Sometimes I feel emotionally lost. It's like the world goes on with out me. I can't seem to participate in life. I know I have low self estem. When I meet people on the street I don't look them in the eye. I look down. I have issues with verbal abuse. My husband has OCD and is VERY,VERY, particular. I feel like I have given up who I am to become what he wants me to be. But once I do then thats not how he wanted things after all. One time he asked me "why don't you ever sing when I'm around". I wouldn't sing with him around for nothing. Everything else I enjoy has been criticized, or I've been ridiculed over. I have to have something left. I have to like what he likes. I love horses and used to show not anymore. His thoughts are horses are dumb and anyone who is dumb enough to waste there time with a horse must be even dumber than the horse is. He hates cats, rock music, picnics, yard sales, and animals. An he is so all mighty and all knowing and worthy that anyone who does not like what he likes is not valid. We argue all the time over control. Well his control over me. I am 38 and with the help of an in home councler (which should have been for my son who was acting out) have regained some backbone. I'm 38 and just got my first credit card. I have no credit because I have not worked in 15 years and everything has always been paid for in cash, I opened a checking account because eventhough ny husband and I have a joint account he forbids me to write any checks out of it. If I do I have to get his permission in advance and give him the cash to cover the amount the check is for. I am also getting a cell phone for the first time ever. Yikes!! All this new twentyith century stuff is scary. It is not 1940 any more. Well , well, this was not what I had planned on writing but It's what came out and I do feel much better. Thank you for listening. Respond if you'd like. It would be helpful to know some one hears me and maybe even cares.