Alcohol sets up the same reaction in the body as the consumption of sugar .
You are what you eat also means you are what you drink.
Understanding the biochemical relationship of a human body to alcohol goes beyond happy hour or happy nights..
The next day as alcohol leaves the body and that numb kind of fogginess sets in - is alcohol' s way of saying "Hey I was here after killing a few of your brain cells on my way out ."
Socially acceptable to drink , a social lubricant ..
Really ? how about just plain lost bored confused afraid and alone and in pain - isnt that what alcohol is being used for - to forget ..
Everyone struggles but walk into a bar at the end of a day and you will see people who are fighting to keep their struggles from themselves- having a drink is a way to numb yourself plain and simple -
but the struggle is still there
Maybe the better question is what is so bad that you cant change the way you think or feel about yourself or your life without having to PARTY!! - and so you numb yourself ? and if you cant all by yourself - surely with 8 billion of us on the planet -we can help ..
It fascinates me that no one gets how so many human beings are deeply and usually secretive about their inner struggles with finding self worth and that its been that way for years- why are we not helping each other more..
every life is worth our efforts
every single life is a gift.
alcohol is a depressant, and it would only make my problems worse.
what do you do if you are going broke and there is no one to help you? that is happening to me and my husband. we are 64 and 65 respectively, and neither of us can work due to disabilities. every day i am depressed. i had therapy years ago and am on medications, which includes an anti-depressant. i just don't see things getting better, and i am worried that i will be left alone with no one to care about me, and no money to afford a decent place for elderly people. i do not have suicidal ideation, but i do think of death a lot. i think of it as a from of release from how i feel on a daily basis. i cannot afford a therapist at this point in my life.
God bless you, bfil. I know what it is to be old and sick. Money is an important element of life, but it does not make the world go around, nor does good health, but love, I have found, does most of the pushing and shoving. (I was molested at the age of 11, marking the beginning of my depressions, and married for 31 years to an abusive husband.) In fact, I have discovered in my 82 years of living that relationships are the most important things in life. No one on his/her deathbed has ever said, "I wish I had spent more time [fill in the blank] making money, climbing mountains, creating art, making money, writing the world's greatest literature, making money, etc., etc., etc." More often the regret involves one's lack of solid relationships with children, parents, spouses, relatives, and/or friends. While I am not in imminent danger of dying today, I regret the times I have failed to be kind to a stranger or spend time with a friend who just needed a few minutes of my time to listen to a problem. I regret the times I could have hugged my child when he most needed my affection and reassurance that he is loved beyond measure.
I am sorry that both you and your husband are disabled and cannot earn income. My greatest wish for you is that your marriage has been and is a good one (no abuse), that you were blessed with children who love and respect you, that your friends are loving and concerned for your welfare, that you have a church, a synagogue, a mosque, or other place of spiritual support. Thinking that you will be alone with no one to care for you, I think, is a good point to start planning for the future. Research the possibilities for help. Planning ahead may even be an excellent source of distraction from your depression, but anticipating and worrying over misery to come is a severe waste of emotional power that you need to survive NOW.
Something a depressed person does not need is platitudes and smiley-faced advice. When I am not too sick to get angry, I just want to punch somebody in the nose for sticky, stupid advice about depression which is nothing like feeling low. I hope to be practical - so much of this stuff is - in suggesting a plan. By all means, research all the possibilities for getting help - private and public. Above all, cultivate relationships. That means giving of yourself to others - even when it feels like you have nothing to give and everybody else is taking the little bit of yourself you have left. Love yourself so that you can love others. You are infinitely worthy to live and prosper.
About your son who is a drug addict. I'm so sorry to hear that. How old is he? Does he live at home? Do you still support him with money?
If yes to any of the above, you are enabling him to remain a child/teen that is cared for and doesn't
need to work or do anything useful in life. If he lives with you, give him a two week warning, then get all the locks changed and DO NOT give in, don't let him in unless he's enrolled in school, a vocational school or has a job. And a place to live. Or has checked himself into a drug rehab facility. If he gets violent, threatens to kill you or himself if you stick to this, call 911. In our state he'd be taken to a local ER (whether he wanted to go or not) and "Baker Acted" which means put into a psych hospital or facility for 72 hrs. They would, before he left, give him names of places he can get ongoing help for his problem.
If he is agressive and threatening when you tell him the above, get a restraining order from the police. I KNOW that is a big step but someone has to wake this guy up! If you are still "mommy" that loves him no matter what, well, thats good but not when he is playing you to keep things (for him) really great! Or, call 911 if he is threatening suicide or to harm you or anyone else....that is actually illegal, by the way, and the police would help you.
DO NOT be ashamed in front of the neighbors or relatives at his having to go into rehab or be kicked out of your home (assuming he lives there.)
Also, lastly, YOU may need to see someone to talk to, a therapist, and may need antidepressants to help get thru this. There are a lot of drug addicted and alcohol addicted people out there. Your son isn't the only one and you do not need to take responsibility for it; he does.
If you are on Medicare, find a therapist that takes Medicare. They very often have a sliding fee, which will make the therapy affordable for you. Please get help! This economy is bad for a lot of people. Find out where you can get food -- food shelf, commodity program, Food Share program, etc. If there's a Senior Advocate in your area, he/she will know about this help. Or call Social Services and ask them. You don't have to give them your name, if you don't want to. Everyone, it seems, needs help these days. There's no shame in it. If you are on Social Security Disability, check with your State Disabiity office for resources for rental assistance and food support. Perhaps you would qualify for food stamps.
I'm your age and have had to reach out for help. At first it's hard, but it makes life easier. Then you get to the point of being so grateful that there's help that you wonder why you didn't look for help earlier!
Good luck in your search for help.
This is all reasonable advice...unfortunately, when a person is depressed to the point of suicidal thoughts, logic and reason are pretty much gone. All the love, all the understanding, all the medication, all the professional care came to nothing with my husband. He very carefully planned and carried out his own "exit" as he called it, causing unimaginable grief to all who loved him. He became terrified (and I really mean that) at the idea of being at the mercy of caregivers, so he ended it his way. My only consolation is remembering the calm, happy look on his face when he kissed me good night that night. I thought, "wow, he's doing better". But, he knew what he was about to do...and apparently felt relieved. I hate suicide. We truly did everything possible to avoid this happening, but it did.
