I'm at the end of my proverbial rope when it comes to my insecurities. I have been dealing with depression for years but just recently diagnosed. I fear letting people in because I don't want to be a dissapointment. I put too much weight on what others think of me and too little on what I think of myself. I tend to sabotage myself when it comes to having successful friendships and relationships. I would appreciate some help in dealing with and building my low self esteem. Thanks all!
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new and need help please.
11/ 4/09 10:18pm
Hi there
I do this too. But when you look to others for your self esteem...you give other people so much power over you. You need that power for yourself. Don't give it away!
So what do you think of you? Can you tell us three things you like about yourself? When I am asked such a thing it is very difficult for me to do...but helpful. Wanna try it?
We are really happy you have joined this site. Please keep writing and sharing...we are here for you!
11/ 4/09 11:06pm
It's so nice to hear others have the same problem. You're absolutely right that I give others too much power by looking to them for self esteem. As for three things I like about myself, that is a bit difficult because I can say good things about myself but have trouble believing them. I have a good sense of humor(and believe it), I'm smart but have found myself stuck, and I'm a good listener. It is hard to come up with good things when depressed and if one hasn't been there, they don't understand.
11/ 4/09 11:13pm
You did great!
These are three really wonderful attributes...you sound like you are a good friend to people. Is it hard to embrace that you have these good qualities?
When you tell yourself bad things...do you have any idea where this comes from? Was there someone in your life who was/is negative? Do you have supportive and positive people to hang around with now?
keep writing and sharing...I think you are on your way towards some good growth and changes. But like Judy was saying...sometimes it can help to talk such things over with a therapist.
Perhaps I can write a post about self esteem in the future...I think this is a topic a lot of people can relate to!
11/ 5/09 10:24am
Thanks, I can be a great friend. I have had a lot of negativity from outside sources. I was teased a lot in school, have had several bad relationahipa, and in the last 6 months have who I thought was a friend turn and burn me big. I also have a partner who is understanding at times but very pushy and harsh at other times. I feel as if my partner thinks I'm just trying to get out of living and trying to get attention. On a good note, I do have a few positive people in my life that do understand or at least try to.
11/ 5/09 4:52am
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Hi, Stewie - I know what you're talking about and it's difficult to work through when you've been doing this all your life. Do you fear letting people in because you don't want to BE a disappointment, or do you fear BEING disappointed by others? I would guess you're feeling like people are judging you. I've been working on this same stuff for years.
I would suggest you get a therapist, if you don't already have one, so you have a place to talk this out and get support for trying some new behaviors and taking some risks. We'd like to hear more of your story and hope you will keep writing. People on this site are very supportive (but you should still have a therapist!).