Children and Depression at School

mcman

10/ 1/06 8:42am

Hi, Deborah. Sounds a lot like my childhood. My depression went unrecognized. Like you, I was a bookworm outsider who didn't do well in school. My social isolation triggered and deepened my depression, which in turn made me an even more inviting target for bullying, including by teachers, which in turn worsened the cycle. I was a skinny version of Piggy in Lord of the Flies. The good news is I would much rather be me than those idiots.

jennifer

10/13/06 9:38am

I am a 43-year-old single mother who has struggled with severe depressive episodes throughout my life. Currently, I am fighting to surface from a bout that has kept me from working full-time for 3 years. My 11-year-old son was diagnosed with depression in the spring, so I see this problem from several angles. He definitely is a misfit at school (he describes himself as cynical, un-athletic, intellectual), and I believe he has been bullied by both students and teachers in the last year. I would like to see this topic explored further, especially since I know my child is especially vulnerable as a result of my own instability. I have been very forthright with my son's school and therapists about my own history, and I hope that they understand and cope with him a little bit better as a result of my candor. Still, I worry that they think I am making excuses for him, or even for myself, and that they will come to regard us both as an irritant, which could end up making things harder for him.

Becca

10/17/06 12:26pm

How familiar this all sounds! My 17 year old daughter was diagnosed bipolar two years ago and now gets very depressed going back to school. It seems obvious for any kid: summer= independence, sleeping late, no homework, sun & fun while School=structure, academic anxiety and rules to follow. But she used to like to go back to school as it meant seeing more friends. Since she started a new school two years ago, she hasn't made friends or been able to keep old ones. And academics are hard for her. So really, going back to school means going back to watch other kids enjoy eachother while you feel left out, fat (from meds) and dumb. Can someone tell me how a mother (who quit work to help a wonderful kid through this time) can help? I have to be so subtle...who wants Mom's help. Thanks Becca

Deborah Gray

10/23/06 6:11pm

Especially when your child is older, you try to refrain from interfering too much, although it goes against your instincts. I think that the best thing to do for your child at home is assure them that school is the toughest environment they'll ever face in terms of dealing with peers, and that it really does get better. Also, one reason I gained a lot of confidence in high school was that my best friend's attitude was, "Why should we care whether they think we're nerdy? Why exactly would we want to be friends with people who are so cruel anyway? What makes them special?" I picked up that attitude and found that, paradoxically it seemed, it ultimately made me more popular. If you can give them the perspective that these kids (and teachers) will really have no impact on their lives in a few years, it may help.

depressed

10/25/06 8:07am

Your loving, supportive family can be enough to override a genetic vulnerability to depression. I suspect that blogs can contribute to the public knowledge of depression in ways that more traditional representations of depression can’t; since a blog is continually updated, its representation of depression is less likely to hide ambiguities, and more likely to challenge practiced wisdom and simplifications.

depressed

10/25/06 8:10am

You know Your loving, supportive family can be enough to override a genetic vulnerability to depression. As always, I suspect that blogs can contribute to the public knowledge of depression in ways that more traditional representations of depression can’t; since a blog is continually updated, its representation of depression is less likely to hide ambiguities, and more likely to challenge practiced wisdom and simplifications.

Anonymous

8/23/09 6:37pm

Hello.I just wanted to tell you that your story helped me understand that I'm not the only one suffering from something like this.When I was in kindergarten and first grade,I was always excited to come to school all the time.Everything was perfect.It wasn't until 2nd grade that I had to move into a closer school.Then I was always in tears everytime.I don't know what it was,maybe the feeling of having to start over when nobody knew me.Then I started getting use to it.I always suspect to this day that it was the friends.The same thing happened until 5th grade.The 5th grade was fine,because it was my last year of elementary school.Then I moved on to middle school then the same thing happened.I was pretty tired of it and I only cried for one day,which was still emotional.I'm now still starting 7th grade,and it's just the same as 6th grade.I just recently spent 6 weeks in the Philippines but the feeling changed when I came back for school.You're right,kid's feelings change when it's school time.When I first met the teachers I was really scared because they have so much more expectations than my past teachers.Now a whole entire week of school is starting tomorrow and ofcourse I'm depressed on a sunday night.I really hope that this year goes well and that my relationships with teachers and students are at a point where everything will be okay.One thing that I know,though is that counselors really help.They help you with school and home problems that happen.Just recently I couldn't get my locker opened and when I finally did I noticed that I was going to be late for my next class.I was on the edge of crying until my counselor helped me get to my class.I haven't told him about my feelings of first starting school but I know that counselors can help you feel better about yourself.The only thing I'm worried about is the schoolwork and homework and the stress that gets into it.And maybe i'm also nervous about the teachers.The way they explain the rules to us makes me feel like they have hgh expectations from me that really makes me nervous.I really hope this year goes well.:)Thank You.

Anonymous

8/23/09 6:38pm

Hello.I just wanted to tell you that your story helped me understand that I'm not the only one suffering from something like this.When I was in kindergarten and first grade,I was always excited to come to school all the time.Everything was perfect.It wasn't until 2nd grade that I had to move into a closer school.Then I was always in tears everytime.I don't know what it was,maybe the feeling of having to start over when nobody knew me.Then I started getting use to it.I always suspect to this day that it was the friends.The same thing happened until 5th grade.The 5th grade was fine,because it was my last year of elementary school.Then I moved on to middle school then the same thing happened.I was pretty tired of it and I only cried for one day,which was still emotional.I'm now still starting 7th grade,and it's just the same as 6th grade.I just recently spent 6 weeks in the Philippines but the feeling changed when I came back for school.You're right,kid's feelings change when it's school time.When I first met the teachers I was really scared because they have so much more expectations than my past teachers.Now a whole entire week of school is starting tomorrow and ofcourse I'm depressed on a sunday night.I really hope that this year goes well and that my relationships with teachers and students are at a point where everything will be okay.One thing that I know,though is that counselors really help.They help you with school and home problems that happen.Just recently I couldn't get my locker opened and when I finally did I noticed that I was going to be late for my next class.I was on the edge of crying until my counselor helped me get to my class.I haven't told him about my feelings of first starting school but I know that counselors can help you feel better about yourself.The only thing I'm worried about is the schoolwork and homework and the stress that gets into it.And maybe i'm also nervous about the teachers.The way they explain the rules to us makes me feel like they have hgh expectations from me that really makes me nervous.I really hope this year goes well.:)Thank You.

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