If a person has an illness or condition that is going to make them dependent and at the mercy of caregivers, I can fully understand planning the "exit." I hope I will have the ability and wherewithall to do the same if that time comes to me. I understand your grief and not wanting to lose your loved one, but you don't say if he was in a situation that made him vulnerable to being at the mercy of caregivers. If he had a terminal illness or a degenerative condition and knew that was on the horizon, I can't blame him. Why would you want someone you love to suffer just to be alive. Quality of life is of the utmost importance. Without quality of life, there is no purpose to living. Just my opinion.
First, I'd like to say the other poster should have thought before writing such a comment. I'm so sorry for your loss. Suicide is a selfish act. My cousin committed suicide in February and my Aunt is an emotional wreck. One day he was there, the next day she "found him." Again, I'm so sorry. I hate suicide, too. HUGS.
I would like to say to the OP that, in their own ways, both ms. elphie and erica represent totally valid points of view. Neither is "right," and neither is "wrong."
I can sympathize deeply with you, because a dear friend of mine committed suicide some years ago and I know all too well the anger and feelings of betrayal at his "selfishness," and I also can sympathize with ms. elphie, who says that living with debilitating pain or illness isn't living. I have several chronic illnesses that are causing me severe pain every day; I can no longer keep up with my demanding job; we fell into debt when the economy collapsed (long story, but it had to do with my medical bills and the environmental problems in the house that caused my conditions), so I fear losing my job from my increasing incompetence; my chronic illnesses and pain keep me from being able to travel or to see family or friends, so my life is becoming more and more isolated, and so on, and so on. I'm not suicidal, but I also don't judge anybody who is or who does not want to live with this kind of pain.
I understand your grief and your anger. I believe that, for myself at this time, suicide is not the answer. I can't judge that for anybody else, though. But I do care about all those who are facing the kinds of pain and struggle--and worse--that I'm facing.
I would like to close by saying that it seems that a lot of people believe that antidepressants put you in "la-la land," as one of the commenters says, but it isn't true of all antidepressants, and it particularly isn't true if you chemically NEED the medication.
If you try an antidepressant and it wacks you out, then demand that your doctor try you on a different one, and then a different one, until you find the one that chemically is suited to YOUR unique brain chemistry. That is what I did. I was in the deepest, darkest depression because my descent into incurable illnesses was accompanied by an onset of relentless panic disorder. After a while I was so depleted of every chemical and vitamin and vital compound that it was a wonder my body could function at all. Yet I refused an antidepressant, out of pride. I lived with near-constant panic for over six months before I finally begged for medication, yet the first two I tried made me even sicker. I almost gave up, were it not for the wisdom of an excellent book I found called "When Words Are Not Enough" that discussed this very premise-- that every brain is unique and therefore each patient who is in need of an antidepressant needs to be carefully matched up with the right medication, and possibly even much more gradually put on the medication than the usual dosage (this premise was true for me, too--the usual dosages flooded my brain with TOO much serotonin, because I had been depleted for so very long, that it made me instantly, insanely ill and never "evened out" as the doctor expected that it would).
On the meds, now, years later I am able so much more to deal with my drastic challenges. I am not numb or emotionless, nor am I "wacked out." I DO still feel emotions; I DO still cry when I'm sad; I DO still care about others, deeply. I'm still me. . . but better. And it's the only part of my overall treatment that is absolutely non-negotiable, as far as I'm concerned. This particular anti-depressant saved my life. So, I am not interested in trying life again without it.
I offer my love and warm support to ALL of you who are going through whatEVER you are going through. There is no right or wrong way to go through whatever it is-- there is only the struggle to keep going, as somebody says here, which is the true heroism in our world; there is only our human spirit struggling to prove that this flesh, however broken, doesn't have to rule us; there is only our togetherness trying to prove that WE, together, can make it through anything; there is only our loving human hearts that can love a child, a dog, a cat, a fish, a bird, a blogger on the internet enough to continue going through whatever we are going through-- for their loving sakes--we can keep going, because they love us, because they need our warmth beside them, because they need the insights we are gathering as we keep walking.
If some one of you needs to give up, I understand. But I hope you can keep walking beside me, because I can't stand or walk by myself. Maybe you can't stand or walk by yourself. But together, we can hobble, and those who have given up to go on before us maybe can clear the way before us and show us some insights-- they, too, play a part in our raggedy togetherness, I think. Whether one is on this side or on the other side makes no difference to me--those who have gone on ahead, whether by choice or by force, probably care a great deal about those of us they've left behind, struggling in the muck of these torments. And if that person who chose to go on before me is willing to extend a helping hand to me, even as I extend mine to others, what does it matter if he is on the other side?
None of us can do it alone. That is the only truth.
Suicide is NOT a selfish act in my opinion. I truely believe people use that excuse to make themselves or others, that are still alive, to feel better about feeling helpless in a very sad situation. By saying that suicide is selfish, in fact, makes the person saying it quite selfish. To say suicide is selfish is to say depression is selfish, when infact you have no control whether or not you are affected by this horrible disiease. Yes, you do have control to seek help, however, severly depressed people are not thinking right and sometimes don't have that control.
It may seem selfish, may look like they commit suicide for selfish reasons, but what may look selfish probably isn't. When a person is severly depressed, you may look at that person and see a lot of things that you think is contributing to their depression (and it probably is) however, it is more likely those things are a byproduct of the depression itself.
I'm not saying suicide is never a selfish act but most of the time I don't think it is. I can say from experience that when a person reaches that point, your thinking is so skewed that you can't think rationally. I have suffered from mild to moderate depression for a long time and the Dr. I had just started seeing put me on medication for a couple of different reason, one being heart meds and the other, an antidepressant. Something didn't work in fact, caused severe depression and it was if the thoughts I had were not even my own. I felt totally out of control and was so confused that all I knew was this was not who I was but didn't know what to do about it. I was actually scared to be alone because I really thought I might kill myself, even tho I didn't want to. I just remember that it seemed like I had no control over my emotions and thoughts and was really afraid that would spill over to my actions. The worst part was when I went off the meds that were not working and were actually causing just the opposite desired reaction.
I'm not saying everyone's depression is the same or caused from the same thing but I have a feeling that the way a person thinks and feels during a severe bout of depression is probably similar, no matter what the cause.
