Hi, Deborah -
This is a wonderful summary. It's exactly what someone new to therapy should read and consider carefully. Boundaries can be crossed in all sorts of ways. A quite young therapist once asked for my advice about her employment options - that was obviously inappropriate. Another incident with a different therapist was more disturbing. In a group I was part of he told a story about sexual arousal with his wife. Given the influence he had over everyone in that room, it was a dreadful form of exploitation.
You can run into all sorts of problems, and this post touches the big ones. Excellent work!
John
My experiences with my last therapist were a mixed bag. She never crossed boundaries, was never inappropriate and was extremely knowledgable but she was spread pretty thin - sometimes would go 3 weeks between sessions due to her schedule. And she was all over the place with her treatments: She'd assign "homework" or books to read, which I would dilligently complete, then never go back to it. Some days I would come out of the session feeling pretty good but there wasn't much consistency. I don't believe she ever really got a handle on what was going on with me (I sometimes wonder if I did!). I didn't exactly fire her, I just stopped going.
I fired my Therapist yesterday. She went on Holiday and neglected to have a backup. I am at a critical place in my life right now. I've had to deal with death of a loved one, a psychotic neighbor who threatened me & hurled insults, I had to find and move into a new apartment.
The move into the new apartment resulted in a back strain, neck/shoulder strain for which I need to have an MRI. If this is not enough, I also have bronchial asthma which has been exacerbated by all of the above. Breathing is painful
My therapist had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to cancel our meeting???? Are you kidding me??? How was I supposed to drive there with all the pain meds., muscle relaxers and expose myself to more danger on the road!
Step into my office because you're friggin' fired Lady!!
C
As a rule of thumb; I believe it is time to find a new therapist when you miss an appointment and have no or ambivalent feelings about it. I had one who always asked "And what do you you think about this "Jimifan"? I finally snapped and said; "I've been talking to you for (insert number of months here). Why don't you tell me what YOU think about something...anything?" If you can be patient and persistent, you will be rewarded. My "new" therapist (going on 3 years now) always allows me space and gives me feedback when I ask for it or she feels I need another person's thoughts. That has been what I need.
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Hey Deborah
Great post.
I wish I had this article to read before my therapy adventures with three therapists who turned out to be...not the right match for me. As a patient...there is a tendency to put the therapist on a pedastal...or second guess yourself about what is obviously not working. I always have a difficult time knowing when to stop seeing the particular therapist...how long do I give it? Now I am of the mind that the sooner the therapy is stopped (if it is not a good match) the better and particularly if there have been boundaries crossed.
Some time ago I also wrote on this topic...if anyone wants to read about my personal experience with a bad therapist...please read, "How to Know When You Have a Bad Therapist."
We always recommend therapy as a treatment option but the truth is..that you really do have to choose wisely. It doesn't always work out but this doesn't mean to stop trying to get the help that you need.
Very important information you give here...thanks for writing it.