Hi, Lodovicho.  I don't think you're alone in having difficulty accomplishing what you want to.  Sometimes that's a big symptom of depression.  Have you seen a doctor or therapist?  A psychologist could probably evaluate you for that and maybe for something like ADD.  It sounds like you get pretty frustrated with yourself.  Maybe talking to someone about why you think these things happen would be helpful.  Try not to be so hard on yourself and think of it as, perhaps, your psyche telling you something needs to change.

Don't know if that helps at all, but I don't think it would hurt to get it checked out.  Thanks for visiting the site, it's a good place to vent.

Hi, Lodovicho.

I think it's an easy cycle to get into - starting but not completing anything. I often find I fear accomplishing things because I fear success. I don't think I'm worthy of it. Why should life be made easier by being able to drive myself around? For example. Also driving means a lack of control for me because I move much faster (and sometimes my brain feels like mush and is slow and so that scares me) and I have no control over everyone else on the road who are driving about fast too... that lack of control freaks me out. So generally I hate driving too.

Still I hope you can find it in yourself to stick to a task, just to complete it. It's the whole idea that you are in a pattern of not completing anything but if you get yourself used to completing things that will become the pattern... if that makes sense. Perhaps you could start small. Maybe say that you will go and do something once a week - even if it is just walking to a nearby park or something, or going to the movies (or something else you enjoy) and sticking to it.

I liked what Merely Me said about you needing to do things for you - like losing weight. If you don't feel comfortable and would like to get fitter than by all means work on that - but if you think you want to lose weight to satisfy another person's opinion... it doesn't work that way. Nobody has any control over what anyone else thinks. I've had people turn me away for being too thin. You can't worry about what others think - you need to be satisfied in yourself (much easier said than done, I know.)

Anyway I hope you continue to write here and that in time perhaps you'll learn how to keep with a task. I think it's partly to do with the depressed mind of feeling inadequate and lack of energy and motivation... keep at it, especially if it bugs you so.

Lodovicho

11/ 3/09 7:02pm

Firstly, thank you for your comments. I've felt terribly alone recently, and found it really hard to open up to friends/family- and I sincerely thank you- Judy, Merely Me, and Lyra storm- for taking the time to comment. It really does mean a lot.

In answer to your question, a stone is 14lbs :o) I'm from Wales, U.K.

 

The weight is something I want to change. More than anything. I don't know if it would change my own perception or attitude... but I feel it could help.

 

....And yet I feel incredibly lethargic all the time when it comes to exercise- I'm ok once I'm doin it. But like everything with me, it takes an incredible ammount of effort to get going. Life shouldn't be this much effort.

Lodovicho

12/ 6/09 8:05pm

Bad day today. Just got home from London, went out for my friends birthday after travelling halfway across the country to see him, and felt completely insignificant and inadequate met new people, who were perfectly nice, and just couldnt socialize with them until i'd had too much to drink.

Thats becoming another theme; drink. I'm drinking too much, I know I am. i'm getting wasted 3 or 4 times a week. and then of course I feeel crappy afterwards. Started questioning my career, almost resented my friend for having the confidence and intelligence to be able to go and start a career and finish uni.

I wish I could start my life again.

LyraStorm

12/ 6/09 9:31pm

Socialising is tough and it is easy to fall on a crutch like drinking. Many people do it. The problem is when you start drinking too much - they say the first step is awareness so perhaps now that you're aware of your problem you can do something about it... have you thought about going to AA meetings? Just for some support and ideas of ways to cope without hitting the bottle...

 

We all make mistakes and we all wish to improve our lives. I guess in the end it all depends on whether we are miserable enough to do something about it. Again it is natural to feel jealous of someone, even a friend, if they manage to achieve something that we want - I guess the key is to try to imitate them instead of just seething in resentment. Easier said than done I know but your life isn't over - if you'd like to make a change I'm sure there are ways to do exactly that. It all just depends on whether you want it enough.

 

Keep writing here but try putting up new posts so people can see that you've added more instead of just writing on this one.