To say that it is selfish, is to say that a person is more caring of his own happiness or situation that anyone else. It is so far from that in that. If a person is so depressed or their thinking is so screwed up, how can you say that is selfish?
To say that suicide is a selfish act is, IMO, an excuse for your feelings about the situation. It removes you from any feelings of responsibilty (which you are not responsible anyway). It is a very sad situation that leaves the survivors devestated but it is not selfish. To be selfish, one would have to have control over their thoughts and emotions. When the scale tips so far, it is not about being selfish, it is about desperation. Sometimes it si just the "demon" on your shoulder, caoxing you toward what might seem like relief from extreme pain and suffering. Sometimes it is just screwed up thinking that nobody can understand unless they have experienced, but it is not about being selfish. After all, you are ending your life, removing yourself permanently from everything. How is that selfish?
Things are not always what they seem. We, as humans, tend to take what we know and categorize actions based on that information and from that standpoint, suicide does look selfish. It is, however, much more than that. There is a whole other demention to consider. It's just not that simple. Suicide, on the outside, may appear to be a selfish act, but ask yourself where this concept comes from. To say it is selfish, is in fact a selfish statement in itself. If we romove ourself from the situation and realize that most of the time that person is not thinking about themself per sey, but perhaps relief from pain they can no longer endure or just plain and simply they are not thinking rationally at all then it can not be called selfish. To claim it is selfish, in a way puts the blame on that person, which relieves the survivor of any "blame" or responsibility (which they are not to blame or responsible anyway). Maybe to say that it is selfish is just a way of coping, just as suicide is, in a way a form of coping...or not.
Great contribution! I always hate it when people say that suicide is selfish. It just tells me that they themselves are seriously lacking in understanding and empathy - and are putting up major barriers to "feeling" the sadness that would be appropriate. Plus, if they are saying that to someone who loves the person who attempted or committed suicide, they are calling that loved one selfish. Since when is it okay to insult the depressed (or even the deceased)?
It is also very discouraging when people dismiss a suicide attempt as "they were just trying to "get attention". Well, duh!!! Wouldn't it be an indication of a serious need for help that some would go so far as to attempt or commit suicide in order to get attention? I usually say (in response) "Well, it sounds like they are seriously in need of some attention!"
If people would just put the phrase "has cancer" in place of the word "committed suicide" and repeat the sentence they would see how nonsensical it is. Oh, your loved one has cancer? I think cancer is so selfish... I am sure they were just trying to get attention!"
Dear Anonymous,
Liked what you had to say. Stay positive. I'm overwhelmed in sadness of your cronic pain. Sorry. Anybody that lives in physical pain. I'm empathetic to your daily hurt. I think that emotional pain can be debilitating pain also.
Not to sound preechy just to share. Prayer is so powerful.
We've just got to remember one thing.
It's not in my timing it's in God's timing. Let go and let God.
I try like crazy hard to practice what I preech. I'm still not perfect. lol
Jesus loves u.
Re: suicide when a person has a terminal or severely painful disease and "has to be at the mercy of caretakers".....
Nowdays there are hospices all over the country. Their doctors and RNs can come to your house and manage your illness (along with help from family) or you can check into a hospice facility, sometimes a building on its own, sometimes part of a hospital.
The whole point of hospice is to keep you out of pain in your final months or years. They will not force you to have surgery, IV's, catheters or any of that....they will keep you as alert and comfortable or "out of it" and comfortable as it is possible to do. And with todays' meds, that is very much "doable". If you want to check out, you can do that. Insurance covers it, though normally people have to have around 6 mos to live; if you are alive longer they're obviously NOT going to kick you out!
I'll tell you about a close relative with throat cancer (smoking 3-4 packs a day of cigarettes will do that to you!). She'd seen her husband go through all the horribleness of traditional cancer therapy: surgery, chemo, radiation, and never, never enough pain meds even when it had gone into his bones which caused very severe constant pain. Of course part of that was his belief he would become addicted to the pain drugs....when you're terminally ill that doesn't really matter, but I don't think anyone had told him straight out that he WAS terminal. This was about 25 yrs ago, hopefully most doctors now would tell him, no m
atter what the wife and other relatives wanted. (It is HIS life after all).
So, when she was diagnosed with cancer she bypassed surgery, chemo, radiation, and had hospice take care of her. She stayed with an adult child, and the hospice people came at any time, day or night if help was needed. They had a bit of trouble getting her pain under control at first, but quite soon found the right drug combination. She felt and looked and acted fine! She lived about 3-4 months but they were a good quality of life, pain free, and with family coming to visit....she died in her own bed with her adult children with her. Compare that to her late husband who was rushed off by ambulance when he got really bad, and probably had IVs, possiby CPR and other "heroic measures" to keep him alive longer.
One thing that is important whether you have a chronic illness or not, is to have a "living will" STATING what you want done if you're,for example, hit by a car and end up in the ICU with a ventilator making it impossible for you to speak. Also, that way relatives don't fight over what you want or would have wanted; and the doctors aren't put in the position of risking lawsuits if they do what one adult child wants, vs the others. Go to the www.aarp.org site where there is a lot of info on hospice and living wills.
My point is; no need to kill yourself (not as easy as tv makes it look) when you can have a living will and give copies to all your close relatives, or to just your spouse or just the one adult child who is listed as your medical power of attorney.....that is hugely important to. The medical power of attorney is one person who speaks FOR you if you cannot. A lawyer can draw up these papers, I'd be sure its done correctly. We all have medical power of attorneys listed, living wills, updated regular wills, and a financial power of attorney appointed (same as medical but can take over your bills and debts etc and pay them if you are in the hospital in the "hit by a car" example. Of course, it would go back to you when you're well.
So, please don't think you have no other choice. Talk OPENLY to your dr about your concerns with your health and how bad it really is, and what he thinks about your lifespan and so on. He/she may not realize you're assuming this or that.....
To DLB55 and others talking about suicide----
I've had one very close (male) friend kill himself leaving behind wife, two preteen kids.....
He had trouble at work, he was on the "outside" of the group in charge and was therefore in a situation of no matter how hard he worked (and he did) he was under the microscope for something, anything "they" could find to get rid of him or punish/belittle him....Finally there was an error which in another person in the same position would have been handled, probably, by a "counseling" session....with him they took it to the max and had him sent to another department and all of it done in a very demeaning, cruel way.
