I've hit rock bottom

Hi I feel so alone and empty and so useless to myself and everyone around me. I have no one I can talk to that understands. I think they think I'm just lazy. And now I am getting where I can't can't leave the house. I haven't really cleaned the house in years. I just got to where I don't care. I'm just so empty and alone. I am married but he doesn't understand. I think he think I am just lazy. And pretty much tells me that. That I just have to pick myself up and go on. But when I do something it is never good enough . He is a hard worker and just can't understand me. And I realize why he feels this way. But nevr has a kind word for me. I love God and have prayed and prayed for his guidance. Can anyone help me. I am on all kinds of medication. But can't affor a physciatrist. I think of suicide constantly, so I will no longer be a burden to my friends or loved ones. I used to be a good painter. But it got where no one wanted what I painted. So that was another blow to my self esteem. I'm still a pretty good florist. But can't leave the house to get a job  to work in a florist job. I can do them at home. But no one to come and see them. Please hlep me . I need help so badly