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Thank you for bringing to light another suicide that has occurred. I want to remind us that 15% of those who have a mood disorder eventually commit suicide. Of all the violent deaths in the world, including war related and murder, suicide is by far the most common. The statistic is 49.1% are death by suicide (WHA) Bloem and Bloem p. 55, "The alluring song of suicide" (Broken Minds, Kregel Publications).
I have known the deep pain of depression for years which has driven me to the brink of suicide. In my wife's Robyn and I book we give a number of reasons why I did not commit suicide and why a depressed person should not.
I am now 52 and my bipolar 2 age of onset was 29. Depression is a horrible disease.
You quoted Styron in his Darkeness Visible a Memoir of Madness. I like the term he used for depression, "a brainstorm".
My sister Cyndi committed suicide two years back. She was 52 at the time.
She left behind three children who have been plunged into a very painful existence.
Statistics show that if you commit suicide your children will see it as an easy way out.
I agree with the author that every available means to stop suicide must be used.
A big problem is that the mental health system is fragmented in its treatment and continues to not be user friendly for many who do not have the money to get the best care.
Psychiatric offices continue to not see treatment as something that transcends office hours. In many cases the suffering one is forced to declare his intentions to commit suicide with a plan or else he won't get immediate help.
We do not do this with any other illness, like heart disease or diabetes.
In our CAMI (Christians Who are Afflicted with Mental Illness) manual we lay down guiding principles where the members, both caregivers and mentally ill people fight suicide.
http://heartfeltcounselingministries.com/suicide.aspx
Steve Bloem
Heartfelt Ministries
Thank your for posting this wonderful article. I too suffer from long term depression. I have been on a regiment of pills for the past 9 years (13 different ones at one time!), have gone through the despair of having ECT and it not working (although the effects were devasting in my case), and I have been through talk therapy (the talking really helps!). I have been suicidal many times in my life and I think God every day that I didn't succeed. I know the point that Mr. Wallace was when he ended his life. I'm glad that people have become more understanding of this terrible disease. It is like suffocating in a heated room with the doors and windows sealed. I have been very fortunate to have my family support me through all my days of despair. I thank God every day for them and for people like you who let others know about this terminal illness.
Hi,
I have read your post, and I was wondering what are teh side effects of having ECT to you? I have a16 year old son (Bipolar 1) who had an ECT last April. It it indeed the effects are devastating, he has poor memory, and worse case, he lost a lot of his memory...which doctor used to say that lost memory will come back. It never will. What is lost, is lost!!!
Untill today, he is in depression, and he complains about his head-ache and dizzy. Are these the effect of teh ECT or his illness? His pdoc always says that it is his illness which makes him lethargic and his other complains. He is now taking Seroquel 500 and Fluozetine 10 (antidepressant). Because Lamictal made him lethargic. His antideprassant is intended for his depression. He has 2 pdocs, but both give different combination of med.
Anyway, would look forward to hearing from you. Take care.
The side effects of my ECT are much like you describe for your son. I lost a large portion of my memory and to this day, have not gotten it back. My memory remained poor for a very long time after the treatments as well. Right after the treatments, my daughter became my primary caretaker, even having to help me shower, because I couldn't remember anything. Some things have gotten better with time, but I feel that I lost more than I gained by having the ECT. The doctors wanted me to receive the treatments again but I refused. It's still outlawed in some states! I'm really sorry your son is having problems. Please remain supportive of him. I know it's hard, but it's what got me through the toughest times. Good luck and God bless!
Regarding the article on David Foster Wallace's suicide, I am glad that someone can articulate the unrelenting pain of an ongoing depression. So many people think there must be a reason, "a percipitating event". They do not understand that the depression is unrelentless and it never lets go. You try to gain a hold on the world and it starts to slip away. Fear is constant and anxiety never lets up.
Even physicians who are psychiatrists do not understand the depth of the pain. I once told a therapist the I hurt so much she might as well "cut out my heart" but she still did not get it. Every day I fight to stay alive and not to plan my freedom from this awful disease that wraps its arms around you and will not let go.
