I'm beginning to feel as though all I'm doing is making pharmacy companies very wealthy. I'm so depressed so I take an anti-depressant,. Why am I depressed? My whole life sucks. I ruptured part of my pelvis so I'm in pretty much pain all the time. I'm unableto do any of the things I used to. I'm tired of reading,playing computer games and struggling to go to work. I used to have sucha great work ethis. Never hardly missed a day. Now I never want to get outof bed. I thought coming off some of the narcotics would help. I was taking a long acting opiate with breakthrough meds. It seemed if I took a breakthrough med I just felt sick. If I didn't ake anything, wee ther were the withdrawal symptoms. I think I'm through with that. I've stoppped the long acting meds. The breakthrough work better but zi still just never feel pain free enough to walk. Its painful to sit, stand or walk. What's left but bed. My orthopedists noted say I'm terribly disabled but doen't want me to go that route. My job is great and they do take care of me. Sometimes just the stress of getting up and knowing I'm not doing my best is just as depressing. Even if one was to try for disabilty, one would have to almost become homeless. I'm tired of being tired. I just started 10 mg of Lexapro and take Xanax for anxiety and clonopin for restless leg syndrome. Now I know you think I'm tired because of all these drugs,but I never take them at the same time or every day. When the paiin gets so bad I take the pain med and sometimes the Xanax because pain causes me to panic. IS there anyway I'll ever feel better. I really just want to stayhome in bed all the time. I can't remember feeling this bad for a long time. Wouldn't even consider suicide jusy want to sleep. No pain then. Pain docs,orthopedists say there is nothing left to do to help me.
I know why I'm depressed just don't know what to do.Exercise?? I can'talk more than a 100 feet. I was such an outdoor person and I'm trying to reach out but most of the suggestions like getting out more means you haveto feel like getting up. The hardest part. I want to giveup and just stay in bed. I am amused by the computercat least and one can stay in bed. What a great life!
Hey Sally
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. Life seems inherently unfair. Maybe it is a cliche but...sometimes bad things happen to good people. I hear the frustration, anger, and sadness in your message.
While I nor anyone else can never know what you are going through...we all have our unique struggles. I was just diagnosed with multiple sclerosis over a year ago. And I have a son who has autism who doesn't understand my limitations. I worry for him. I worry for me. Sometimes I have to face the fact that...I can no longer do all the things I used to be able to do. It is hard. It is depressing. When I first heard of my diagnosis I yelled obscenities. I was so angry. And I still am.
I think...that you may be feeling some anger over all this. And you have every right to. But when the anger fades...and you are left with the depression...perhaps that is where the real work begins. You are then in the process of figuring out what to do with what you have been given.
So I am not going to give you a bunch of suggestions for feeling better or "getting out" or any of that. I am just going to tell you to feel as you feel. Talk, write, connect...and get it all out.
We are listening...