and everyone, wants no friends-family. When is your limit ? When you don't have the "joie de vivire" anymore ? When you stop smiling ? When you are apprenhensive for any upcoming invitiation or outing ? You constantly live with someone who is negative ? You are their crutch ?
You know when your limit is..........don't let them destroy your self-esteem. Either stay and be supportive and know there is a good person struggling inside. And find a way to re-charge your batteries in something for yourself, no matter if they like it or not. You have a right to re-charge. It is very, very difficult living with a depressive person. YOU are important first !
Why have all eight of the articles about "coping with your partners depression" I've just found been written from the point of view of women looking after men? I guess either more men are depressed or more likely, there are no men discussing this issue (how sad). Your article and most of the others I've found have been centered around the circumstance were you're partner has only recently become depressed, and often where the partner won't seek help. My wife has been depressed for many years and is extremly open to any help that medical professionals or I have been able to offer. It's become clear to me that her problems are long term ones. I've grown accustomed to caring for my wife over the years and although her difficulties can sometimes cause me great pain, I no longer feel helpless or depressed my self. Most of my frustrations these days are centered around my son and what to do when I feel my wife can't look after him properly or doesn't take him to school (I have to support us financially so can't do that). I've changed jobs and moved closer to my parents and they are a great support. My wife loves them too and they give her alot of love and encouragement. I didn't like what you said about a "line in the sand" beyond which you'd be prepared to leave your partner. That strikes me as a very decadent hedonistic American view point. I suspect that if I shared that sentiment I would have already left my wife and what would become of her and my son then? At times, only the strong belief in the vow I made to care for her "in sickness and in health" has kept me with her. That being said, when the periods of terrible depression subside for a while, I find that I still love her very much. And as things stand my little boy is a happy little lad and doesn't worry that his mum sometimes stays in bed all day etc. If I divorced my wife then he'd have to be looked after in two seperate homes. And when my wife was looking after him she'd no longer have any support and that thought chills me to the bone. The most important things that keep me sane are sport, friends and family. When I go running or go out for a few traditional ales with a few good friends I always find that my problems seem in better perspective. My wife won't really go outside so I rely on my friends to go out places with me and my son to do butch manly stuff. I feel like I can be strong for as long as it takes (even if it's sometimes very painful), the only thing that concerns me is, is that this might allow my wife to settle into a routine of dependance? Sometimes I've observed that a crisis can bring my wife out of herself (Although usually not). I never know what to do really, so I just carry on doing what I'm doing.....
I think you sound like a lovely man, so don't listen to the other reply. I am a woman living with a depressed man and , particularly because of our 2 young children, am trying to find ways to cope. However, recently I am starting to feel very unloved, isolated and even boring as I get so little response from my husband. I am generally a person quite full of joie de vivre and try to stay upbeat for the sake of the family, but have to admit to days where I just want to split up and not have to deal with his depressive moods. Your comment made me stand up and give myself a kick up the backside, so thank you for giving me a bit of hope that there are others out there dealing with the same things and for reminding me of the importance of sticking together through it all. I hadn't really thought about how he would be if left on his own, so you made me focus on that and I feel a bit renewed with positive energy for now, so thank-you.
it is certainly true that most of the caretaking comments are from women, but i suspect that most of the caretakers who might ask for help are women. it has to do with societal roles, in part. it takes a strong person to cross those lines.
as far as the plan to leave a partner, i don't think it would apply to someone like you, who has a commitment AND a strong perspective of what to do to have a decent life. you seem to have a strong support network as well.
i think that would apply to partners who are "drowning" so to speak, who might not have a good support network (and it sounds like you do), or who find that they are not able to give the quality of care required either by themselves or their partner.
this is not necessarily an "American" thing, nor is it a selfish thing; it is, in fact, a highly personal decision and requires as much support to leave as it would to stay.
i certainly wish you well, and i hope there are more and more moments when your wife sees light and sunshine. that burden of depression is so heavy...
