I can't keep it all in!

I can't even compare today to yesterday or the days prior for they are like night and day. I feel like I'm stretching my wings and surveying the world for the first time, seeing so much beauty and life where there had only been darkness and despair. I find myself doing things that I haven't had any desire to do in so long painting, drawing, writing and just getting outside. I know these things don't sound like great strides, but considering only a few days ago I was thinking the worst and wishing the worst for myself this seems almost too incredible to be in existence.

I'm waking up from the nightmares my depression contributes to and dusting myself off becoming aware of what gives me hope and what hinders my success. I'm starting to recall what brings me down, and how I use to overcome these feelings I'd forgotten there use to be a safety net for when I'd fall, that's how far I had fallen below my "normal" frame of mind.

I start at a new school in 19 days and you know what I'm starting to really feel excited, I'd forgotten what that emotion or feeling could be like. It's not the excitability that couples with my anxiety, but a level of euphoria that seems to place a light and a goal on my horizon that I can't wait to attain. To make things even better I'm moving to my own apartment, have finally secured the funds to get out on my own again, so that I can focus on my life, my needs and my dreams without having to hold all of my families stress on top of my own.

I just can't contain this feeling so sudden and new...I've spent so many months even years as only half of who I could be. I stand here now feeling whole and ready to take the next step to solidify this quest of self discovery, while all at once refusing to dwell on the pain that was with me and threatening to take my life on a physical, spiritual, emotional sense.

I may shake or only last a moment in the sky, but today I am no longer grounded and soon I will soar, rise about it all, I believe that I will fly!

Izzy