I can't excuse him for letting that overcome his intelligence and leading him to what he did. Not with kids who still really needed him, his wife, aged parents.....but clearly he was devastated but managed to hide it quite well.
The final weekend before the Monday he was to report to the new department, he spent a lot of time with his wife going over financial paperwork, cleaning the gutters on the roof, talking to her about things he normally did, but, she did not pick up on it.....they say many a person who has "made the decision" tries to get their life "in order" which was clearly what he was doing. He did NOT have a final talk or "I love you" with the kids, which is the most unforgiveable thing.
He also seemed happier which, again, can happen when the "decision is made" and the stress/ pressure seems to be off the person....in his mind anyway.
Monday early he went to a secluded area, I assume so it would not be his wife or kids who found him, and did it.
By killing himself, he decreased his wife's pension by some huge amount---I don't know if he knew that. I also don't know if he had seen a therapist or was on antidepresssants. He was such a strong man, or so it seemed, I'd be surprised if he had done either one....too "embarrassing"...... but it may have saved his life.
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I knew another man who killed himself, but won't go into all of that story. I doubt he asked for any type of help from anyone or a therpist either.....so many men
won't.
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The first person mentioned above could have resigned and found another job in his profession easily....or even retired, since they'd always been frugal. No one was asked to help him, no one helped him see other possibilities besides suicide.
Of his kids, at least one became suicidally depressed a few years later....then I lost touch....I can't imagine what the kids thought, no farewell letter or talk. No final "I love you"....maybe if he'd realized what his actions would do to the kids he would not have done it, and maybe thats why he didn't talk to them the last day.
Usually, I think, there is a way out of suicide, other choices, even if everything bad seems overwhelming at the time. I don't feel people should say "its their choice", well, of course it is, but perhaps with time and help things would look differently. Without that time and help there is no way to know....
I don't believe suicide is always a selfish act. I agree with things Marie said about some situations where you can live a relatively pain free life and have your wits about you and perhaps some months of quality of life. But there are circumstances where it just isn't worth it and sorry if anyone things it is selfish. I do know about living wills and medical powers of attorney; I have both. I have told my husband that in no way am I to live on a ventilator or in a vegetative state. Actually, just the idea of having cancer and the pain doesn't worry me too much. What worries me is not having my faculties. If I knew I had Alzheimers or was going into dementia, which only progresses, there is no way I want to live in the world not even knowing who I am or that I am here. That is absolutely the worst sitaution one can be in, in my humble opinion. My mother had dementia and lived several horrible years where she wasn't living at all but was just a breathing shell of the person she had been. At first she knew what was happening to her and she asked me to get something for her to take to end it. If I could have done so without risking horrible consequences, I would have helped her becuase it is what I would want to do. I have researched into states that allow assisted suicide and hope to have the wherewithall to do it at the first signs of losing my mind. I know this is a highly sensitive and controversial topic but knowing my mom as I did my entire life and seeing what she becamse just reinforced my conviction that quality of life is essential or there is no point. Why would anyone want to see a loved one linger in such a condition? To me what is selfish is wanting someone to remain alive or insisting they do when they are not living at all.
The best!
Ms. Elphie
Hello Anonymous:
What a wonderful post. And while I am sorry for your illness and struggles, I am happy to know you have found something that helps you. I too have taken antidepressants for a number of years and like you, I have no interest in going off this medication, I only wish I had discovered it sooner. I probably would have saved a couple of friendships/relationships. But we live and learn. About the only thing that would make me want to exit this world is feeling there is no hope. Having dementia or some other debilitative, degenerative illness from which there is no recovery would be a reason for me. Having a condition that would cause pain and suffering would be another story, I think. Speaking of animals, I do have cats and dogs and a spouse for whom I am willing to stick around even in pain; but not with dementia or Alzheimers, nothing that robs are person of their mind. I maintain that there could be nothing worse than that; the idea is worse than death to me. All the best to you and I hope your medications keep working for you and that you have the strength to go on in spite of your pain and illness.
Blessings,
Ms. Elphie
Depression is a symptom of this society. Taking the time off work is what saved me so that is a great suggestion. My experience with psychiatrists was off the chart nightmare. In fact, it caused my total disdain for the entire medical community. Now, I'm aware that they exist in a power vacuum of no responsibility. You really are better off taking your chances. My research led to the truth of the causes of depression which everyone seems to need to avoid at all costs.
Everyone needs to self medicate. Everything is a lie.
The reason I never finished myself off at the time I was going to is because I realized that reincarnation is real and if you do it you're likely to come back into the exact same existence. It's one of the big lies the government needs us to believe for the system to work. Even religions are full of it now.
The reason for this is simple. We lived in paradise once. Thousands of years ago a priest class took over control and in order to maintain their control they need to dumb us down. They've exploited every switch, every weakness and made us slaves so completely that they can tell us about it without fear of losing "this thing of ours" as they call it.
Now we live in a pathetic, egotistical, greedy, satanic, warmongering, controlled ratrace. The cities are particularly hopeless. I still can't get far enough away. It's such a rotten day when I go to the city now. I used to be a city person. Maybe it's just that city, but I doubt it.
Move to the country, create personal weath somehow, rebuild self esteem, stay away from people who watch TV, grow something, set some achievable goals. Get out of debt, reduce your dependence to things that produce bills. Above all find something thats fun, preferably legal, and do it all the time.
I got a motorcycle - the best single thing I ever did in my life. Everytime I ride it -as long as I stay away from the city - I'm smiling and happy. Laughing and yelling. It's good exercise you get fresh air and you get out of the house.
There was only one thing better, but the costs are like waaaay lower!
Odd that I should find city-life comforting in its anonymity while you find it overwhelming. If I go out away from the city, it is calming for a few days but then everything feels like it is closing in. I guess I need my electronig gadgets and feel the need to be near others in case I just can't hack it by myself. And I disagree that a "priest class" took over society. I think it is in the nature of man to seek something greater than himself or herself, and to seek spiritual guidance whether it is from men or god(s). If we couldn't reach beyond ourselves, where would we be?
What if you're unemployed for over 3 years, no more unemp benefits, ran through your meager 401k, are losing your house, DON'T have insurance, no money for doctor visits? I'm suicidal, want to die and I'm in this lousy position and I don't know where to turn. I know I'm one of millions and I'm not more special than anyone else. But can anyone help me please?
