Why have depression and suicidal thoughts?

I will just say to start out with that I have been living with depression since 1998 - although I must say that I have had bouts of depression all throughout my life. I've been told I am resistant to therapeutic treatment. As I don't like taking medication I don't tend to take any antidepressants. When the symptoms get so bad that suicidal thoughts are overwhelming I usually call my hypnotherapist  she talks with me "in the moment" "in the here and now" she allows me to talk things through. What has triggered it (if I know) where am I now, what am I doing, what is the significance of any objects,living creatures, plants around me, what is the significance of where I am sitting, what I am looking at. She tells me to look at all the life around me and says I can be a part of that again. My thoughts and feelings are only temporary. They may not be real, just imagined. She reminds me .... the feelings of suicide may not really be a wish to end my life.... only a wish for the negative devaluing feelings to stop ! She has the patience to help me get to the bottom of past events that have programmed my brain to respond in this way and through hypnosis literally change the programmed response by using guided imagery to heal the past. For example changing my perspective from being within myself and feeling intense fear or pain or anger and imagining myself outside of my body looking at myself - this lowers the intensity of the feeling and enables you to be more objective. As all these programmed responses happen before the age of 7yrs by going over the event as an adult we can now imagine intervening as if another person was present at the time and taking care of ourself as a child - either by protecting the child, or hugging the child and saying whatever needs to be said or done at that time to heal the past. What did I need to do differently at the time. From this you then move back in time to a time before the event and when you were feeling good, and then you fast forward right through the event (again looking at yourself within the situation - and not within yourself) to when you felt good after the event. You go through rewinding "the video" and fast forwarding it several times. You will find that you can begin to release yourself from self-limiting beliefs and you will feel calmer, less anxious, less fearful, less hurt, less guilty, less ashamed, less humiliated, less devalued. Word of warning though - sometimes your resistance to therapy means it takes a while for you to relax enough to get the benefits and you may temporarily feel worse - if this happens take some St John's Wort and stay out of direct sun (it makes your skin light sensitive) or take your anti-depressants as prescribed and get a supporter (like my hypnotherapist! who will just talk you through for 20 mins). So ...the question ... why have the depression? .... it is to shut down the feelings that are screaming to be dealt with as the more they are not dealt with the worse they become. By using the guided imagery and timeline therapy as described above you deal with the feelings one by one and you gradually become released and more able to sleep and gain more energy and by listening to what you really want to do rather than what you think you ought to do you become more motivated to achieve what will make you feel more positive and less depressed!!!!