I am somwhat crying out for help. My boyfriend and I are really struggling, in all areas of our relationship and I want to be able to move forward but I am really struggling and extremely lost on how to deal with his depression. there are children involved and I am so worn down and feel alone, I don't really know what else to do. I want to be able to communicate with him on a level that can bring us closer together. I love him with all of my heart, and I want for things to get better, I just don't know how..
He 's really an amazing person. Genuine, loving and kind, but when his depression sets in , it's hard to keep a hold of hope...
I am somwhat crying out for help. My boyfriend and I are really struggling, in all areas of our relationship and I want to be able to move forward but I am really struggling and extremely lost on how to deal with his depression. there are children involved and I am so worn down and feel alone, I don't really know what else to do. I want to be able to communicate with him on a level that can bring us closer together. I love him with all of my heart, and I want for things to get better, I just don't know how..
He 's really an amazing person. Genuine, loving and kind, but when his depression sets in , it's hard to keep a hold of hope...
hello, i am in a similar position though no children involved. We do not live together either. I have no idea how to help him. How to act? Do i stay away? Do i force him to see me? Will he really love me when he comes through this?
How have things worked out for you since you posted this?
Hope things are working out
Another similar story! At least I think my boyfriend is depressed - he is more irritable, jealous, no sex drive and occasionally just tells me he is sad, or that he hates his life. He still copes day to day and socialises with friends, but wants to see and talk to me less, even though I've recently moved to live near him and he seemed pleased that I have. He keeps in touch by text a lot, and can be very loving. When we do get together we have some physical contact: he asks me to stroke his hair or massage him, but rarely returns the favour! It has been almost four months since sex, and probably five or six months since he started seeming less interested in spending time with me. He doesn't seem to want to break up, and will usually make the effort at the last minute to apologise when I'm really getting to the end of my tether. I keep cool most of the time but occasionally lose my patience. I feel particularly impatient and upset at the moment and am wondering how sustainable this is, even though I love him very very much. He is very stubborn and has said flat out no to counselling, and even suggested it would be silly for me to seek counselling, but I am thinking I will have to because I need advice and support. He did read a pamphlet on depression that I left for him, I think, but hasn't talked about, he hates talking about anything serious although on the few occasions I have pinned him down I have made some inroads...but when he won't let me see him it makes it difficult! Also when we are getting on well I don't want to spoil things.
I would like to talk to someone since he won't talk about it. It is hard to talk to friends since its such a personal issue. He is a very private person and won't like me to speak to anyone, and as much as I don't want to deceive him I might have to keep it from him. I need to know this if this is depression and if there is hope, or whether our relationship has just gone bad. It is very hard to seperate my own insecurities and make a judgement! Much love to you ladies in a similar position, I hope you get to a better place soon. R.
I feel depressed al the time.
My partner and I run a dairy farm, and I always feel like the work horse "back-bone" and I guess I'm fine with that but... I feel not appreciated all the time.
I also work 8 hour shifts at a food factory and at the end of the day I dont have time to myself or one-on-one time with him. He don't understand me, I just want to leave him so bad but feel like I'm leaving him to deal with his own depression.
Before I met him I was a cherry, always smiling/laughing, having a good time no-matter what I did, hardly ever cried unless really pushed to the point.... maybe i should just leave I don't know why I'm actually writing on here... I guess I'm just venting well if I've depressed you all reading I"M SOOOO SORRY... I guess I'm just a freak thats baddling looking for something....
WHATEVER
I have struggled with my own depression since I was 12. I have become very good at nipping it in the butt early...through diet, exercise, therapy and meditation. After 25 years, I don't get to the point of needing medication.
But now my life partner and business partner is constantly struggling with depression. It is effecting his personal and businesses decisions. He has a short fuse and often will not get out of bed (which is not helping the business). He becomes fixated on problems with the business, but seldoms sees the solutions. He sees everything as a negative and shining light on the situation seldom helps. He thinks I am just an optimist and he's a realist. Some days, he thinks the only way to "fix" the business is to kill himself and make it look like an accident. He realizes he's depressed, but refuses to get help. He doesn't see it as an illness, but a personal weakness. He knows that I have struggled with it for years, but will insist its due to my weakness. When his spirit lifts, he apologizes and is sweet and loving. But, then a problem arises with the business and he's back in his funk.
