Hey there
You have a double whammy with feeling sick and then to have your fiance not want to talk to you. Isn't it amazing how much power words can have? It must be so hard to not feel supported? What sort of support would you like from him? What helps? What does not help? It might be good to think on these things to have some clear expectations of what you want from this relationship.
Please keep writing...we are here to listen.
Hi Stewie,
Wow, he sounds exactly like my boyfriend. My boyfriend hangs up on me if he doesn't
like something I say. Then he doesn't answer just like yours. Sure hurts for us.
I go elsewhere as much as possible for emotional support- he is not cabable of giving it unfortunately. I know we deserve it from our partners though--we can get it here :)
Marishka
Hi Stewie,
Well done you for opening up to your boyfriend. I've found the more open you can be the better 'cos things can be cleared up before they fester and get out of proportion.
I've been with my partner now for 19years and only had the depression really badly since 1998 although I must have had it on and off all my life. Anyway...I had a really awful bout of depression over the last two years and during this time our relationship suffered. It must be really difficult dealing with us when we are so down...and what's worse is they have to cope with our irrational thoughts and beliefs without having the benefit of hearing them first.!!!! It sounds like your boyfriend is doing the right thing for himself...protecting himself when he needs to and learning not to engage in discussion with you until he has calmed down...it's much better than fighting and it gives you time to cool off as well...then when you do talk you can both be more objective.
You seem to now be moving to the same page...keep up the good work, don't forget to listen to his views and feelings as well and try and talk about fun things with him as well as the ones on which you need support. Relationships should be fun even if they are long distance! Just be creative with your communications!
Also don't forget you are two separate individuals who need your own space as well to act independently of one another and go places and experience different things as well as the time you share collectively as a couple. That way you can look forward to the time you spend together without feeling the pressure to be together all the time.
Take care now and hope to hear how things are progressing.
Hypno
Do keep sharing and take care.
Hi, Stewie. It certainly doesn't sound like you've had a good day. I was wondering if you'd thought about seeing a couples therapist - do you think he'd go? It's amazing how much better you can communicate with an objective third party there to keep things on track. Maybe bring it up when he's in a better mood.
Hope you get better soon, both health-wise and relationship-wise.