First time here

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Thu, December 13, 2007

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I am new to this website and I am hoping to find some additional help in dealing with my illness. I have been on many of the well-known meds for depression, but I am medication free right now. I haven't recovered, I just gave up on the pills. I'm not responding to the drugs anymore. I am seeing a new therapist. I am more scared now than I've ever been because I recently moved away from home with my fiance. I thought I wanted to come to this new place... I know now that I was just running. And my illness ran just as fast behind me.

I need help. Please respond with insight and kind words. I need it. Please help... I feel so cold and alone.

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Eric

12/14/07 8:15am

The only kind words that I can come up with is to get your butt back into see a psychiatrist that can help you fight this treatable illness. There are no pills/medications that will make your life all great if its not. They will only help you get through some of the tougher times and help with depression. I have yet to see anyone that could will away true depression…sadness yes.

sadgirl

12/14/07 8:54pm

Thank you for the comments. I guess I'm just afraid to try another med. I've been on them since 2001. I've tried so many... this last medication brought on suicidal thoughts. Have you experienced this with a medication? I am seeing a new therapist and if he feels I need medication after evaluating me, then I will have to do it. The truth is, I can see myself on meds for a long time. I guess I'm trying to avoid it.

I appreciate you reading my post.

Kimberly Tyler

12/14/07 6:14pm

Dear Sadgirl,

Oddly enough, I did something a bit similar. When I moved to my current state (five states away from family) it was to get married. (I too was running-for me, I was running away from being labeled a "sick" person even though I was doing really well with therapy and medication. I wanted to "start over" where people knew me only as well.)

I then quickly went off my meds because I thought I could-I was with a man who did not understand mental illness and he thought if I really wanted to I could be depression free without meds. I let myself be convinced because I wanted his thinking to be true. (Clearly, I allowed my understanding of mental illness to be thrown out the window...)

The relationship ended (I was not well emotionally throughout and tried to hide it) and after the breakup I returned to therapy and medication treatment. I was all alone in a new state and quite frightened. But I did find treatment. I also realized (in hindsight of course) that this man did not understand mental illness. (Nor did he take the time to understand, nor did I think my illness was worthy of understanding by this man).

What I needed to see for myself was that medication worked for me to be able to participate in therapy, and utilize it as a tool to keep the illness at bay and not have it dictate my life (which it did when I was not on meds). I even tried therapy without meds and only ended up spinning my wheels because I was not moving forward into health and recovery. There are so many different medications to try (and in different doses and combinations) and I would encourage you to seek out a psychiatrist for support on this issue. There are many of us who needed to try several medications before we found the one that worked. It may take a bit of time, but it was certainly worth the effort for me to be where I am standing today.

Please let us know how you move about making decisions that will ultimately be the best decisions for you and your health (and for the health of the relationship you are in). I do not know if your finance knows about your depression or not, or if he is supportive or someone you may share your concerns with as well.

Also, please let us know how we may be of continued support.

Best,

Kimberly Tyler

sadgirl

12/14/07 8:27pm

Thank you so much for your insight. I'm sorry your relationship ended. I think my will end too... because of my illness. He knows about my depression and he's trying everything he can to help. I think one day, he will give up because he can't stand to see me this way. I know he's better off without me so I think it will be for the best.

But I may be wrong. And that is why I stay instead of ending it myself. I decided to give this new place 1 year. If after 1 year I still hate it like I do now, I'm going back home.

I won't give up on therapy though. I'm trying to do this without medication. I've been on meds since 2001 and the only thing I got from it was short term success. After about 6 months, the meds stop working. If my therapist strongly believes I need medication, then I will do it.

Here is my email address: blackbriar@live.com. I would love to continue chatting.

Thank you so much for the advice.

Dan Gasker

12/21/07 4:06pm

Your on the right track by seeing a new the

therapist. I was also looking for a miracle cure with the meds., but they are only a part of the answer. I thought was going to be instantly happy. Your still going to have your ups and downs, but not as bad.