I am trying to stay as healthy as possible, but its getting harder each day. I am always stressed and I'm beginning to feel helpless.
Im struggling with a partner who has only recently started suffering from depression, I don't know alot about it and have tried getting help for myself and him but to no avail. Im wondering if there are triggers to depression, it seems to happen when something from his past with his kids come up. He refuses to speak to me in person, (we don't live together) only texting where he has lost all intrest in me, before i realized it was depression, i accused him of cheating on me since all intrest was lost. He says he just wants to be alone, theres no one else, hes given up and just does things cos he has to to get by. This is not the man i knew a few weeks ago. Its happened before and he told me he had suicidal thoughts and shut himself away for a week. I tell him im there for him, im more than willing to listen, but i get told to leave me alone. Anyone have any advice on how to get through to him would be very appreciative before i cross my "line in the sand". Thank you.
Sorry, I don't have any advice on how to get through to him. Wish I knew that myself. I don know though that (at least with my gf) that if she wants to be left alone then that is how it has to be or she moves even further away. It sucks but just let him know you love him and try to get him to go to therapy. Maybe even go with him? Does he see anyone now?
MJ
Hi, This is my first post. I am a 34 year old man, married to a beautiful 33 year old bride. She is the light of my life. Recently she has been sinking into depression. We went to see a doctor and they have put her on antidepressants. She has been suffering with anxiety for many years but it was being controlled by Ativan. Unfortunately, the Ativan is now part of the problem and the doctor has said that she needs to come off of it in order to fully get better. I have read, and read, and read about depression and its causes. I have started to see a counselor to help me deal with my own feelings and help get through this. The problem I am having is the distance between us. It seems that nothing I do helps. She doesn't respond to me like she used to and I get the feeling that I a in her way and really unwanted. She will talk if I ask her a question but she won't engage me in any other way. Needless to say there is NO sex life and no intimacy. I am trying to follow all the "rules" for someone with a depressed partner but seem to be getting nowhere. I want my wife to get better but I don't want to lose our relationship in the process. I feel like each day with drift further and further apart. I am very scared and lonely. I guess this is normal but I am looking for some first hand knowledge and perspective. Please respond if you think you can help. Thanks so much!!
On another note, she has an 11 year old son who lives with us full time. She seems to be able to put on a happy face and converse with him. I guess this bothers me somewhat because she shows me nothing. I wonder if she just doesn't care about what I am going through too. I would love for her to reach out to me as she does to him. I have always been there for her and for him but I think that maybe she doesn't need me. Anyway, thanks for reading.
Hello I read ur post..Im sorry u are going thru this..I have been with my husband for almost 14 1/2 years now..we recently have hit a big bump in our marriage...it's been goin on for almost 7 months now...everyday it seems like we are more distant from each other,there is hardly any conversation,he seems very secretive,when we go to bed hi's bck is always turned to me.He only seems to talk when i ask a question an is very short and forcefull...hi's on Zoloft 2 a week...We have 2 lovely boys and yes for them he puts on a smile,but also can be very irritable with them as well at times...I dont know what to do either ..I feel unwanted ,lonely,Im scare because I dont know if it's related to his deppression or is it that he really doesnt love me any more... I can understand ur pain....
Shes suffers from it bad she also suffers from anxiety really bad too, i giv her the world and dont get much bak which is expected but i really need to kno she thinks things are complicated when they are not, she wants to break up alot but se had 2 months apart an dthings seemed to hav calmed down but some of its comin bak she hasnt cried in ages and this because she wanted to caht to me but i was asleep and she didnt kno and thought i was ignorin her? she then said when i rang her that she wanted to break up wiv me, i hav already had a major breakdown before morely because i put her first, but i cant hav that happen again i do not want to lose her ever!! i wanna kno how i deal with it if she find things complicate di dunno what to say or just to say nothing? and ride the storm, please help is needed her badly, if you hav any advice please contact me on richit91@hotmail.com
i have been living with my husband for 1,5 years. he is depressed. when i met him he already was like that. he's been like that for almost 20 years. i love him so much. i didn't have a problem with him at all. sometimes he is having his moments. i found my solutions: at that moments i just think about him like he is my baby - just listen him hug him and tell him how much i love him and how good person he is. it works for us. i've never felt sufficated by his depression
My husband is a great man, kind, generous to a fault and until this year strong and healthy. It started with an suspected heart attack early this year, which turned out to be a 'severe anxiety attack' instead. He was hospitalised for a couple of days for testing and then went home and back to work.