When you're flat broke and jobless it does seem so hopeless and so impossible to get out of the hole.
I didn't want to. I wanted to close my eyes and lay there. I couldn't move. I felt to tired to breathe.
My kids were upset, hungry, my "husband" was out drinking again. I'd been looking for a job for 3 years. Cut off notices and foreclosure notices rolling in daily. I just quit getting the mail.
I quit going out to put job applications. I started just doing them by the internet. Even with a decent education, I wasn't hearing from anyone for any job. The couple of jobs I heard from couldn't or wouldn't accomdoate my kids. We didn't qualify for any social aid programs. Life sucked.
It still sucks. I got a job. A whopping 8 hours a week at minimum wage for MONTHS. I kept applying and didn't get any feasible offers.
I finally managed to get into a full time position. At barely a dollar more than minimum wage and they call it management. I make less than I did 15 years ago. But we saved our house, pay most of our bills and now?? qualify for social aid. Go figure. We're barely making it.
I know things are better and yet I still feel hopeless and its hard to go on day after day. But I do. I have no idea what each day is going to bring. I have no idea if I'm going to make it through the day without losing my mind. I just keep going.
Please - JUST KEEP GOING. I do find some joys. I hold onto those fiercely. I can't afford to buy roses but i can stop and smell them while I walk into the grocery store to buy more cereal & hotdogs. I can still get there on my own. i'm the not the homeless guy who finds a bag from a store in our shopping center and puts something in it and pretends he was shopping while he uses our restroom to clean up. We all know the truth, we pretend to not see it, to give him his dignity. He's not all there or we'd try to find him some work to do. No one in my family is him so I'm grateful.
PLEASE hang in there. If you are that depressed walk into any health care facility and say so. An ER has to take care of you. They'll put you in touch with various programs that could possibly help.
You have a family depending on you. I can see how you cannot give up, cannot stop. But I'm alone, with a dog and a cat. I get money from my father every month to survive only I'm getting behind. He's not a rich man. If I just killed myself I wouldn't have this soul-crushing guilt and he wouldn't have to lose money every month he can barely afford. And I could stop the agony of everyday worry/life.
Trey117, just want you to know I'm thinking of you & hoping all good things come to you. Your dog and cat love you and need you. Please hang in there. There are free support groups in most cities (even small ones)--google your city or call aorund and try to find one.Warm wishes to you & all who are posting here.
It's been almost 8 years since I checked myself into the ER, after 2 weeks of darkness and researching ways to end my life - I looked to counseling services at school and finally was convinced to go to safe place. During that time I found an online site for suicide help - the Samaritans - I'm unsure if this is the same site: http://www.samaritans.org/ - but the anonymous communication I had with their counselor really saved my life, prevented me from hurting myself so I could go to a hospital and get help.
I hope you do seek out help because there *are* people out there who will help you and not expect anything in return except that you live. If you do feel that you need to go to a safe place - be sure to let people know you have your animals so they will be cared for...I am thinking good thoughts for you. The darkness is temporary! I know!!!!
Trey,
Even if it seems like it would be easier for your father if he wasn't helping you, he would much rather help you, even if it's hard, than see you commit suicide.
I know it's hard to believe right now, but please have hope that things can get better in the future. I used to think about committing suicide, but now I am thankful every day that I didn't. Now I have people that know me and love me anyway and I feel I'm making a difference in life. It's not easy, but it's worth it.
I keep thinking I really need to talk to a professional mental health person but I can't afford it. I keep trying to qualify for the free Palm Beach County healthcare (which my boyfriend has and it is AWESOME) but I keep NOT qualifying. Turns out after almost six months and having them start 2 cases on me I over qualify by an extra $100/month my dad sends. Apparently, and it's NO WHERE on the application/financial forms, that you cannot have more than $1200/mo coming in. But my bills are more than that and that's why my father sends me that much. Scumbag, govt B-STARDS!!! I'm a working person, been working all my life since I'm 13. I've earned some assistance and the only people that seem to get it are the non-Americans. Anyway, I'm starting to have chest pains and feel like it's just a waiting game before I'm dead. And THAT will just kill my father since he already lost his youngest, my brother, Sean. Granted it was 25 years ago but as a parent you never get over the loss of a child. Hell, I'VE never gotten over the loss of my baby brother. He was he nicest, most decent kid. It almost destroyed my parent's marriage. They kept it together for me and Joey but it was so hard for them. Mom died 5 years ago and, as big as a pain in the a I thought she was, I miss the hell out of her. Dad happily remarried his childhood sweetheart and I can't stand the thought that I might be making a strain on their marriage. Mom was pretty sick/miserable before she died and my dad is a SAINT so he deserves his happiness. I just feel like there's no hope, I start to think/worry, then the chest pains start. And why should I deserve any help? There are so many people with so many, much bigger problems. Look at the recent tornado victims, the flood victims. Why should I deserve any help over those poor folks? I'm just getting so tired. Everyday is a fight. And I'm started to drink too much, including in the morning. I know this is wrong but it's the only thing that keeps my mind off things. And, NO, I don't drink and drive.
Tray, I know you've heard it before, but here goes; God helps those who help themselves. How does that work for you? Well, you HAVE to remain positive, cut the negative thoughts crap. Cut the drinking, ITS A DEPRESSANT. Find some thing that makes you smile, makes you happy, whether its singing in the shower, chasing squirrels, whatever, as long as its cheap and legal. Quit dwelling on the negatives. Your younger bro wouldn't want you staggering around debating how sh!tty life is, etc. Remember, you are your best friend or your worst enemy, YOU decide that. Ask that boyfriend to help you find some thing positive about life. And pray, SINCERELY, pray, God will help. He's NOT going to knock you on you butt, so don't expect it, but its there, the help. It may be another person you might interact with. It may be a chance conversation with somebody. But HE is there, He has shown me too often that He is listening. And I'm certainly no angel, but I ask God for guidance. I truly believe He gives us choices throughout our lives. Make positive choices. How about helping at the local animal shelter? You like animals? How about planting something to grow? Whats makes you happy? Think about it, because you must remain positive in your thoughts, or you are inviting pain into your lie, pain that will harm someone else. Get up, walk a mile at your local church's Life Center, there's one near you, I'm sure. Seek it out, people at these centers don't bite, they're quite nice, in fact. Exercise helps to rid negative vibes, and GIVES YOU ENERGY...energy you need to keep that positivity that you need to survive. If you don't move around, you will be hurting yourself further. Even if you have to use a motorized scooter, move around. DON'T watch the evening news (depressing), watch Comedy Central...YES, laugh! But BE POSITIVE, or you will hurt the ones you love. Man was created with the desire to survive, you HAVE to motivate yourself to do it, stay positive, move positively, sweat with us oldies!!! I'm 53, have been depressed many times before, have bills like everyone else, aches and pains, got family/personal problems...I'm certainly not EVEN close to perfect, won't get there, but I push myself each day to make something during the day FUN...positive!! And NEVER lose your sense of humor. There's some funny stuff going on out there, just pay attention. Oh, and stay away from negative people, don't let them drag you down with them. If you want to help them, fine, but get something positive out of it, ok?