Also learn how to recgonize when your starting to slide. try to do something easier

and tactical the more difficult stuff when your feeling better. Your fiance might say he nderstands but really he probalbly doesn't. the best way to fight this is keep the lines of communication open. talk to him, let him know your feelings, wants, and needs. It took me years to decide to go see a doctor.

sadgirl

12/31/07 10:07pm

Thank you for the comment back. It's nice to know someone is out there listening.

Ellen

12/28/07 9:47pm

All you write sounds so very familiar. What I'd like to add to the already good thoughts from others is that you should be evaluated for meds by a good psychiatrist, not your therapist. Psychiatrists are the medication specialists. (You may have seen one, but you didn't specify that, I don't think.) Meds and therapy are the combo that works best. As far as being on meds, I have been on them for 12 years and will likely be on them forever. In fact, in the last year, a medication was added to the one I already take. I wish I didn't have to do this. I would like to be free of the meds. But I had to face the fact that with my version of mental illness/depression, it will not go away. But I can learn to manage it so I take the best care of myself. I have had depression since I was a little girl, and I am now 50. Don't let this discourage you - rather let it give you hope. If I were not on meds, I would likely not be here anymore. Meds and therapy have kept me alive, and I have a lot of joy in my life too. I have friends and family who love me and understand that I have different needs than some people do, and they do not judge me for that. Such relationships are available to you too. Stop thinking your boyfriend could do better - depression doesn't make you unworthy. See if he is willing to do some couples counseling to help him better understand and support you. I wish you the best. Keep posting here so we know how it's going.

Sincerely,

Ellen

sadgirl

12/31/07 10:06pm

I have a lot of people around me that feel medication isn't the way to go. I've been given much advice about taking a spiritual approach. I don't consider myself a spiritual person. I don't know what I believe in. I don't know how I'm dealing with my depression. I'm just dealing.

Ellen

1/ 1/08 1:24am

People in general have a hard time with the idea of medication for depression. Not sure why, but it's true. And maybe medication ISN'T the answer for you. But that is something you and your doctor should decide, not your friends, parents, boyfriend, or other people around you. You have to look within and explore what YOU believe is good for you. God is a huge part of my life, but my faith alone did not take my depression away. It all depends on the individual person and what their depression is like. As Rusty said, keep trying. But please do seek help from professionals, not your social community. No matter how well meaning they may be, they don't have the information or expertise to give you the best advice and guidance. As for me, I did not take meds until I was 36 because I was afraid to. I was afraid it meant I was weak, that my friends and family would disapprove (which some of them did) or that the meds would make me feel like a different person, and all kinds of other things. But the reality was that when I took the right medication it helped me feel WELL, for perhaps the first time in my life. So don't give up, keep trying. Something - whether medication or something else, or a combination of things - will work.

Rusty

12/30/07 5:04am

Hi,

I tried a lot of different meds for my depression and nothing did anything significant. After about 18 months, my doc referred me to a new pdoc. He wanted me to take a (then) new medication. I said "what's the point, nothing has worked and I don't expect this one to work." Anyway I started taking the medication, expecting nothing from it and.........wow was I wrong. Within a couple of weeks I was feeling significantly better. After being depressed for so long it took me a little while to get over the trauma of depression ( using cognitive therapy )and eventually all the symptoms, depression, anxiety and panic all went away.

I have been taking this medication for 13 years. If I feel any slight return of symptoms(or have major stress which may cause a flare up) I up the dose a little and drop when I feel better. My doc monitors and is happy with these minor adjustments. Sure, I would like not to take meds but I decided a long time ago that I would rather live without the depression and take meds for the rest of my life if necessary. I live free from depression now and its wonderful. Keep on trying to find what works for you. I am so glad I kept trying until something worked. Good luck

Rusty

1/ 6/08 6:56pm

Sorry SG, I tried to respond a couple of times to your private email but hotmail won't let me access Outlook express to reply( without paying) Hope things are looking better for you. Just wanted you to know why I didn't reply.I can only respond in the public arena here unfortunately. Best wishes. Rusty

sadgirl

1/ 7/08 12:43pm

Hi Rusty, blackbriar@live.com. is where you can send emails directly.

First time here

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