Up until 2 years ago I was successful, highly paid, confident, respected, happy and enjoyed good friendships. A shattered ankle, reconstructed with metal that my body reacted to with severe pain, but had to stay in for 10 months changed all that. My life fell apart. Pain pills, when I got scared of them, I self-medicated with alcohol. Then I was afraid to leave the house. It ended up with a suicide attempt. I started seeing a therapist who prescribed medications and they finally took the metal out, but it has only been partially helpful. It's like a pendulum. I try, then it crashes down around me.
I lost my job at which I was a senior manager, after almost a year went to work for another institution that hired me in a similar position and within a month broke my back. Had to move in with my parents who I had been supporting, not that they couldn't support themselves, I just wanted them to be able to travel and save for later just in case. It was a year of hell. I think they were angry because I wasn't the person they had always depended on.
I am back on my own but struggling, I've lost one job because I had another episode of being unable to leave the house. The job I have now may be my last chance and I seem to be headed in the same direction. I want to keep the job, it's interesting and can assure my future. I don't understand my the med's don't work. My therapist said extended periods of pain can change brain chemistry and bring on depression. But they only seem to be partially effective. I don't know where to turn. I don't know this person. I've always been the strong one and now I can't seem to cope with somethig as simple as a job.
Published On: December 31, 2007