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Feeling Bad

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classy@40

classy@40

Wed, December 31, 2008

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I would give anything to just feel good one day. I wake up every morning hoping this day will be the one. I am so tired of feeling this way and sometimes the pain is more than I can handle. I am taking Effexor and have been for the last 2 years but to tell you I feel any better would be a lie. I feel like my depression has gotten worse and I keep going downhill.Sometimes I just want to close my eyes and never wake up but I have 3 reasons to try to hold on (as hard as it is) because they mean the world to me. If it would not be for my kids I know I would not be here. Has anyone ever felt like they were on a cliff and so many days you saw yourself right on the edge, and other days you were able to move away a little but yet still vulnerable on that cliff with no security because you can move to the edge so quickly.That is how I feel. I have been on this cliff for a while now and I don't know how to come down and as long as I am up there I am vulnerable and being that close to the edge you never know if or when that one thing is going to push you right over.I would not wish this pain on anyone.

Anonymous
liz
1/ 1/09 2:03pm

your not alone, i am in the same boat, i dont know how im going to get through the next minute. every day is like the same thing over and over. i hate waking up

1/ 1/09 8:01pm

Please, don't give up! The right antidepressant, combined with counseling, exercise (if possible), eating in a healthy manner, and hopefully, having a spiritual program, will put you on the path to a life you will want to give up for.  If any unresolved issues, such as addiction or abuse issues, are still in your life, you will feel better after you start dealing with them. Above all, I practice gratitude in my life, which believe me, I know can be hard to while you are in your suffering.  I, too, have children who suffered along with me at my lowest points.  At 57, I finally have have a life I can enjoy and appreciate most of the time.  I still use antidepressants, and I have dealt with every issue mentioned in this email.  Try to look at it as an adventure. Just do not ever, ever give up.  You are worth it!

1/ 1/09 8:03pm

Oops... in my previous post, I wished to use the phrase "get up for" rather than "give up for."  Knew I should have proofread my post. Sorry!

1/ 2/09 12:36am

I have dealt with depression/bipolar? for 18 years. My suggestion would be to try another doctor. If he has not changed or added any med in 2 years, you need a more experienced doctor. My experience has been that after 3-4 months, or sooner, with no change in your depression,etc.,need to be assertive with doctor. What have been his repsonses to you in past 2 years about your prolonged depression?

 

SRay

Anonymous
Anonymous
1/ 3/09 1:17pm

The pain of waking up and having to face another day is almost the worst pain there is. I think we all have enough reasons in our lives to feel depressed but it is the debilitating hollowness that is the killer.  The only time I actually look forward to is night time so I can go to sleep without a reason.  For me, aging has been the thing that started it.  Loss of hormones, not being able to take replacement therapy, blah, blah blah. Taken a lot of different kinds of meds, but some make me fat and some make me cry and others make me numb...sound familiar???  I am a successful writer....good thing.  I have a new grand Daughter I adore..... - great thing...I have a fabulous and loving husband of 35 years....rare thing.....I am not rich but I am far from poor.....nice thing......so why do I want somebody to shoot me PLEASE????

 

Numb in Northern NY

Anonymous
Des
1/26/09 11:36am

I feel exactly the way you do.  Incredible how you can put my feelings into words.  I just wish I could explain this to the people around me in a way they'd understand.

1/26/09 12:38pm

Hi Des.  I am a writer so I get paid to put feelings into words.  You would be amazed at the responses I got to the post.  The number of hollow feeling, walking dead there are out here is staggering. In a way it does help knowing there are so many that feel as we do, but as all things are relative to ourselves only, it's not much help.  Does talking about it really help??  I mean, to like minded depressed people or do we just feed into already pinched nerves???  Maybe we should just issue a mission statement we can just show people when we are trying to tell people how we feel...that would make for one less depressing thing we have to do.

 

Iwritesongs2 in NY

Anonymous
Rachel
3/ 5/09 1:11pm

EmbarassedLaughing hi there, i think you should talk to your DR and tell him how your  feeling also try to exercise, go for a walk get some sunshine living with depression does hurt i know it took me more then two years to feel better..thank god its working for me good luck

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