When my wife left me for her home country, my life, things, family, and friends went with her. I have nothing now except 4 walls, no one to talk to, no place to visit...empty. I am an empty vessel sitting in an empty house. I worked and lived for her alone.
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Hello, t85ncalm - I felt sad reading your post. You must love your wife very much. Can you talk any more about it? Was she homesick?
When you live your whole life FOR someone else, you deplete yourself, so now you need to start figuring out what YOU want to do and then you will meet people in the course of doing that. Do you feel depressed, and if so, for how long? It would be normal to be feeling grief right now, but if it gets too overwhelming, maybe you should talk to a doctor or psychologist about getting help.
I'd like to hear more about you and what happened, if you feel like it. Feel free to write here any time. There are many compassionate people on this site who will understand. Thanks for reaching out here.
Judy,
Thanks for writing. I am in a deep depression. Been this way since my wife left in January. Lately it has become worse because I lost my job. It is such a dreadful thought to wake up to another day. But I have no choice...I have many adult children and grand children...who have no time nor brains to help me, and I don't believe in suicide...so here I am.
Yesterday was a real bad day for me...I guess that's why I went to the Internet for someone to say, "Hello." I actually got sick in the stomache and had many panic attacks yesterday.
I'm presently visiting my daughter, her boyfriend, and two children. I slept over last night with them. But I need to go home tonight because my animals need care and I'm getting sick just thinking about it.
You asked for more info about my situation. My wife always had one foot in Delaware and the other in Brazil. I think she married me for citizenship. But this time she left and sold our properties in Brazil illegally on top of leaving me with all the bills.
And no, I don't love her as I did. But the sudden loss of my life has got me to the point od such despair, that I actually try to sleep my days away. I have no one to talk to or hang out with except this daughter I just told you about.
I do have medicine from a doctor, but we don't talk too much because he is a phychiatrist, not a Psychologist. It doesn't matter though because I know all the words, advice, and responses they would give if I were to use them.
You writing me is just as good as what they could do. Thanks. I need more people to talk to. Something to look forward to.
And yes, I am very depleted. My wife has been diagnosed with Extreme Rapid Bi-Polar...so it's been an 8 year roller coaster for me.
Hope you write again,
Tony
Tony, I don't know how long you've been on medication, but if it's been for a while, maybe you should tell your doctor that you still feel this badly. You've really got a lot of challenges right now - nothing like losing your job when you're already down.
I think you should give the idea of seeing a psychologist another thought. A good therapist could help and support you through this rough time. I don't know if I would be alive today if I hadn't gotten that kind of help. You'd be helping yourself and your kids and grandchildren. It would be great if you could enjoy them, especially the grandkids - they're young for such a short time.
I hope you can find a way to feel better soon. You're most likely still grieving your losses and it hurts a lot, I know, and it's hard to see how things could get better. But they can, they really can. I hope you'll keep writing here and reading the share posts that people write, as well as the comments. Thanks for sharing more of your story - maybe writing about it can help you work through it. Take care.
Judy,
I have amny medications which I take at bedtime only so as to get sleep. Other than that, I am drug free.
Because my wife I am very familar with the medical attention that I would recieve if I were to go to another doctor. I held her head above water for 8 years...always busy in every way possible to have and cause a normal life a nd marriage.
I am the fool who did this...I should have bailed out long ago.
People like you who reach out to others, which by the way is what I have been doing to help me get through this, are just as good as a doctor.
I look at depression as a battle of wills. I will win or I will continue to suffer. With my wife...I never won. And now with myseld...I have not won yet, but I am strong willed and hopeful.
Thanks for writing back,
Tony
Tony, I'm glad you are hopeful and strong-willed. Now I hope you can find some things in your life to bring back some joy, or at least enjoyment. What are your job prospects, do you think? I know it's a horrible time to be looking. I was able to retire early three years ago and am relieved that I don't have a job to lose. I hope you'll keep in touch!
Judy
Judy,
Really appreciate you writing to me.
There seems to be no remedy for the lost of my job. I am retired anyway, so my retirement seems to be enough. I am watching closely to see. I was working under the table and that is the job I lost. Long story...don't want to get in to it. Bottom line is I got screwed.
Today I will go back to sleep. I don't feel like doing anything.
I was suppose to go to church last night, got up early and prepared for it all day, but when it was time to get ready, I just decided not to go.
This would have been good for me because I would have got to see and hear people. So, I am pretty dissappointed right now.
So why are you on this site? Tell me your story. I can't continue to vent to you without you sharing too. That wouldn't be right. Besides, I have alot of expirience in counseling young adults, teenagers, and married couples with or with out children. I counciling was through the church many years ago.
So please share so I might know who I am talking too.
Years ago I was a counselor in church for troubled teenagers, young adults, and married couples with and without children.
Hope to hear from you,
Tony
Hi, Tony, thanks for writing again. Don't be too hard on yourself for not getting to church - it's okay to say no sometimes.
So, what's my story? I don't even remember how I found this website, it must have been back in February or March. Anyway, I've had depression off and on for most of my life, probably partly due to genetics and partly to an abusive childhood. I found out that I'd totally repressed a lot of things that happened to me until I started working in therapy, which I've been at for over 20 years now, which probably sounds nuts but I've got a good person to work with and it's working for me. I've also been on medication at least that long; in fact, recently I just added Zoloft.
I'm married, my husband still works part-time (which is perfect!) and I have two grown sons - the older one is married with a one-year-old boy and the younger one is autistic and developmentally disabled but lives in his own apartment with some minimal supervision, but he does have a full-time job working for Social Security. We're so lucky that things have worked out so well for him. Anyway, as kids will, they both presented challenges. The older one tried to kill himself twice; the first time, I found him hanging in the nick of time and then he told me later that he'd also tried to do the carbon monoxide thing but he heard the phone ring in the garage and it kind of brought him to his senses. Both sons are still on antidepressants, as well, and they're 31 and 35.
I worked for a big corporation for 35 years before I retired, a job that was fun for the first half and a living hell for the last 12 years, so trying to cope with depression while dealing with that every day was at times overwhelming. When I got my "magic number" to collect my pension, I got the hell out of there. Another one of those long stories....
Basically, I've always felt stupid and evil and on a rational level, I know that's not true, but it got pounded into me for so many years, it's like it's in my bones and that's the kind of stuff I'm still working on. My mother is a classic narcissist and my dad was a rageaholic but has mellowed with age. They spend the winters in Florida, so that's a break. They never showed much interest in their grandchildren, either, and now wonder why they never come around.
So, that's my story in a nutshell. I feel like I've learned a lot about life by now and like to "pay it forward" as they say, for all the help I've gotten over the years. I realize that so many things are just not worth the energy of worrying about them, or arguing about them and people are going to do what they're going to do. You can only change yourself. Of course, changing yourself always ends up in adjustments for those you live with! That's been a journey, but my husband and I have been married for 37 years and still enjoy doing things together.
I hope that you can find some things to do that interest you and also meet some new people eventually. I know it's probably the last thing you feel like doing, but you know, of course, it's just what you need! I hope you'll continue to write so you're not so alone. I'm a pretty good listener! I hope you have a good week-end, Tony.