But if you're a parent, there are a couple of problems with indulging in that type of retaliation. One is that, as an adult, you're supposed to set a good example. After all, adults are not supposed to be threatening children, for any reason. And realistically, it's much less cool to have your parents as your enforcer than your older sibling.

Unfortunately, you probably can't count on the school being your ally in preventing the bullying. Many school districts seem to be ineffectual when it comes to preventing it, or even downplay the problem. The sad fact is, since you can't be with your child at school, is that you may not be able to prevent the bullying.

What you can do is give your child back her power. There are a couple of ways to accomplish this. One way to help your child deal with bullying, especially of the physical variety, is with self-defense classes. I realize that this idea may be repugnant to some parents, as it answers violence with violence. So it's one option, but not the only one, or necessarily the best one.

In my opinion, the most effective thing you can do is to correct the damage that's being done. Bullying is all about control and power. The victim is in most cases helpless to escape the situation, which is why the bullying occurs. Bullies only act when they are confident that their target can't strike back. For the victim, the lack of control over the situation and feeling of helplessness only exacerbate the situation.

So the other way you can help your child to be empowered, which I consider the more essential one, is to find your children a good therapist, preferably one who specializes in treating children. Therapy can help children get some perspective on the situation and help them develop coping mechanisms. Cognitive therapy in particular can teach the child how to deal with the negative thoughts that are destroying his self-esteem. In many, if not most, children who are bullied, their thinking becomes distorted by the internalizing problems that occur.

Your child's pediatrician should be able to help you get started finding a therapist, or you might want to see if there's a mental health clinic at your local hospital, especially if it's a children's hospital.

Links

Taking Your Child to a Therapist
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
What is Psychotherapy for Children and Adolescents?