Tray, like one of the other posters said, pray, God IS listening, but He created you with the drive to survive, you just need some guidance from Him. May God bless you with positivity and happiness. I don't believe in luck, I believe in being fortunate. Oh, and don't forget to thank God for any positive feelings you receive, He appreciates that, and He will see you do, too.
I'm no expert on this; but have you contacted various banks/ credit unions regarding getting help with your house; and some of the legitimate groups who help people reorganize debt so that some/much of it is "forgiven" and you pay what you can in small increments to the others...
There are medical clinics based on income, as well as food stamps.....some therapists tied to local churches or the United Way will work with you for free or, again, based on income. That may not seem like your main issue but it COULD help and often such people have ties to other agencies who can genuinely help in terms of jobs or a permanent disability and social security help. You can apply online for social security disability and even look for a lawyer who specializes in it (since it can be a bit complex). It can take up to 2 yrs so be patient and work with these other people/organizations already mentioned.
Ask for help/loans from family or friends. Embarrassing, yes, but the worst they can say is no. Have your debts and assets written up before you approach them.
The Salvation Army will give you food vouchers if you meet criteria, they are actually one of the best groups for truly helping the needly IMMEDIATELY. (If you have no food at home its not helpful to wait 6 wks for help to come through).
Look into Reverse Home mortgages, or if possible sell the home and get an apartment or mobile home. Not ideal, but a place to live.
Good luck.....try not to constantly think of the worst outcome with all of this. Put your energy into going to places/ or phoning/ and asking for help and if there is none, then who would they recommend you to go to next??
Explain to your dr your situation and see what he/she can recommend in terms of free or inexpensive care elsewhere in the area; or he/she may keep you on for a while hoping along with you that things may change and you can pay again...
For dentristy, many schools associated with a university or even a community college, will give free teeth cleaning and even fillings as a way for the students to practice (under close direction of an instructor). There are many things like this, you must keep asking questions, not be afraid to say you need HELP and why. Go to job fairs, have a resume to bring along.....just don't give up.
I'm no expert on this; but have you contacted various banks/ credit unions regarding getting help with your house; and some of the legitimate groups who help people reorganize debt so that some/much of it is "forgiven" and you pay what you can in small increments to the others...
There are medical clinics based on income, as well as food stamps.....some therapists tied to local churches or the United Way will work with you for free or, again, based on income. That may not seem like your main issue but it COULD help and often such people have ties to other agencies who can genuinely help in terms of jobs or a permanent disability and social security help. You can apply online for social security disability and even look for a lawyer who specializes in it (since it can be a bit complex). It can take up to 2 yrs so be patient and work with these other people/organizations already mentioned.
Ask for help/loans from family or friends. Embarrassing, yes, but the worst they can say is no. Have your debts and assets written up before you approach them.
The Salvation Army will give you food vouchers if you meet criteria, they are actually one of the best groups for truly helping the needly IMMEDIATELY. (If you have no food at home its not helpful to wait 6 wks for help to come through).
Look into Reverse Home mortgages, or if possible sell the home and get an apartment or mobile home. Not ideal, but a place to live.
Good luck.....try not to constantly think of the worst outcome with all of this. Put your energy into going to places/ or phoning/ and asking for help and if there is none, then who would they recommend you to go to next??
Explain to your dr your situation and see what he/she can recommend in terms of free or inexpensive care elsewhere in the area; or he/she may keep you on for a while hoping along with you that things may change and you can pay again...
For dentristy, many schools associated with a university or even a community college, will give free teeth cleaning and even fillings as a way for the students to practice (under close direction of an instructor). There are many things like this, you must keep asking questions, not be afraid to say you need HELP and why. Go to job fairs, have a resume to bring along.....just don't give up.
Trey, one thing that has helped me is helping someone else. I don't have much, but I can make a pot of soup to share with my neighbor who doesn't have a car to get to the food shelf. Maybe there's a neighbor that could use some help around their property -- if you're in physical shape to help. Just getting the exercise of mowing a lawn, cleaning gutters, painting a front door can be good.
I'd suggest you write down the skills you have to share, including listening to other people, writing letters for the elderly who can't see well enough any more, By getting yourself out in the community, helping others, you are networking and letting people know you need a job, too. Who knows? You could end up getting a job doing what you love -- which, by the way, is what you should be doing as a volunteer. If you play a musical instrument, entertain at nursing homes. They love it! If you have woodworking skills, perhaps you can build bird houses to sell.
I don't know what your situation is as far as living in a house, an apt, etc. But I know you have skills you can contribute to society with, and this will help pass the time and occupy your mind until that job comes your way.
Blessings to you.
We all know that suicide is wrong. And if you think of it constantly and for months or years where it is overtaking your life, go see a doctor now and get on a powerful med. It's better to live in the la-la land these things put you in then to kill yourself.
But if you only occasionally think of suicide, I have a solution I figured out that has help me tremendously for the last 25 years (I first thought about suicide at 18 and had a gun in my mouth by 19. Lucky I dropped it on the bed). It sounds simple but here it is (please read all paragraphs below):
1) Suicide is most likely (but not always) a "permanent solution to a temporary problem." We have all heard this and it is for the most part true, and is probably true for you also. 2) So suicide is wrong - this is true and we all know that. But your mind goes to suicide and you run through plans, and the plan builds. These are real thoughts and real plans with real emotions and decisions owned by you. It's real and it's the path you're going down. OK, STOP!