After this event, he spiralled into depression about his life and mostly about his career and the stress associated with his job. It got so bad he was threatening self harm, crying at work, at home and in public. I did not know what to do. I tried to 'snap him out of it' but that only made things worse. Then about two months ago he just 'snapped' - shaking all over involuntarily, nausea, his whole body going into a fetal position at times. He could not control it. Now he has been on stress leave for a while and the Dr has extended it to January. There is no way he is capable of working and the Dr thinks he may never be the same again, although he will eventually recover.
We are now facing major financial stress and I don't make enough money to keep things going. We will have to sell off assets - all that we both have worked for is in threat.
I am a combination of sad, stressed, depressed, angry and trying to keep my job which is also stressful as I work in sales and have to achieve targets. My Dr is now sending me to a counsellor for help as I am struggling not to go down with my husbands issues.
He was never like this previously. I am scared.
I am so sorry to read about what you are going through. My husband suffers as well from depression. I went to this site to see if there was anything else I could do and after reading the post listed above, I realized one very important thing....I am not alone. I have found strength in everthing you all have said but I too am scared of what the future holds. I had so much resentment towards my spouse and hated myself for staying in such a mentally harmful situation, feeling as if I were being pulled down and everything was my fault. I now know that it is the 'sickness' of depression speaking. I think the idea of picturing my husband as a baby when he is in his depression helps. A baby can cry and cry but not tell you what is wrong. You care for him anyway and do anything you can to provide comfort. This will be my new strategy. I feel that by all of you just taking the time out to write about what is going on in your life somehow gave me the hug I needed, since I don't receive one elsewhere. So I'm going to brush off my knees and try again to help where I can. Don't give up on your other half but more importantly don't give up on yourself....I had forgotten to believe in myself, whether I am the one in depression or depressions' partner. If there is a way to send you strength via the internet......I'm sending it now.
Your comments really touched me. I like what you said about seeing your husband as a baby who can't tell you why he is cranky and down. We put up with so much from our babies and animals, yet we can't take it from our spouse. When our spouse hurts us, it goes to the bone. I am trying to brush it off this hurt and I am making an appointment with a psychologist to talk things out. I also believe the phrase we said when we got married "til death do us part". But I am also debating the sanity of me and my husband because we are just driving each other up a wall. You can just feel the tention when we are in the same room.
It has recently been diagnosed that my husband is suffering from depression. For 2 years i have thought his mood swings were all my fault.
He started taking the prescription medication. Whilst taking them he changed for the better but the problem is he also enjoys alcohol. He stops taking the medication for a few days then enjoys (not sure if that's the word) his few drinks, then enters the lowest of depression states. I have tried telling him he has to quit the alcohol coz it just isnt working.
I don't know what he is going through, i have tried to understand, but it is just so hard, and i feel the best option is just to up and leave. Having read comments in regard to this it states i should be supportive, but how can i when all i get is verbal abuse or ignorance. I now feel even more guilty for wanting to leave, knowing that it is not his fault, but i do not want to live in this negativity for the rest of my life. Is depression something that you can get over, or once you have it will it make an appearance every so often?
I have been trying to support my husband for about 5 years and the depression has just gotten worse each year. I am at the end of my rope. I am not sure what I could have done differently, but having a support group of friends for myself would probably have helped. I did not want to tell anyone what was going on for fear of judgement. Then, we faced reality and told some people and were shocked at how many people face the same thing and understood. I unfortunatly have lost my faith in God and I am trying to get it back. Hope things work out better for you and that they can find the right meds and counsiling for your husband.
