Barely Breathing

I knew this was going to be a bad week, but I didn't think it would continue for so long.  Last year, this week, I lost my uncle and my grandfather within two days of each other.  It doesn't feel like they're gone, let alone been gone a whole year.  I miss them so much.  I don't understand why people have to be taken from us like that, so unexpectedly.  So I guess we'll call this Trigger 1.

Trigger 2-  The death of Sean Taylor is hitting die hard Redskins families (like mine) extremely hard.  I can't even turn on the TV anymore, and I had to turn my grandmother's off the other day because she wouldn't stop crying (She's the mother of my uncle and widow of my grandfather, so this week's been hard for her too). 

Trigger 3- I don't understand people.  They say nice things to you, and then do something very hurtful.  I was in contact with this guy that I was supposed to see this weekend.  I didn't see him, and I haven't heard from him since the day before we were supposed to meet up.  That seems to happen to me a lot.  People I care about always end up letting me down when I most need their support.

I feel like the walls are closing in on me, and I don't care.  I don't want to be happy, because something always ruins it.  I don't know what I want.  Right now, I just want someone to understand how much these things are hurting me inside.  I want someone to understand that I feel like I'm losing my mind, and there's nothing I can do about it.