I'm having a really tough day. On Wednesday, I went to the doctor and got told i had bronchitis. I called my fiance on the way home and we were talking about his work. I don't remember much of the conversation because I was exhausted and sick. I must have said something he didn't like because he hung up on me. I called him back with no answer and I called him once yesterday. I left messages saying I was sorry and to please be understanding because I was pretty out of it. He won't return my calls or even text me. I don't plan on calling him for a few days to give him some space.
I feel like I'm constantly screwing up the relationship. I don't know if I can ever make him happy. I love him but it seems like we fight more than we get along right now. Most of the fights are over something I said or something I supposedly said. Lately, he hasn't been supportive at all with my depression. I feel hurt, a little scared, and alone. The worst part of all this is not knowing what he's planning on doing...staying with me or not.
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I just don't know
11/ 6/09 6:09pm
Hey there
You have a double whammy with feeling sick and then to have your fiance not want to talk to you. Isn't it amazing how much power words can have? It must be so hard to not feel supported? What sort of support would you like from him? What helps? What does not help? It might be good to think on these things to have some clear expectations of what you want from this relationship.
Please keep writing...we are here to listen.
11/ 7/09 12:35am
Shortly after I posted this, he did call me. He said he didn't hang up on me and he didn't call because he was too busy. I find it hard to believe he couldn't find 5 minutes to call especially since i was home sick Wednesday night. It would be great to see a couples therapist but we are long distance at the moment. It is hard not having constant support from him. I just need him to be more understanding and not flip out over things. I wish he would ask for clarification if I say something negative or misdirect my emotions. He just gets mad first then asks questions later. On a good note, I am feeling much better. I am also looking forward to spending time with family then friends tomorrow. Thanks for your support. So far, I love being a part of this forum. It helps me feel like I'm not so alone with my problems.
11/ 7/09 10:35am
Hi Stewie,
Wow, he sounds exactly like my boyfriend. My boyfriend hangs up on me if he doesn't
like something I say. Then he doesn't answer just like yours. Sure hurts for us.
I go elsewhere as much as possible for emotional support- he is not cabable of giving it unfortunately. I know we deserve it from our partners though--we can get it here :)
Marishka
11/ 8/09 11:48am
My fiance and I talked things over, and he's going to work on being more patient and understanding. He also told me that I need to work on being a little more open when it comes to my feelings. Sometimes I don't tell him how I'm feeling until it's really bummed. I would call that conversation a success and I will have to see where things go from here.
11/ 8/09 2:31pm
Hi Stewie,
Well done you for opening up to your boyfriend. I've found the more open you can be the better 'cos things can be cleared up before they fester and get out of proportion.
I've been with my partner now for 19years and only had the depression really badly since 1998 although I must have had it on and off all my life. Anyway...I had a really awful bout of depression over the last two years and during this time our relationship suffered. It must be really difficult dealing with us when we are so down...and what's worse is they have to cope with our irrational thoughts and beliefs without having the benefit of hearing them first.!!!! It sounds like your boyfriend is doing the right thing for himself...protecting himself when he needs to and learning not to engage in discussion with you until he has calmed down...it's much better than fighting and it gives you time to cool off as well...then when you do talk you can both be more objective.
You seem to now be moving to the same page...keep up the good work, don't forget to listen to his views and feelings as well and try and talk about fun things with him as well as the ones on which you need support. Relationships should be fun even if they are long distance! Just be creative with your communications!
Also don't forget you are two separate individuals who need your own space as well to act independently of one another and go places and experience different things as well as the time you share collectively as a couple. That way you can look forward to the time you spend together without feeling the pressure to be together all the time.
Take care now and hope to hear how things are progressing.
Hypno
Do keep sharing and take care.
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Hi, Stewie. It certainly doesn't sound like you've had a good day. I was wondering if you'd thought about seeing a couples therapist - do you think he'd go? It's amazing how much better you can communicate with an objective third party there to keep things on track. Maybe bring it up when he's in a better mood.
Hope you get better soon, both health-wise and relationship-wise.