My girlfriend has bouts of depression (I guess you would call it). It seems to be a pattern with her. When she isn't depressed everything is great with us but when she is depressed she pushes me away and her friends too but mostly me. She doesn't want to see me, or I should say, won't let me see her like that. She hardly will even talk with me on the phone. I love her unconditionally and want to be there for her in any way I can but she pushes me away. When she feels better then we are all good again. I guess it just hurts to have to live my life on her terms to be with her. I am learning to do that and finding ways to just live my life as usual when she needs that time away from me. I don't mind giving her space (I think that is healthy in any relationship) but this is a different kind of space and I sometimes feel helpless. Just venting here but would love to hear from anyone who has a depressed partner who acts similar. Thanks.
Well I am also in a relatioship with a girl who is having depressions. We have a long distance relationship and after reading some of the stories here I am not sure if that is worse or better. In the past she lost a previous boyfriend because he thought he could deal with it but couldn't. And I must say that I too find it very hard on our relationship. Especially because most of our communication is through Skype. I try to be supportive and understandable, listen to her and comfort her as much as I can. If I would have to discribe the "type" of person I am it would be "the silver lining" type. I always eem to be able to find a positive thing about a situation, even if that thing doesn't realy help, it showes me that not everything is bad.
During the Holidays we went on (our first) vacation together and everything was just right. Ofcourse we had troubles in our traveling but actually I enjoyed the struggle of having to rely on eachother and needing to think on our feet to resolve the problems of travelling in an African country.
Anyway, now she is back in her country and I am in mine. She is having a hard time with her masters and already broke down and cried in University with people standing around her askig what is wrong. She is almost done and I think that she should finish her Masters (only has to finish her thesis from march).
We are not married and our relationship isn't that "old". But I am very much in love with her and she is with me. When I read your stories this worries me a bit, because I will have to take into account that this could influence the rest of our/my life. For now I am having not many problems with the extra strain on our relationship, but don't know if I could deal with this if it would take years to find a "rythem" that works for us.
For now I just take the advice already given on this page and give her all the support she needs and can give. So in response to your question, my message to you is the same as it would be for myself!
SHow support, help where you can. Be there in the ways that are possible...but also take care of yourself. There are no children involved (yet) and you/I should ask the question, is this what I want.
At least it is good to know that we are NOT ALONE in this. There are many people dealing with simular issues and are also willing to share their experiences so we can benefit from them. I appreciate it all!!!
So take care and hang in there, as long as it is healthy for you to do so. Find your support, tips tricks methods anything you can find that will help you better understand and cope with this situation.
Best of luck!
this is to vincent and mj...i too have a girlfriend that suffers from depression. We have been dating on and off again for several years. I love her dearly and she means the world to me. She has always battled depression throughout our relationship but things seem to have gotten worse as of late with her taking nursing classes and me moving in with her to help since heri brother recently left for school. She pushes me away a lot and plenty of times i feel i cant share things with her b/c they make her more depressed (my goals, accomplishments, and friends especially)...thru it all i still love her and want to be here for her...and it truly does help knowing that there are other people going thru similar problems. There are no kids and we arent married but it does help to know that im not the only one that has doubts about carrying on the relationship. It def helped to be reminded that its not my fault she feels that way and that no matter how much she lashes out or pushes me away all i can do is be supportive. I dont know where our future lies and whether i will be able to handle the this for the long run but i know that the moments when we are together and she is not depressed makes it all worth me giving it a try.
my partner has been suffering depression prob from the very start of his childhood over the lst couple years it has gotten very worse we have 3 kids and im expecting our 4th atm he ha moved out of the family home and is about to loose his job cause he struggles getting up every day which means i big posiblilty of us loosing the house
from all of this i find i am suffering very badly atm im crying 24/7 snapping at the kids and just want to be left alone
i think the biggest worry is im scsared that he will never get better and i will be left alone with everyhting
i dont no how to help him cause everything i try to do i get abused for
i no he loves us and is trying but i dont no how much more i can take cause its starting to make me breakdown to but im not sure if that just the hormones from being pregnant and it will past
i got 12 weeks to go and atm i cant even see my partner being there for the birth i no depression is a serious desiese i just wish there was more govenment funded help
I went and saw a psy. She said I was a Co-depentant - I take the blame for the things around me. I am working on my self-esteem and reliazing that I can not fix my husband. My trying to help too much, I am making the situation worse. I had never heard of this condition but the CD's I am listening to on it make a lot of sense. Hope this little bit helps.
