Hi, Deborah. I'm sure that this was the case for me, too, and I do recognize now that it was the way I coped with my abusive parents. It was not only hard on me, but difficult to watch it happen to my siblings, as well. I dissociated so much that I don't remember a lot of my childhood - whatever I do remember, it just all seems foggy and gray.
Both of my sons had major depressive episodes at about the age of 12, but I don't think they had dysthymia before that. They're both in their 30's now and still take antidepressants, not having much success with discontinuing them. I think some of it is genetic, some of it may be due to my long-term depression while they were young. My younger son is autistic, as well as developmentally disabled, so that has also been a contributor.
I think this is an important thing for parents to be aware of because, as you say, it colors your thinking about yourself and the choices you make that affect you for the rest of your life. I know it certainly restricted me in my ability to stretch myself and pursue what I thought were impossible dreams.
This was the case for me as well. I see pictures of myself before age 6 and I seem to have been a happy child. It seemed to start when I started first grade. I was considered "shy" and was a timid child. My childhood is a blank except for a few scattered memories, mostly negative. I don't remember getting much encouragement or praise for anything.
I hope that children today are getting help for this. I don't have the sense that any of the adults in my life noticed my struggles. My parents divorced when I was 13, but had been in conflict for a long time before then.
In the last months I have begun to realize just how limiting my depression has been. I work at a low-level clerical job and have not been able to do anything to better myself. I feel kind of burned out at this point with no goals or ambitions except to find some encouragement and joy in the day as I get through it. My life feels very long and I'm only 48.
Dear stillwaters,
My autism was caused by alcohol: both my parents drunk abusively. Autism is, how you say, not an illness or disorder but a mulfuction of certain brain functions that happens when certain parts of the brain are not properly connected or there are problems within the chemical and electrical structures of the brain. However, environemnt can paly a part: if a pregnant woman drinks alcohol there is danger that the inborn child could develop autism or aother alcohol related disorders. Some research indicates that expecting mothers should drink no alcohol at all. If alcohol does indeed cause autism (and we are not certain yet but there is some evidence) then this is an environmental problem. Genetics and the environment work together (nature and nurture debate) and it is extremely difficult to say which has more baring or if indeed we can separate the two. Most living things are affected by both genetics and environment.
My bipolar disorder was triggered, by a genetic predisposition, by trauma. Here we have both genetics and the environment. Having a genetic predisposition is not guarantee that we will develop a mental illness: some people may have a genetic predisposition and yet not develop mental illness because their life was trauma free.
Nevertheless, we are not absolutely sure about how mental illness is generated: we talk about genetics that run in families and we have done some twin studies. But this is more of an educated guess due to observation rather than sound scientific evidence. We simply don't know enough about mental illness or autism to say how exactly these disorders emerge. It would seem to go right against the force of evolution if so many people today have mental illness. THis makes little sense in evolutionary terms. It could mean that most mental illness is largely an environmental problem that has impact on genetics. Who knows?
As far as we know one could come out with a theory that both autism and bipolar (or depression or other mental disorders) are evolutionary mechanism to help humanity. After all there are many great inventors, scientists, artists and geniuses who suffered with bipolar, depression and autism. Einstein has some autism or aspergers. Yet no one would dare say that Einstein had a brain problem or that he lacked in any way. He was an exceptional man with above average IQ. At the same time some forms of autisms are due to problems experienced during birth or something that happened to impact on brain development. Things are very complex.
No one knows anything with certainty we are just guessing. Science can only offer us a framework that we can use to study life: but it cannot provide conclusive 100% reliable evidence to tell us how people come to develop bipolar or depression or othe mental disorders.
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Hi Deborah,
I was the same when I was a child. My problem was also to have some high functioning autism that went undiagnosed till I was an adult. I and the pdocs know I have autism because I have very marked synesthesia, perfect pitch and difficulties communicating and relating to people. I have difficulties understanding people's intentions and reading facial expressions. It is something I have been working on though and I am getting better. Autism and depression are very much linked. Yet from my autism and depression, as well as the occasional hypomanic episode which I can now fully control, much creativity emerges and I am happy that my mental disorders have helped me to become a respected artist both a musician and a visual artist.
If I don't push myself to socialize I can feel good in my loneliness and I get on famously with myself and have no need for human contact. But I force myself to socialize because this helps me to understand myself as I try to help others. Helping others is very therapeutic for some strange reason.
I have read your posts for a long while, on occasions, and I often wondered if your depression was triggered by certain traumatic events in your life or if it was purely biological. I am always curious to establish if the mental disorder was triggered in the environment or if it was just biological. Usually most mental disorders are triggered by traumatic experiences.
I can relate to what you are saying. I felt depression from the age of 6 onwards. It is part of my life today and I use it for good. I have learned to use the depression. It is like a monster that I have been able to tame and keep on a leash.
Hi Alfredo,
Wow - it sounds like you've done an amazing job tackling your challenges and looking at them in the most positive way you can. I have mixed feelings about my depression, but all in all I feel that I'm pretty lucky.
Depression doesn't seem to run in my family at all, so my depression was most likely caused by my parents' divorce when I was two and my father's abandonment after that. I was always very self-contained, even as a young child, so all the pain was internalized.
Take care,
Deborah
Thank you for your reply Deborah. It would seem that traumatic experiences are a trigger for mental illness. There is need of a genetic predisposition but it is not clear whether it is a genetic predisposition or simply a more sensitive and vulnerable personality the reason why some children develop mental illness.
There is research that indicates that about 80% of all severe mental disorders like bipolar or schizophrenia are triggered by traumatic events, especially childhood trauma.
My problem is also due to trauma and my very highly functional autism probably comes from my parents' alcoholism.
I also am diagnosed with high functioning autism and bipolar depression. As I have been taught by psychiatrists, neurologists and my own nedical research, autism in any form is not a psychiatric disorder but is a totally biological and neurological brain atypicality.
Autism is not in any way environmental, though certain adaptations to "normal daily life" can be made, especially if presented early on. Nevertheless, any one on the autistic spectrum will always be given to a marked degree by autistic atypicalities.
Bipolar is never ***just*** the result of trauma, there must also be a genetic vulnerabilty. Not everyone with bipolar genes will become a manic depressive, but they probably would have if they underwent traumas, even after infancy and childhood.
So the cause of autism is being born that way, no possibility of being caused by trauma, and the cause of bipolar is thought to be a combination of nature and nurture, though sometimes just nature. But never just nurture.
Thank you for your consideration of this post.