Dealing with "the tough stuff"

Sometimes it feels like everyone around you is looking to make your already difficult day that much harder. You know how it is you're sitting on an already swaying tower of blocks, each block containing some type of commitment, or task and here comes another block, a larger one that you weren't expecting and suddenly you're no longer sitting on top of your tower. Now you're under the rubble of what was your tower, wishing that whoever felt you needed that extra block had been more considerate because now you're stuck rebuilding and they're no where to be found. 

Yeap I've had a lot of those days lately, each time that tower falls I'm debating just staying under that rubble and not rebuilding that tower because I know the second I perch myself back on that top block something or someone will come along and down I'll fall again.

Yesterday was definitely one of those days see I'm the oldest in my family and my sister (the next oldest) decided it was a great time to e-mail and let my mom and I know that she hates us, wants nothing to do with us, and that we're the worst people she's ever seen. Add in she told my mom she shouldn't have had kids and you can see the severe emotional clouds this caused and the subsequent weight that smashed my most recent tower to bits, poor thing it didn't have a chance! I was shifting through the rubble, and trying to console my mom when I swore I heard something beep, oddly it was a chat that I use often and there was my friend DJ.

DJ had noticed that lately I wasn't myself, and that I seemed pretty upset, when I told him about everything that had gone on he did something that always amazes me, he said he loved me. Having a friend tell you they love you when the very word "love" has been a rarity in life really makes a big difference but his kindness didn't stop there. DJ and I share common faith, and so he helped me find what I would call "spiritual food" and that means finding beauty and comfort in even the smallest thing such as the sound of a bird singing, or the scent of fresh rain things that I had been neglecting lately. More than that he helped me feel supported and cared about, and before I knew it for the first time in well over a week I was able to fall asleep.

Last night was the first time in a very long time I didn't have nightmares or wake up feeling panicked about the world, and after ten solid hours of sleep I woke feeling beautiful inside and out. Everything looks different today and feels different because one person noticed that I needed help to lift myself out of the rubble, and to start rebuilding from the ground up.

We all need someone like that, someone that says unconditionally that they love us, care for us and want us to feel whole again. The type of person that when we're trapped in the darkness of depression they appear to offer us a light and to show us the way out. I know I'm blessed to have DJ in my life as well as several other friends who on many occasions have stopped me from doing things that I know I would have regretted. Life is beautiful and should be treasured, and friends are the most precious jewel that we have.