I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years and we lived together but i have recently moved back with my mum and dad due to his depression. I had noticed signs for several months and he was slowly pushing me away. He wouldnt talk to me about it and wouldnt go to a doctor as he didnt want pills. I was crying almost everynight when i went to bed or when he went out with his friends and the final straw for me came when he stayed out all night for the third time and didnt tell me he wasnt coming home. I couldnt take anymore so i got some stuff together and went to my mums. that was two weeks ago and im still here. the day after i left he went to the doctors and got tablets and has been off work since. although he seems to be taking the tablets hes not doing anything else to help himself, he sits up all night and sleeps all day, hardly leaves the house, wont see anyone except one friend who is a bad influence and was encouraging his behaviour before. he stayed with his mum and dad for a few days after he got the tablets and just as i was about to go back and stay in our house, he said he was going back and wanted to go back himself for the moment. I understand that hes depressed and isnt himself right now but im struggling with where I am at the moment. i dont know whether he wants to stay together and i cant ask about it as hes not ready to talk. i know that he needs to start getting better before he can think about me but im finding it so hard not knowing where i stand, not knowing where he is/what hes doing and trying not to contact him is hard. if i dont get in touch with him, i dont hear from him and everything in my head is telling me that he doesnt want me and i should walk away from our relationship as hes not been interested for months, but there is still a small glimmer of hope in me that once hes better he might still want me. if someone else was to tell me the things I have put up with since mid last year, i would tell them they were crazy and should leave, but its not quite so easy when your in the situation. im constantly sick with worry about the whole situation. im in touch with his family but i dont think they are doing much to help him either. all i wanted to do was help him but i cant if he wont help himself. i just feel so hopeless at not being able to do anything, guilty for walking away when hes ill and sad that after 8 years together he wont talk to me and doesnt want me there when he needs support the most.i dont know how to deal with the situation.
I have been with my beautiful girl for over two years now and we have a 1 year old boy together and even my two other children who live with us call her mum. She is a loving, caring, funny, intelligent and gorgeous woman who does not deserve all the masses of grief she has had to endure while growing up. She has battled with depression before and it has come back to bite her hard. After the birth of our son we left it six months or so before trying to resume our sex life. At this point she didn't feel physically ready to resume so i suggested that i back off a little so as not to make her feel under duress to have sex before she was ready to do so. She seemed happy with this suggestion as it meant something less for her to be worried over. She would have gone through with it to make me happy so i wouldn't go looking for it elsewhere (I would never do anything like that and made sure she knew that too.) This arrangement continued up until three weeks ago when she came home from visiting relatives and she was sooooo different. She was nasty, short tempered and snappy. When i asked her to tell me what was wrong she said "I love you but I'm not in love with you." This came as a total shock. I knew she wasn't very happy but I just presumed it was the post natal depression that she was being treated for as any time i asked her if she was ok she replied that she was and even apologied for asking me to back off from her. When i asked why she felt that way she said that I was unaffectionate, arrogant and rude. I can guess that we didn't talk as we might have done. I did try and ensure she was ok, but how am i to do it if she lies to me and tells me all's ok? I admit that i didn't tell her that i was unhappy at not being able to show her all the affection i wanted to but i didn't want her thinking that i was just after sex.
She has now left me, moved away and taken our son. I am utterly destroyed by this. I can't stop crying and miss them both so much i feel physical pain. She has told me it's over and has even slept with an ex boyfriend for some company and attention. I know she hates this person as her used to beat her up but she is happy to be in his company but not mine so why is she punishing herself?
