I want my life back

jd Community Member December 31, 2007
  • Up until 2 years ago I was successful, highly paid, confident, respected, happy and enjoyed good friendships.  A shattered ankle, reconstructed with metal that my body reacted to with severe pain, but had to stay in for 10 months changed all that.  My life fell apart.  Pain pills, when I got scared of them, I self-medicated with alcohol. Then I was afraid to leave the house.  It ended up with a suicide attempt.  I started seeing a therapist who prescribed medications and they finally took the metal out, but it has only been partially helpful.  It's like a pendulum.  I try, then it crashes down around me.

     

    I lost my job at which I was a senior manager, after almost a year went to work for another institution that hired me in a similar position and within a month broke my back.  Had to move in with my parents who I had been supporting, not that they couldn't support themselves, I just wanted them to be able to travel and save for later just in case.  It was a year of hell.  I think they were angry because I wasn't the person they had always depended on. 

     

    I am back on my own but struggling, I've lost one job because I had another episode of being unable to leave the house.  The job I have now may be my last chance and I seem to be headed in the same direction.  I want to keep the job, it's interesting and can assure my future.  I don't understand my the med's don't work.  My therapist said extended periods of pain can change brain chemistry and bring on depression.  But they only seem to be partially effective.  I don't know where to turn.  I don't know this person.  I've always been the strong one and now I can't seem to cope with somethig as simple as a job. 

5 Comments
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Sep. 09, 2009

    i had a horse wreck 3 yrs ago; and i've been off and on meds ever since deppression is a killer or will be if i don't get ahold of it. but it's been kinda like this all my life.when it's good it's really good. when it's bad i don't leave the house.

  • Asurbanipal
    Jan. 02, 2008

    Dear Jd

     

    I'm Architect in 25 years I was reading your words and I remember my life I'm the only son for my family I was so happy with them. I'd been accepted in the Master degree and I was going to get the PhD. after the Master with in 5 years but because of the war condition in my country (Iraq) I left everything and I went to Dubai at 1st...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Dear Jd

     

    I'm Architect in 25 years I was reading your words and I remember my life I'm the only son for my family I was so happy with them. I'd been accepted in the Master degree and I was going to get the PhD. after the Master with in 5 years but because of the war condition in my country (Iraq) I left everything and I went to Dubai at 1st of Jan 2007 and I couldn't work as designer and now I work as assistant architect in a management company which I can't find myself in this field. I give up to chaise my dream to be a great architect like Zaha Hadid or Gehry .I feel depressed and so disappointed I'm so hopeless I broke up with my life I start to feel so lonely and so far from the people who I loved. but I read your words I saw how brave you're and how you can manage your life after losing a job, pain all of these things couldn't stop you you manage to get the same job in another company you can restore you life because you stand again and strongly. your words inspired me and you're really a role model to your daughter.Jd I thing your in the right path.

    • jd
      jd
      Jan. 02, 2008

      Asurbanipal:  I hope you're right.  It's a struggle right now.  I'm tired of starting over and sometimes wonder if it's worth the effort. 

      One thing I would say to you, although you may not achieve the heights of success of those whom you consider your heroes, you can achieve the same success by doing the best that you can. ...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Asurbanipal:  I hope you're right.  It's a struggle right now.  I'm tired of starting over and sometimes wonder if it's worth the effort. 

      One thing I would say to you, although you may not achieve the heights of success of those whom you consider your heroes, you can achieve the same success by doing the best that you can.  That's all they did. 

       

      I do appreciate your kind words, very few people understand what it is like dealing with depression.  Not even me.  I just know it's a lonely place to be.

       

      Good luck--jd

  • Dawn
    Dec. 31, 2007

    jd,

    Your story almost sounds like mine.  I've had to quit my career because of health reasons.  As for the anti-depression meds hang in there.  It could take a while until they fine a med that works for you.  I've been on several different meds.  They only seem to work for a couple of months before I need to change the meds.

    • jd
      jd
      Jan. 01, 2008

      Dawn? 

      Guess I need to talk to my therapist about something different in the med arena.  I never in my life thought I'd be seeing a therapist, but now she's like a lifeline.  I guess that's why I came here.  My family just seems angry and that it's "ridiculous". 

       I fought really hard to walk again, even...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Dawn? 

      Guess I need to talk to my therapist about something different in the med arena.  I never in my life thought I'd be seeing a therapist, but now she's like a lifeline.  I guess that's why I came here.  My family just seems angry and that it's "ridiculous". 

       I fought really hard to walk again, even though they said I never would.  I even wear heels.  Vanity, you know.  I overcame the physical challenges, but I don't know how to fight the mental issues.  Thank you for your kind words.  I hope you're doing better than I.

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