My boyfriend who I have been together with for about a year now has split up with me for the second time, and it is all down to depression. The first time was very hard for me because I couldn't really see that anything was wrong. Looking back there were signs, but I just thought it was the relationship going through to the next stages. Not every relationship is perfect. He was going through a lot of changes and stress at work as well. I know that he has been depressed before in the past, because he has told me. I think the natural changes in the relationship, where everything isn't always happy, happy, happy, but where the relationship is turning more into a solid relationship, and the stress at work triggered the depression. He all the time was scared that he was boring, because he couldn't do fun things with me anymore. I reasured him that he wasn't and I understood. I know he isn't boring. He also started to get really het up about his weight. I would say to the extreme. He says he always wants to look good for me, although I kept telling him he looks good and I would love him whatever. I really really love him, and I know he loves me, and the first time he split up with me it came as such a shock. We had been talking about moving in together in the future, and he was telling me he wanted to marry me and have my children. I went home over christmas, as I am a student, and when I came back he was not himself. He was very, very quiet and wouldn't talk to me. Then he told me he didn't know how he felt about me, and he couldn't see his future with me. He said he loved me, and then that he had no emotions, so doesn't know if it teally is love. I was devestated. We talked, and he said he thought he was depressed. I said I would be there for him, and we stayed together, but what he siad hurt me, and it played on my mind. I didn't know what was real anymore, the trust I felt and the scurity I felt with him started to fade. I talked to him about how I felt and he split up with me, but he sounded so confused, like he didn't know what he wanted. I was so upset, I couldn't think straight. I looked up about depression, and I realised I shouldn't take personally what he said to me, and I knew that he did love me, deep down. I phoned him saying I understood, and that I would stand by him as a friend. He was so relieved, saying he didn't know what he would do without me. He awnted yo meet up to talk about his feelings, but whenever we met up, although we woulod talk, he kept making it like we were still together, like putting his arm round me, and yet he would say that he doesn't know what he wanted. It really messed with my head. I decided it would be better if we didn't see each other. This was terrible though, I hated not being with him. I didn't know what to do for the best. Everything seemed so wrong. So I decided, whilst he was getting counselling, we should see another counsillelor together, so that I could understand him better, and also learn how I can deal with the situations. We went to one session, and it was good. When we left, he told me he wanted to tell me something. We went for a walk by the river, and he told me he loved me, and that he had always loved me. He wanted to get back with me and he realised that he had made a mistake. He promised he would never do anything like that to me again. We got back together, and things seemed to be looking up. He would carry on getting councelling, and we were also going to keep going to these sessions together. My partner aked if he could get some time of at work, and he was given less responsibilities, he stared being more himself again, and I was so relieved. He said that he was better now, and stopped seeing the counsellor. He siad he didn't think it was very good anyway, because they tried to make him talk about stuff that he thought were illrelevant, and he didn't want to talk about them. We didn't go back to the sessions together like we planned because I got very busy with University work, and he seemed better anyway. Again, he started to talk baout marriage, and how he wanted to go on holiday with me in the summer. Things were good for about four months, but then we had an argument about something silly. It was just lack of comminiation, we sorted it out. Then something similar happened again, I was meant to be staying round his, but I went home. I thought about how we could resolve things, so the silly arguments wouldn't happen again. I told him via text that I wanted to talk, and we arranged a date later that week. Before I went to bed that day I phoned him and told him I loved him. He said he was happy I had phoned him and told him that as he was sacred I was going to split with him. He siad he loved me very much too. We texted each other in between the time we were going to meet up, and everything seemed normal. Then when we met up to talk, he was like how he was when he told me last time he didn't think he loved me. He was vey qiuet and down. He said he had to tell me something, but couldn't, as he didn't want to mess things up between us. He wanted things to stay the same. Finally I managed to get him to tell me what was on his mind, and he said he felt the same as last time, that he didn't want to be with me anymore. I asked him if it was because of the argument and he said yes. I spoke to him about it, as planned, and he cheered up. We spent teh rest of the day together joking and laughing, and being how we usually are together. I thought eveything was fine. He was talking about where we should go on holiday and asking me if i wanted to meet up that weekend. Suddenly, out of the blue, he said he wanted to be serious with me. He said he can't see a future with me, and doesn't think he loves me enough. Sometimes he loves me lots, but other times he feels nothing. He siad he loves me, but can't be with me, because it wouldn't work, and if we got married we would just get devorced. It was so out of the blue. I tried to explain to him, that relationships arn't perfect and that love is not always going to be lovey dovey. I got angry with him, I just didn;t understand. His explanations wern't making sense and he kept changing is mind. Eventually I said, if you think it is right split with me, but I'm not going to talk to you again, because I remembered how horrible it was the first time round. He said ok. I asked him, are you sure this is what you want, and he said yes. It came as such a shock to me, as far as I was concerned, everything was fine. I got no warnings that this was going to happen, and he didn't ever behave as if he didn't love me. In relationships in the past, I have been able to tell if the person is falling out of love with me. I have since looked up depression since, and I don't think he stopped being depressed teh first time round, and stopped getting help too soon. He felt like he was better, but he wasn't. I also think we got back together too soon. I have texted him saying that I think he is still depressed, and then I would really like him to go to the doctors and see what they say. I said that I would go with him if he wants. I havn't heard anything since. I texted him, because I thought phoning him would be too emotional, and he doesn't needlots of emotion right now. I want to be a good friend to him, and support him, because I love him, and because of this I think talking to him would not be a good idea. I just hate this situation so much, and don't really know what to do for the best. I know he has only split up with me because of his depression, and not because he doesn't love me, because it is obvious that he does. Everyone was so shocked when they found out he had split up with me. I hate this situation so much, please could someone give me some advice? I miss him so much, and I am very worried about him. xxxVivoGirlxxx