I don't know what to do for the best, i feel useless and stuck in limbo. Anytime i ask what she wants me to do she says "I don't know." At the moment I am trying to give her some space to let her clear her head a little but i don't want her thinking i'm not interested in her. Am i doing the right thing? She says she is going to see the same psychiatric nurse she saw the last time she was so depressed and i am going for some counselling too but what do i do? i love her more than i ever thought possible and am devastated that we have got this far. I genuinely had no idea this was coming and i am at a total loss what to do. Dop i try and go with her to counselling even though she says she's not ready? She told me two days ago when she came to visit the children that she still loves me but doesn't know if it's enough. I just want to reassure her that I want to give her all the affection she wants and any other problem she had with me has been addressed by the counselling i'm going to.
Please someone give me some advice, I am going out of mind with worry over her and us.
My boyfriend broke up with me we were dating for a year in a half. About a month and a half ago he finally opened up to me that he has been suffering from depression most of his life. He asked me if i was willing to stay with him and help him through this because he may not be better in a month or a year. I told him that I love him and that I don't want to give up on him. So i researched about depression and printed off information. Just so I could be informed and inform him that this is serious and he needs to seek professional help. I told him that i would be there for him at appointments or even make the appointments for him. Then it was like a switch flipped in him. He didn't want to hear it, didn't want to get help, didn't want to talk about it. He shut off all emotions towards me he was verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive towards me. Questioning our whole relationship saying it was going nowhere. Yet I was always planning our future and he would just agree with the plans never put input in them. I started feeling really low blaming myself for how he felt, I felt useless I went to my doctor to counselling b/c it was really affecting me. I called him up one day so we could meet up and talk I wanted to tell him that I seeked a pofessional and told him I was ready to be there. We mett up and before I could tell him he said this isnt going to work. I can't focus on our relationship when I can't even take care of myself and I can't tell you I love you anymore when I don't even love myself. He said he needs to focus on him getting better repairing himself, his family, and his friendships. I felt like he just made a split decision just like that it was done. Now thats its over it has been really hard for me b/c I constantly worry about him b/c he wont get help his parents don't know and only one of his friends know about it. He texted me about a week ago askig how i was doing saying that he misses me alot and he feels terrible inside. During our texting conversation it seemed like he has done noothing to help himself and it had already been three weeks after our beakup. It seems like he doesn't want to help himself and his whole reason for breaking up with me was to work on im. I know its rude for me to say but someimes I feel like he lied about being depressed just to get out of the relationship. My councellor said that likely that moment when he told you about his depression and you told him that he needs to get help. You made it his problem so in his head hes thinking well I was happy with her and the relationship before and now im not so it must be the relationship and her that is making me depressed so if i get rid of both i will be better. Then she told me now that he got rid of both he is realizing that it wasnt you and it wasnt the relationhip and hes back at square one. I wish I could help him b/c i love him so much. I just feel like his depression ended our relationship and not him :(
I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and our relationship has always been perfect, he has always been extremely loving and caring however over the past 2-3 months he has changed. He has withdrawn into himself completely, lost all interest in everything we used to enjoy (including sex) and sometimes seems completely in his own little world. He has said recently that he doesn't think he is being fair by staying with me because he is 'dragging me down' and although I have told him several times that will stand by him and help him through anything it it doesnt seem to sink in. He tells me he loves me and always will but I cant seem to make him see that with help he can get through this.
He has suffered from depression in the past therefore doesnt think that he is suffering from it again so is reluctant to get help. I have never suffered from it myself therefore dont fully understand it however from what I have researched I am sure this is what he is suffering from. Can anyone give me any advice on how to help, I love him so much and hate seeing him this way. I am really running out of options to try and I am so worried about him, any advice would be ever so helpful.
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Well when he/she gets depress than everything changes, way of talking, thinking, understanding, one must better be careful when he/she talks with her/his depressed partner because when they get depressed, they think differently, and gives unexpected meanings to what you say. But its not them who talks at that time but their depression. My best experience is just listen to them and empathies, if they ask you any question you don’t have to worry about the answer because you can see answer in their question. It’s very easy for partner because he/she knows about him/her.
Self help zone.
http://www.selfhelpzone.com/