I've just got off the phone with mobile crisis - 24hr helpline - yea right, I didn't get any at all,, not with the girl I talked with.., and this has just added to my feeling of helplessness  and I'm thinking, where do I turn now? isn't there anyone out there who cares?  really???  I've been in a really dark place to where I don't want to leave the house, but then I hate it here, it's claustrophobic, I hate the traffic, the nieghbors who smoke and won't stop if I ask.. I pretty much hate my life I've made because of my bad choices..  I love and would die for my kids,, they're what keep me going.. I have no support from my immediate family, they don't understand or don't ask I should say, even though our mother had severe depression and our oldest sister has it..  My other sister just told me last week because I told her I was feeling down,, she said "it's all in your attitude, attitude is everything"!!  I got angry and it still makes me angry. I'm not sure why, maybe because it's not that easy to flip a switch and feel better, be better when you can bearly get off the couch, struggle to get through they day,, and you know  the time is coming when you have to end unemployment because the thought of actually working adds to your anxiety 10000 times.. Then how are you going to pay the bills.. --go to social services as if I don't feel inferior enough,, (this is what the girl at the crisis hotline suggested)  I have done one smart thing to help myself I do have an appointment with a counselor it's not for another week and as of right now I don't know how I'm going to get there!!  I try really hard to not think of too much at once because the anxiety gets to be tooo much..  I was searching for a car to buy, so I could get a job because why get a job if you have no way to get to the job.  Anyway, I applied for a job because I have to or I won't get anymore unemployment,,and went for an interview. I got the job but since I've realized I can't work there just thinking about it my anxiey goes through the roof.. I hate feeling this way.  I want to have fun again feel good. Relax with my 7yr.. He needs me. He knows that I'm not 100%... I want, NEED to move, I hate where I live this adds to my symptoms. My boyfriend isn't supportive, he'll listen, but doesn't know what to do.. I need info if there's a place that helps people like me with finding a place to live and a job where there's no backstabbers,, I know that's asking ALOT,!!!!  I was a member of VESID, but that was about 10 years ago..  I don't know what to do and how much more I can take - when I reach out and no one seems to care!