I have been living with depression for 13 years. I was raped when I was 7 years old and didn't want to tell anyone mostly because that person told me that if I did then he would kill all of my family. Me being a child I believed him... Soon after though I really realized what had happend and what I could do, but fear got the best of me. I didn't want to tell my parents. I thought they would feel ashamed and that they would shun me. I had been working through my own depression ALONE for 7 years. When I was 14 I was arrested and I finally came out and admitted to the police that I was sexually assulted when I was smaller. They asked me if my parents knew, I told them the truth that they didn't know. They told them and I will never forget what my mom told me the second I saw her... She told me "Are you sure you're not saying this just to get out of trouble?" I told her no. For all those years I was able to hold back everything and keep from telling anyone when I felt sad, angry, when I felt anything really. Then after that day my mom and dad kept a closer eye on me. I didn't like it. It made me feel paranoid and afraid that I wouldn't be strong enough. My mom took me to the Valley, where I'm from, and had me talk to a detective that had me trying to remember everything that I had worked so hard at blocking. I was no longer the strong person that everyone knew me to be. There was nothing else that I could offer anybody. Many thoughts were going through my head and finally I brokedown. I started crying in my freshman year of high school during swimming practice. I was forced to call my parents and go home. My dad at that point had really good medical for all of us and sent me to a psyciatrist. I went, not really wanting to go, and they put me on meds. They had me numerous things like Zoloft (didn't really do too well with me), Effexor (I was up to 150mg and still wasn't helping), Trileptol <--spelled wrong I know (Didn't do anything), then finally Cymbalta. It helps me ALOT but dealing with depression in the middle of high school is really hard. I remember oh too well... But my senior year of high school I got pregnant. I knew that I wasn't going to do well. I dropped out and left for the remainder of the school year. I had a beautiful baby girl who is doing good, but the pregnancy was a nightmare. I was depressed the whole time. My doctor told me that the medicine was still very new and hadn't really been tested on pregnancy I stopped cold turkey....BIG MISTAKE. I was on Cymbalta at 60 mg, I think, and got really bad withdrawls. I stopped eating, I didn't sleep, I just laid there day in and day out. My parents worried a lot about it and I couldn't really do anything. Not to mention that the father of the child left me. Well anyway, a few years later I met my current fiance and he loves my daughter like his own and he loves me. I'm been very happy but was forced back into my depression because of stress and everything. My doctor told me that I am going to be the type of person that will need medication for the rest of my life. So here I am months later getting back on Cymbalta and fighting to keep my sanity and family. I offer this to anyone who needs it. Trust in yourself and in your family they will always be there when you need it.
