ghosts from the past while dealing with depression

Its 5.30 in the morning australian time and i woke up with tears streaming down my face.  A ghost from my past had materialised in my dream an abusive father who didnt think twice before he reacted. A broken nose battered legs screaming in pain stop daddy stop but it kept going why cant we talk why did it have to end in violence,a broken nose but no drs visits. Mum why didnt u take me to the dr.

Then 30 years later  the same thing happens to my child and yet felt torn between the child and and the adult.  My child then is forced to leave home so the violence stops. Utter helplessness.  Then guilt that u didnt protect ur child. The child is now 20 the mother is now 41 suffering depression and being diagnosised with severe oseteoarthritis in the lower back. The drugs make u sleep most day u wake up tired but at least the pain has stopped. u run out of medication over the easter break ur dr goes on holidays then u run out of money then a comment for the hospital dr why didnt u get the prescription earlier. thats living this world.  but u receive ur medication u fall asleep only to wrestle which the ghost of "xmas past." Confused This is a bad day for me. But tomorrow will be better.