Thank you for being able to relate to being caught by a monster so strong and so deadly that it just seems better to give in and be free.
No name
Oh My, My heart breaks when I hear that another beautifull person, with a terrible disease has fallen. I totally understand, that suicide is a compulsive reaction, and that it is a temporary solution for a long term problem. In moments of great aniexty and despair, I too have contemplated commiting suicide. My husband gets into arguments with me in the car and on several occassions, I have unfastened my seat belt and grabbed for the door handle to open the door and just roll out and let go. My husband stops me, but he doesn't understand how quick the thought comes to you and I thank God that I have a husband that does care enough to stop me. I have also contemplated taking too much medication as well. I have a wonderful son, and in reality I wouldn't want to do anything to show him how not to live. This stops me as well. I do understand how David Foster Wallace felt. I am a Christian, I know that it is a sin to end your life, I always go on the hope that it will get better and when it does, I want to be there to see and be alive to experience the goodness. I pray for Mr. Wallace and his decision to end his life, I pray he is in a much better place. God Bless him. I have been on Antidepressants since I was 41 and I am now 54, soon to be 55. I have good days and bad days, most of all, I try to keep busy and helping others is a great way to feel better. Gratitude lists are a good thing. I suffer from PTSD and I have COD disorder as well. God Bless us all.
The Line Between Genius and "Insanity" is fine -- or some such remark from someone who was obviously quite observant. Although, I don't like the word "insanity."
In any case, why is it that many extremely creative, insightful, brilliant people seem to have a disproportionate percentage of mental illness?
Is it a "blessing" and a curse? Does the illness arise from the gifts? Or do the gifts induce the illness?
For example, hypersensitive people are extremely insightful and even prophetic. Yet, they are also very self-conscious and anxious?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Hello Deborah.
I came to your article, in the wake of the "debate" going on at the AWL, about Maria Bustillos recent essay on DFW. I was nice to find your gentle and compassionate comments on this tragic event and his life.
I am very sympathetic to your problems, if they are still with you, and the depression as experienced by the other 9 commentors here, and I note you mention a forum on this topic which you offer to fellow sufferer.
I wonder if you would share your thoughts on the following questions:
What have your own experiences been in childhood in your family and how these might have influenced / indeed caused, your symptoms which you describe as depression?
And what do you say / think about Alice Miller (a spontaneous reply would be helpful, before doing any research!)?
With best wishes all around. Raymond
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HI, I JUST READ YOUR POST AND IT IS SO SAD THAT SOME PEOPLE JUST CANT TAKE THE ORDEAL OF THE LIFE WE HAVE HERE ON EARTH. I HAVE NOT THOUGHT OF TAKING MY LIFE, BUT, I HAVE SAID MANY, MANY, TIMES THAT I WISH I COULD JUST LAY DOWN AND DIE.I GUESS GOD HAS MORE WORK FOR ME TO DO, JUST WISH I KNEW WHAT IT IS...I TALKED TO MY DR. AND I HAVE STOPPED TAKING ZOLOFT SO I AM GOING THROUGH BAD WITHDRAWAL SYPTOMS. IT HAS BEEN 9 DAYS SINCE I TOOK MY LAST PILL. I TOOK THE ZOLOFT FOR ALMOST 3 YRS. SO I GUESS IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR ME TO FEEL BETTER.I QUIT BECAUSE I AM TAKING SO MANY OTHER MEDS. I REALLY NEED SOME ONE TO PRAY FOR ME , I PRAY FOR GOD TO WALK WITH ME AND LIFT ME UP WHEN I FEEL LIKE GETTING THE BOTTLE OF ZOLOFT AND TAKING A HAND FULL JUST TO SEE IF I,LL FEEL BETTER...WELL, I SEE WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR POST...I,M SORRY, I TEND TO FORGET THAT I AM REPLYING TO WHAT YOU WROTE, AND AM JUST WRITING ABOUT ME...GOD BLESS YOU....JENNIFER....
Don't apologize, Jennifer. I'm always interested in seeing what kind of thoughts my SharePosts spark in people.