Sometimes I feel emotionally lost. It's like the world goes on with out me. I can't seem to participate in life. I know I have low self estem. When I meet people on the street I don't look them in the eye. I look down. I have issues with verbal abuse. My husband has OCD and is VERY,VERY, particular. I feel like I have given up who I am to become what he wants me to be. But once I do then thats not how he wanted things after all. One time he asked me "why don't you ever sing when I'm around". I wouldn't sing with him around for nothing. Everything else I enjoy has been criticized, or I've been ridiculed over. I have to have something left. I have to like what he likes. I love horses and used to show not anymore. His thoughts are horses are dumb and anyone who is dumb enough to waste there time with a horse must be even dumber than the horse is. He hates cats, rock music, picnics, yard sales, and animals. An he is so all mighty and all knowing and worthy that anyone who does not like what he likes is not valid. We argue all the time over control. Well his control over me. I am 38 and with the help of an in home councler (which should have been for my son who was acting out) have regained some backbone. I'm 38 and just got my first credit card. I have no credit because I have not worked in 15 years and everything has always been paid for in cash, I opened a checking account because eventhough ny husband and I have a joint account he forbids me to write any checks out of it. If I do I have to get his permission in advance and give him the cash to cover the amount the check is for. I am also getting a cell phone for the first time ever. Yikes!! All this new twentyith century stuff is scary. It is not 1940 any more. Well , well, this was not what I had planned on writing but It's what came out and I do feel much better. Thank you for listening. Respond if you'd like. It would be helpful to know some one hears me and maybe even cares.
10 Things Not to Say to Someone With Depression 
6 Behavior Changes During Depression 
Getting to Know Your 5 Essential Brain Chemicals 
10 Surprising Ways to Enhance Your Mind 
Hello, Honey. It sounds like you are taking all the right steps to try to reclaim your life, but I understand that it's going to be scary for a while. I was about 40 when I realized that I had never really known who my real self was, I just did what other people wanted me to do - that's what kept me safe when I was a kid. Eventually, I realized that I didn't really have to live like that any more, that there were no more terrible threats and that I could set boundaries. I'm not saying it was easy, but take all the help you can get and you will figure out what you need to do. Do you think it's possible for things to change between you and your husband? Of course, you can only change yourself, but I was wondering if you thought there was a chance that he might be able to own the way he's treated you and try to make things better. I hope that's the case. Now that you see how it's affected you, you will have a hard time "settling" for this kind of treatment again, nor should you ever have to.
I hope you'll continue to let us know how you're doing. I'm praying that it all goes well.
I think about things between my husband and myself and wonder if things have gone beyond repair. I'm not ready to give up yet. We've been married 17 years. It's been cold and lonely alot of the time but there was once something there between us. So with the right help, forgiveness and time maybe there will be again. My husband has started seeing a phychatrist. (sorry bad spelling) He's been given Luvox for OCD, PTSD, and depression. We are also attending marriage counceling. I'm optimistic about our future. He has began to realize I have a fear of him. He creates a very "Walking on eggshells" feeling and it's torn my nerves to pieces. I now take zoloft to deal with him. He's been a little calmer sence finding out that the kids and I were afraid of him. It's not so much that he was going to hurt someone but afraid in a whats next sence or who's gonna get yelled at tonight. That is happening less and less. It's difficult when it does happen. It brings back all the past hurt, pain, and fear. It makes it seem like it was yesterday. I've told him we've had 15 years of bad I need more than 3 weeks of good to feel safe. It has certinly been long and hard but we are working on getting things on the right path. Somedays I feel like our marriage is SO over. I'm wasting my time, holding up the future, and have to be crazy to stick around to see what happens next. But right now I'm not just sticking around to see what happens next, I'm influencing what I want to happen next. As long as he never puts a hand on me or our kids I'll still have hope for the future.