I'd like to know if I can get some suggestions on how I can help a coworker. She is going through many difficult times right now including being in the midst of buying a new house without having sold the old one, trying to get pregnant for a while and we work in a very stressful environment. My work relationship with her is that I am her team leader, but not her manager. I worked with her prior to this when she was in a different area of our company. We would interact and always had a great relationship.
When my coworker joined our group about two years ago, she also started working remotely from home. I mention this because I think she finds it difficult not to have other coworkers around. I think she needs that socialization and personal interactions that you can't really mimic virtually although she does love working from home because there is no commute time. Prior to this, she was commuting almost an hour each way to and from work.
As I mentioned, we work in a very stressful environment and she has a lot of personal stresses going on as well. I am having difficulty with how I can try to help her (and not necessarily from a business perspective although I do have to be very careful with what I say). While talking to her on Friday, I mentioned to her how half the team was going to try a new procedure to help our clients while the other half of the team would proceed as normal during this trial period of about one week. She would need to proceed as normal, but could get some overflow issues from the trial team. At this point, she told me that she needed to call her doctor to get more Xanax.
I honestly didn't think I was pushing her hard and my intention was to inform her of what was going on with the team this coming week. I don't know how I should react to this comment or how I can help her. I honestly don't know what to say to her and don't want to say the wrong thing. Do you have any suggestions on how I should handle this? What I could say to her?
I gave you this background so that you would know where I am coming from and the position we are both in. I understand a little bit about depression and anxiety as I have some family members who have been diagnosed and even hospitalized for it, but I admit I have to do additional research on it. I also take a benzodiazepine for a different condition so I know some of the properties of Xanax and become very concerned about her personally when she makes these types of comments. I've also heard other team members say things about other comments she has made about Xanax.
Any guidance you can give me is greatly appreciated.
Dear D2S3,
It appears your co-worker does not have an issue mentioning that she is on Xanax, and she has shared this information with you without any prompting or "pushing" for information on your end into her personal life.
It also appears that taking Xanax for whatever her condition is (as Xanax is mainly prescribed for anxiety) is supporting her to be able to work a full week (and my assumption is she is performing well).
She may deal with anxiety only, or there may be other medications she takes and has not shared this. Or, it may simply be a comment by her to share that she is feeling anxiety about the change-up in workload or life-stress or something to that effect.
As a co-worker and her team leader, unless she starts to slip in her work, a question about her mental health diagnosis may be crossing the line. Unless of course if she brings up the Xanax comment again, you could ask her if she feels the change-up is creating more anxiety that she feels comfortable with. Her comments about Xanax may be her way of finding someone who is open to listening to her concerns. (As all medical health issues are run through human resources, they are the only one privy to full information [unless the co-worker chooses to open up more.])
You could always let her know that you are open to any concerns she may have. Should she desire to reach out further than she has previously (by mentioning the Xanax) perhaps knowing that you have let her know you are open may be an opportunity to have her open up more if she feels it is needed.
This is just a thought, and I wanted to let you know the opinion of someone who is currently working and on various medications for mental illness to have me continue to function in my current capacity.
I think you are kind and thoughtful to ask this question, and to care about your co-workers well-being. Your support by simply being present for her may be the best thing until she chooses to share more.
I hope my response may be useful. Please let us know if we may be more helpful.
Best,
Kimberly Tyler
Hi Kimberly,
Thank you for your support and ideas. I do believe that she has been diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. I don't know all of the medications she takes, but it does make sense that when she becomes anxious, she talks about Xanax and sometimes even reaches for one (she makes these comments to others on the team).
I do believe you are right that she is looking for someone to listen to her. I stopped at the bookstore this afternoon to see if I could help develop some of my listening skills. It's something I've been wanting to do anyway. Your response has been very helpful. Thanks again for giving me some direction. I really appreciate it.