Now sit and meditate on these 6 simple words: I can always kill yourself later. Do you have to be in such a hurry? Really? Maybe things will get worse, stay the same, or get better. You won’t know if you're dead. I can always kill yourself later. Put it off. Hold onto it in your heart because unlike what others say, you and I know it is a real decision and real emotion Don’t try to “push it away” because you and I know that doesn’t work! You see, you can always do it later. But just hold off. Please, my friend, don't make such a huge move just yet. Give life a little more time to improve and just live with the thought in your heart.
This one statement: "I can always kill yourself later" to someone who doesn't deal with suicidal thoughts is complete nonsense. But for me and now you it will allow you to be true to yourself and your emotions and thoughts (which are valid) and give you time to see if things improve. I now have a wife and two beautiful boys but that doesn't mean I don't still use this statement to help me. I have found purpose in providing for them but still think of myself as worthless (which I am).
By the way, I am a national TV personality, which you know, and no one knows what I go through. Most would be shocked as I wear a deep and convincing mask of happiness and self assurance. Remember that life is almost all BS. Find a small
This is really good advice. But I am so tired of people saying meds will put you in la-la land. Maybe for some people they have that effect. And some people can have a bad reaction to them.
For me, I took an SSRI and once it had built up in my system, I said, hey, I used to feel like this 10 years ago. I finally feel 'normal' again.
Having an imbalance of neurotransmitters in certain areas of the brain is not a weakness.
Ok, I'll get off my soap box now...
When I was ten, I started having terrible mood swings. They sent me to couselors, and finally to a psychiatrist, who after one session decided to put me on antidepressants. For ten years, I was a virtual zombie with no real feelings except total misery. Finally, a different doctor ran a blood panel, and there was the answer-thyroid deficiency. I took myself off the antidepressants, am no longer suicidal, and am upset at doctors whose first choice is antidepressants for treating every sign of pain or anger.
If you're depressed and don't know why, and days off don't help, there may be a valid medical reason for it. Don't give up on life until you've spoken to a REAL doctor and know all the facts. I almost killed myself once, and now I'm glad I didn't.
Pete...
I strongly disagree with you. As you can see by the number of comments Jerry's post has gotten I think the community here disagrees with you too. It is fine to disagree with content written here. It is not fine to disparage or insult any of the writers or members.
Our Eileen Bailey has written a post recently to discuss What It Means to be an Expert on Health Central. Perhaps it would clarify what we do here and why.
If you would like to talk about your personal experiences we welcome you to do so. This is a community of support.
I was hoping for some more specifics from the article but I understand it to be general in nature and trying to help in a more general way than what I was expecting. What do you do when you can't put off moving and the move itself is what is causing the sleeplessness and at least part of the depression. Sometimes the thing that depresses you most in your life isn't something you can avoid.
When I'm faced with something I wish was different than it is, I say the Serenity Prayer. It helps me every time!has helped so many times! Sometimes I have to repeat it several times, though. Of course, it only helps if you are a person of faith.
I feel blessed I've found something that will get me off my butt to do the thing I don't want to do or am wishing away.
I hope this will work for you, too.
Serenity Prayer
God,
Grant me the Serenity to
Accept the things I can not change,
Courage to change the things I can, and the
Wisdom to know the difference.
If you dig deep and get honest with yourself, you'll realize that the only thing you CAN change is yourself -- your attitude, your perspective.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy. There is a lot of information online about it and while it is best to go to group and individual therapy to learn the skills and work through issues, there is benefit in doing it on your own.
DBT teaches skills to control your emotional, ask for what you want, learn how to say "no", cope with distress, how to be mindful and live in the moment, how to improve interpersonal relationships, etc.
Search for it.. I know there is a page on the major social network dedicated to Marsha Linehan (DBT founder).
My daughter was siuidal and had many esteem issues.. it saved her.. it can help you too.
I've struggled with depression for years starting as a very young child because of sexual abuse by my Dad and bullying from the other kids in school. I have seen a number of therapists over the years and they helped me a great deal. I am now very happily married and in a profession I deeply enjoy. I don't have much money or the things money can buy but in many ways this has been a blessing as I have not had the money to afford medication for my moods and had to learn to control and defuse the depression with other things including diet, herbs and alternative therapies specifically Emotional Freeing Technique, Tapas Acupressure Technique and Reiki.
Half my problems with mood vanished with the successful treatment of a massive candida overgrowth in my body. A good deal of the rest of my problems settled down by eliminating grains and rice from my diet. EFT, TAT and Reiki have made these changes easy and safe plus defused my memories of sexual abuse and a hundred other issues. The Reiki class I took cost $35 and was worth a hundred times that. EFT and TAT are both free to learn off the internet. I have been using EFT daily since 2006 and it has helped every single thing I've addressed with it. I am currently seeing a therapist who specializes in using EFT and my progress with my family problems (my sister is a bully and my Mom is dying of cancer) has been tremendous.
Personally, I don't think medication does what it's supposed to do. I have a fair number of friends on mood medications and I'm just not impressed. Yes, the medication has allowed them to continue their lives- but that's just it, no changes in their lives for the better only a sort of dulled down continuing in the same rut. I'm very glad I have been too poor to afford insurance and access to most doctors as now I've avoided addiction, weight gain and continuing depression or other mood problems my friends are enduring.
My life isn't perfect- I still have problems and I am very sad right now and definitely have some depression as well but I have tools that work really well, that don't cost any money and have no negative side effects of any kind. My emotions are perfectly valid given my circumstances. I would not want to medicate them away. I'd rather experience them, work through them and go on stronger and happier afterwards. I know from my past experiences that this will happen. My dear, sweet Mom will die and I'll be very, very sad but I will live through this sadness and remember her beauty, wisdom and kindness and someday I'll feel joy again. As for my sister... well, I hope we remain friends but I'm not holding my breath. I'll get through this, too.
I think the ultimate trick to beating depression is just not giving up. I know that's sometimes the hardest thing in the world. Believe me, I've been there. But it's doable and even almost easy when you have real tools to defuse the crap that's making the depression happen in the first place. So don't give up! Take meds if that works for you, try other things, too, but don't give up and take a long, hard look at your life and figure out what you would be angry about if that was okay. THAT'S where your depression is probably coming from. :D Start dealing with that and you're on the right track and heading back to health again.
