SharePost? What a perky term. Good grief.

Dear Claire

 

I was reading every words you wrote I can't say you'll pass it and this is the nature of life no I can't no absolutely I can't . But let me tell my story I'm Iraqi that's country who cursed by the war since I born in1983 and I think you heard all the news about this country . I'm the only son for my family I have my mom, dad ,and older sister who raised me to be like my mom .I was so happy I finished my Architecture college and I joined the master program in Baghdad University I had my car and nice home and part time jobs as assistant senior architect with big salary. I was so happy I was enjoying my life with my family and I'd a nice girlfriend spouse to be my wife whenever I finish my study it was the perfect life I ever dreamed about. but the situation in the September 2006 being so bad and I was in the Architecture department when I got a phone call inform me my girlfriend had been kidnapped and the kidnapper ask for a ransom I was shocked I never believe in the first I couldn't to be honest then after many attempts to got her back nothing happen even her family paid the ransom nothing happen after one month her family called me and they told they found her dead in the general hospital with three bullets in her head. My life being dark and I couldn't awake from this till now .... I went back to my home and cried on my pillow for along time I couldn't imagine the girl who I loved for 5 years just gone forever. but life is continue even if you didn't want to .then after 15 days I get a call from somebody he's warning me there are people want to kidnap me then I arrange my passport and get a visa to Dubai and I left my country in the 1st of January 2007 to be here in Dubai and off course I left my nice job in Iraq , my car, my beloved family and my land I raised in it for total 24 years.

in Dubai I lived alone with my sweet memory and with the wrath of the past. I get a job in Dubai but not as a designer ,in management company which perfect job but I don't like it because I want to be designer I wanted to finish my master degree and then get the PhD and being a professor and open my design firm and be like Zaha Hadid or Gehry again my dreams fallen again ......Emotionally I can't love any girl because I still in love with my girl and I always live on her image inside my head I always listen to livin' on a prayer and Only lonely for Bon Jovi . I can't think I'll be with another woman. I had one year in Dubai and I feel I lose all the people I loved I feel I'm so devastating . I can't go back to my country, I can't bring back the people from death. I can understand you when you said I don't want any body to tell my beloved ones are living in your memory no I want them to be near to me living with me I know that but we must going on in this cruel life no body can change his fate but you can always remember the sweet moment that you spent it with them the smiles that they gave to you the passion, the love, the happiness and the feelings you shared with them we'll always lose the people who we loved but we must be strong enough to face this truth.

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I too suffer from depression and anxiety.  I also obsess over my children growing up and starting their own lives and I too was a child of neglect who lost her immediate family in a very short time period.  The confusion, frustration and just wanting to scream sometimes is almost unbearable.  My family is the only thing sometimes that keeps me focused and strong.  I really would like to talk sometime.  My name is Natalie. I am wishing you well and hold on-because you are important and you need to tell yourself that everyday. :)
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