As the person on "the outside," it may be hard to u...
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Its hard but not impossible.
self help
Monday, June 11, 2007 at 08:01 AM -
It gets harder
Helen
Wednesday, June 20, 2007 at 04:52 AMIts hard to have a partner who is depressed. You do not know what to say to them just in case they get the wrong idea or that it starts up a major arguement over nothing. Sometimes even you question your relationship and whether you are also strong enough to handle what is going on plus living an everyday life of your own.
Many questions circle in your head; Is it my fault? Why, no matter what I say or do, nothing helps them? Why do I feel so usless?
The simple thing is, once all these things do go around in your head, you start to discard them all, and say, I loved them and I know they love me. I'm not giving up on this nor them. They need me right now and I'm going through every step with them no matter what. Because that is what it is all about. 'For better, for worse. In sickness and in health.'
But also think about yourself as well, just because you decide to be there for them or not, you have a duty, not only to yur decision, but to yourself. Your physical health can become worse if you allow in to eat away at you.
*Stand By Your Decision, But Never Be Ashamed Of What You Picked*
replyre: It gets harder
Sun
Friday, November 30, 2007 at 10:48 PMI'm living with a depressed person and I never thought I'd have this kind of life. I grew up with it with my father and sure didn't ask for it now. How to love the person you fell in love with ? How to not listen to their mean words ? To not take them personally ? We are very, very strong. And have no idea what they are going through. But we do have a one very important responsability...............to take care of ourselves first. Our own lives become unmangeable. How ? We don't take care of our needs, we aren't in concentration, we lose weight, we live in fear of their reaction, afraid to say anything, afraid to go anywhere..and the list goes on. See ? Our lives become unmangeable. Our self-esteem goes down, because they are very critical. We are important, we can't become depressed ourselves. We are very strong, but we do have limits. It's up to you to know when your limit is. No matter how in love your are with the person, how you want to be supportive.....if their moods swings ( loving one minute, mean the next ), abusive words, critical of everthing and everyone, wants no friends-family. When is your limit ? When you don't have the "joie de vivire" anymore ? When you stop smiling ? When you are apprenhensive for any upcoming invitiation or outing ? You constantly live with someone who is negative ? You are their crutch ?
You know when your limit is..........don't let them destroy your self-esteem. Either stay and be supportive and know there is a good person struggling inside. And find a way to re-charge your batteries in something for yourself, no matter if they like it or not. You have a right to re-charge. It is very, very difficult living with a depressive person. YOU are important first !
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Well when he/she gets depress than everything changes, way of talking, thinking, understanding, one must better be careful when he/she talks with her/his depressed partner because when they get depressed, they think differently, and gives unexpected meanings to what you say. But its not them who talks at that time but their depression. My best experience is just listen to them and empathies, if they ask you any question you don’t have to worry about the answer because you can see answer in their question. It’s very easy for partner because he/she knows about him/her.
Self help zone.
http://www.selfhelpzone.com/
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