Needing Advice: How to Handle Intense Emotions

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Wed, August 05, 2009

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Sometimes the buffet of life brings you seconds and dessert long before you've had time to contemplate picking up your fork to deal with what was initially in front of you. That's how I feel today, there is just so much happening I don't know where to begin. Next week marks the beginning of final exams and since my laptop was stolen and notes erased I'm pretty much doing them from memory yikes! Next week is also the week an assignment worth 45% of my grade is do again yikes! But if thats not enough stress on me I'm also in the midst of packing to move to my own place which is going to be a great benefit in the long run but right now it just feels like another headache.

On top of all of that last night I was rushed to hospital by a friend during our Psychology class in intense pain, to find that I have ovarian cysts and will most likely need surgery in the days ahead as the symptoms are very noticeable and increasingly painful. So what you may be wondering is, what does this have to do with my depression? Well for me my depression symptoms and stress go hand in hand the more stressed I feel the more easily I bottom out emotionally and with no family support or encouragement I just feel very much alone in times like these.

No one seems to care when I'm hurting, they just care if I'm well enough to cover their shifts at work (they called me in today from 9am-11pm) and thats after being in the hospital till 2:30 this morning nice right?

I just feel like crying, and being angry all at the same time, I'm never really sure how to deal with my emotions cause expressing them in my family is NOT okay ever!

*sigh*

Does anyone have ways of handling intense emotions they could share with me, that would be a great help and comfort.

Izzy

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Merely Me

8/ 5/09 10:46pm

My goodness! No wonder you feel stress...the stolen laptop...you are going to have surgery...work...and school...you have a lot on your plate.

It is perfectly normal to feel intense emotions about all this!

On your list of things...what is the biggest priority? I imagine it is your health but you tell us. What are you most worried about?

I like to divide up such a list into...things I have control over...and things I don't. And also...things I need to tend to right now and things that can wait.

Speaking of cysts...I am going to be writing on that topic soon over on the Sexual Health site. Any time you want to visit come on over. Just follow this link.

Anyways...take a deep breath...and let go of things you cannot control and try to prioritize the things you do have control over.

And know that you can always come here for support. I hope things get better for you. I always like to think that after so much bad luck you are certainly due for something good to happen.

Hang in there and let us know what happens.

LyraStorm

8/ 6/09 11:48pm

Hi Izzy,

I'm so sorry you're having to go through so much stuff, it's completely understandable that you'd be very stressed (and thus have a dip in your depression).

Can I start by letting you know that ovarian cysts are unfortunately very common but the good part is that means they have lots of ways to deal with them that are pretty uninvasive to you, the suffer. I had a huge one when I was seventeen and ended up losing my left ovary and felopian tube but please don't let me freak you out - that is in the minority. A friend of mine simply had to take medication to make it go away when she was having pain due to her cyst. In your case, unless it is very large, you will probably either undergo keyhole surgery where they go through your bellybutton and you will be out the next day or they might go up through your viginal track (sounds less than appealing I know but it means there are no cuts and is pretty uninvasive). What way are they going? I don't mean to pry I just mean to let you know that it's not something to stress yourself out over (though it is undoubtedly scary), it WILL be okay, and as soon as the cysts are dealt with you at least won't have to deal with any more pain... did I mention I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this? Especially since there is so much else going on in your life right now.

I believe that making some lists of your priorities might help. Without a list you might feel you need to keep everything locked up in your mind to control it all, but if you write a list then you can work on one thing at a time and put the others away without worrying you'll forget anything, if that makes sense.

Can you borrow some notes from your classmates to help with your studies? Or perhaps tell your teacher what happened with your laptop being stolen and see if he or she can help you out. It really doesn't seem fair that you should have to deal with it all alone - trying to study only from your memory is far too taxing and stressful. You need to stop being so hard on yourself and ask for help - just cause your family doesn't seem very tolerant of such an avenue doesn't mean that others won't help you... oh god I just realised this is sounding like a lecture. I'm so sorry. That wasn't my goal at all.

Ways to deal with the emotions can include writing that list to help sort through your thoughts, venting to friends and here, and finding ways to relax. I like watching DVDs and going for walks, for example. What do you enjoy doing? Life is all about balance, I've been told, so you need to find some time to do things you like doing amongst all your responsibilities.

Please continue to vent here and I hope your move goes smoothly, that the operation happens soon so it can get out of your way, and that you get some help with your studies.

LyraStorm

8/ 6/09 11:54pm

I forgot to mention: a breathing exercise can help in the moment of stressful things. Breathe in to a slow count of three, then out from four to six, and repeat. Whilst you're doing this focus only on the count and your breathing, if you find your mind wandering try to visualise the breath going in and out, feel your diaphram - it sounds a bit dud, I know, a bit silly, but if you through away those judgements and just do it it really can help. It's better if you're sitting down when you're doing this because you can get a little light headed (and it's more relaxing) and I often like to have some water afterwards to help with the light headedness and sense of well-being.

Hypno

11/24/09 12:20pm

Hi...sounds like an extremely stressful time!

Emotions become stronger the more you ignore them so pay them some attention when you are relaxing and breathing and be open to the answers or solutions or points of learning that you receive as a result and then act on them.

Lists can help but this does tend to be a brain dump and a logical approach so you maynot uncover the real deepseated emotions unless you do the meditative approach described by the subscriber above.

Try and get to the bottom of things and what you can do something about (things you can control) and for those over which you have no control if you have an unhelpful belief then change it!!! e.g. exam stress may be caused by failure worry and if you did get some notes off your tutor or friends or stopped putting pressure on yourself to get an A Grade and settle in your mind that a C Grade is fine for now...etc.

Say to yourself I will spend 5mins worrying about such and such now and then I'll accept myself with my concerns and let myself be released from the pressure of these concerns ...be specific... the worries may change to another linked concern so do the same withthat one until you feel more relaxed.

Share your problems with others - offload them! A problem shared is a problem halved.

Prioritise your tasks for the month, week, day, morning and afternoon. Stay with one task until it is completed before moving on to the next...keep focussed.

Spend some time each day to do something you enjoy doing which is relaxing...and take the pressure off yourself.

Don't agree to do anything you don't want to do or is bad for you. Killing yourself by doing too much at work is not going to help you. Learn to say 'No' to helping others out if its not healthy for you...offer a compromise ...say I'll do half the shift if you find someone else to do the other half, or I'll do one half if you do the other half.

Good luck... let us know how you get on.

Hypno

Needing Advice: How to Handle Intense Emotions

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