The adage of "one day at a time" gives me hope, I can do anything for one day. It allows me to know that I cannot control anything outside the circle of change called ME. Because I know I can't impact others, I can help myself. BE THE CHANGE is something that has helped me to "let it begin with me". i.e. I cannot change what others think, do, and say, but what I can do is look at how I react to whatever it is by reframing it in the context of my whole life realizing that in that HUGE venue of time, it's nanoseconds and has less importance. Having it weigh less, helps me with my perspective. So the question that prompts me to think better is: In the big scheme of life, how important is this moment? What price am I willing to pay to be right? The choices I make are mine, making better choices has increased my life enjoyment. Accountability to myself and God are what make me tow the line. Therapy taught me to identify my true feelings and learn to match my behavior with my intent. Nothing works 100% of the time, but it certainly has increased my ability to achieve more favorable outcomes for me and others.
What is my perspective? When my depression is active, everything sucks! When I control my mindset rather than allowing it control me, life brings with it opportunity for change. Therein lies hope. Understanding the disease of depression has empowered me to control what I can.
Simply put, avoiding negative people is paramount. They will suck what little energy I have. Being in tune with my energy is crucial to my ability to navigate through my day. If something is bugging me, it's robbing me of my energy. If something is managable, it is much more likely I will break it into little pieces and begin to widdle away at it.
My weight has gone from 165 to 215 lbs. since 1998 when I was diagnosed. I hate my body and the way I look. My face is rounder, but I still put on make up. Once possessing a long slender model like neck, I now have a triple chin at times. Once having long lanky, sleek legs, now they are chubby with vericose veins and broken capillaries. My stomache from stress resembles that of a 4 to 5 month pregnant woman. Where once I could easily bend over to tie my shoes now I sensitive feel the fat roll when I bend down to perform this simple task. I selected a new style of rectangle/square glasses to slim down the appearance. I force myself to try to put my best foot forward. I get my hair cut regularly and still color the gray to retard the aging process. Trying at my looks make me feel more confident. Funny in my 20's when I modeled, I lacked confidence, but looked great. Now confident that I am a child of God with meaning and purpose gives me strength and the appearance is only enhanced by His light shining through to others. Having confidence helps me distract myself from negative thoughts, if only for brief moments. While I haven't found the courage to exercise yet, I have attacked what I consume. Little to no sugar, more veggies and balance with proteins. No alcohol, it's a depressant (this factor was eliminated for me over 30 years ago). No sugar is particularly hard, my loves are bread, chocolate milk, and ice cream. Putting nuts in sweets I make for my kids helps me stay away because I HATE NUTS. Visualizing sweets I detest (donuts, cake) in place of those I desire helps me step back (key lime pie, hot fudge sundaes)...or splitting it with a friend at least let's me cut the sugar in half.
It is IMPERATIVE that we not give up. Rebel that I am at times, I get upset with a health care, employment, dating, social system that negates our ability to improve our quality of life. Some of us are not TOTALLY dabilitated (sp?) by this disease. We must find the where with all to overcome those sterotypes and make "them" (aliens -- tee hee) understand that while we are all unique we can not succumb to their perspectives of us, we must find our own successes and support one another for without that we risk losing hope.
I'm not sure what insurance plan you have but many plans offer support via a monthly social worker call to monitor your progress, battles etc. Many anti-depressant manufacturers also offer this as well.
Knowing your body and is paramount. Understanding your thought processes and why they "go there" helps you overcome some of the battles. Read, read, read. Reading leads to understanding for me and knowledge arms me with tools to overcome obstacles.
Avoid toxic people, we can't afford them in our lives; it's the kiss of death.
Many times it is our ability to "take in" what we can use and "discard" the rest that affects our ability to cope. Coping is essential.
This disease has had some ramifications on myself as a child, my mother had it for 12 years...I became the mom during that time period with 7 kids, you can imagine how overly responsible I became. This disease has impacted my children in a different way. I have owned my behavior and responsibilities and called on them to understand this isn't a disease that I desire but one that I must overcome. Accepting it, doesn't mean I have to like it!
....I remember calling my daughter's compassionate principle when she was 7 because I was despondent. My daughter's fear was that I would kill myself. I explained to the principle that while I could say the right words to my daughter that my behavior spoke otherwise to this small child who I was the world to. She spoke with my daughter that day and reassured her that she was loved and cared for and that those who knew and loved her would in fact support her if she ever needed to talk.
....Likewise the disease has alerted me to deficient coping mechanisms at key times in my son's life. While he has learned from watching me pick myself up and dust myself off, there has been times he didn't know which way to turn because my perspective on my disease and that of his father (non-supportive, narcissist that he is -- oops, that was negative!) conflicted and left him wondering which tools to grab on to. Walking him thru via offering him one tool at a time gave him the opportunity to empower himself by selecting the right tool for the right application.
Amazing Grace must NEVER be discounted! When I'm in the throws of my disease, I reach for the same book the pioneers did, the Bible. This helps me reacquaint myself with the bigger picture in life and my purpose for being. While it doesn't help me when I need a tangible, that's when I need to call a fellow believer to simply hold me and accept me for who I am without judgement.
Another tool that I use is to allow myself the right to grieve, feel sad, etc. I will set the timer on the oven and Vent in my most practical way for me, resting, writing, talking, a compulsive cleaning binge and my favorite....popping the air bubbles on bubble pack! (This was a tool I use with my elderly and with my toddlers when I went thru my divorce. For them it was the fun of putting it on the floor and jumping on it that helped them release their powerlessness.)
HANG IN THERE, YOU'RE DOING FINE!!!!
One of the WORST things people would say to me was...."This too shall pass" while I often know that it will in my head, in my the midst of it, it doesn't feel like it will ever end. On the other hand, one of the most HELPFUL things sad as it may seem was when I heard "You're right where you are supposed to be." That gave me permission in essence to find the good in the scenario and look for the silver lining.
If I can help one person with what I have learned better cope with this awful disease, then I have served my purpose for this hour in this day and for that I am eternally grateful to Jesus Christ.