Peace!
You're right on about alcohol. In times of intense loss, especially personal loss, as in one's mate or a child or parent, alcohol does, indeed, help the pain; however, it makes the depression so much worse, which makes the pain worse, thus more alcohol. It's a vicious cycle to avoid at all costs. When depressed or when needing to make any important decision, definitely do not use alcohol or mind-altering drugs like Xanax, Valium, narcotics, etc. They all make depression worse and are virtually guaranteed to impair one's judgement and decision making. You'll be way ahead of the game by just getting off your rump and going to the gym. As for what's safe to drink? Think of Diet Coke or a nice glass or cup of tea or coffee or a chocolate drink, etc. Alcohol has no redeeming features.
If you're already caught up in the alcohol jungle, quit. There is no future there for you. And don't fool yourself into thinking you can taper off. You can't. It is in deed a baffling condition, and a powerful one. Try AA. It works for many, including me, and one doesn't get much worse than I got.. Whatever you do, don't replace it with any of the above-mentioned drugs. They will only make you worse.
Whenever I cogitate on this matter of depression and drugs, I can't help but remember something the late and great author, James Baldwin. I keep it on m frig door so I won't forget it.
We all pay for what we do,
More importantly for what we allow ourselves to become,
And we pay quite simply:
By the lives we lead.
The articles by "merely me" were excellent, and could have been written by/about me. I know there is a common "syndrome": Intern Hypochondriac or words to that effect, where MD Interns and Residents (as well as new RNs) think they have every disease they study or are in contact with. I'm an RN, and can relate to that, but I've also been an RN a VERY long time--time enough to be far past that.
All my life, from childhood on, I felt uncomfortable with "others", hated to go to any form of a party or kids' overnighter....and felt, no, KNEW, I was an unpopular kid.
As "merely me" said, there are the secret rules everyone else seems to know and that I'll never know. I've also had the problem at work where I just cannot make myself go to group outings....with a few exceptions such as when I have a co-worker friend who is very extroverted and takes it for granted I'll come, and as merely me said, is the person who takes care of how we get there, of all the conversation, and so on. I've had very bad, humiliating experiences from early childhood on where I was the last to be told something, or where, again with the work outings, I became almost overnight an outcast because a new person arrived in our work area who was such a strong, domineering person that she took over the group, and because I would not go to her weekly (at her home) group meetings and arts/crafts get togethers, I ended up as "out" as if it were junior high all over again.
I married very young and that too was a way to get out of a bad home situation. From the age of 18 I never again lived at my childhood home, just visited. So, though I had dated in high school, and "gone steady" as they called it then, (which was another way to be "safe" after all) I never went through the "dating scene" which for me would have been unbearable. My spouse is funny and super smart but one of the "up and down" moody people, which has gotten worse with age----so he is now more of a stressor than in the past. His moodiness and temper have become frightening, and too reminiscent of my childhood, where certain other men in the family "acted out" in the same way....
I was strict and harsh on my kids, as my mother had been with me. I didn't have enough insight then to see that what had made me so miserable, and made me hate her, was probably NOT the way to raise my own kids....the big change for me, and its hard to describe how huge, was when my family dr suggested Prozac to me in '89. It was still new then, and there was not all the propaganda against it, so one could say I tried it with a very open mind. I had not told my doctor I was depressed, but that I was constantly exhausted (true), could not get enough sleep, and though I probably didn't explain this clearly, not having read up yet on some of these issues, one reason I could not sleep was the continual rumination---thoughts from my past, or worries about my kids, going on over and over through my head continually. The Prozac "turned the switch off". The constant, nonstop rumination was simply gone, within 3-4 weeks of beginning it.
At this point in my life, after trying various other SSRI meds after a doctor I was seeing felt that perhaps I'd used Prozac long enough to need something a bit different, I am now on Cymbalta which is also a good one for me, no major side effects, no problems with it. (No other medicine of that type has ever again given me the huge change which Prozac did). I think I will always need some form of chemical boost to my brain.
As to the shyness: when at work, I "become" another character, a persona who is an RN, and am fine with coworkers, physicians and patients. Outside of that persona, I also have my "mom" persona....then there is ME, who prefers to stay at home and read....
When I was younger, I had pretty difficult bouts of dark depression-- not the blah mood but the dark despair kind of feelings that everyone is talking about here. It wasn't until I was probably 19 or 20 years old that I realized that my older brother had the same kinds of "moods," too-- and one day when I was visitng him, I asked him how he dealt with the depressions when they came. He said a most profound thing to me that helped me so much. He said: "I just keep reminding myself, 'I have felt this way before; I'll feel this way again, probably,' and just keep going." Whenever I was not in a dark place, it sounded kind of pessimistic or something to say, "i've felt this way before, I'll feel this way again," but the fact is that when I am in the depression, it has a way of normalizing the feelings. It helps keep me from going off the deep end and analyzing everything and trying to figure out what I have to change to try to stop feeling this way-- O MY GOD what can I do??? -- that kind of feeling-- or WHAT HAVE I DONE-- you know the feeling and the thoughts that snowball from that, if you have experienced what I'm describing. For me, just stopping all that by calmly saying, 'Yeah, I've felt this way before. I've been here before. And I'll likely be here again after this episode. Just let it go" really helped me treat the depression/moods as more normal, which at least kept me from adding anxiety and self-blame and despair on to the already dark pain. I could just hold myself on the couch and drink hot tea and think, well, this helped last time. . . . and I could feel more like I am just an ordinary person walking the same, ordinary path we all walk.
ALL of us suffer this kind of pain. Some only come to it way late in life, and thus when they are young they kick up their heels and act as if that is "normal."
There is no normal. There is only us. Doing the best we can, day by day.
There's a great short story by the wonderful Southern author Eudora Welty called "A Worn Path." It is about a very old woman walking through the woods to go get medicine for her grandson, which she does more often than not (hence the title)-- but the story is symbolic of the path that all of us walk. Sometimes it is the easy part, sometimes the pretty part, sometimes the scary part, and sometimes the really really hard part. Just keep walking, with love in your heart for those who depend on you-- like the old lady's little grandson-- and also for yourself who has to keep going when it is so, so hard.
When I'm able to do that, I'm able to recognize the parts of the road as I come to them, time and time again, and there's some comfort in that. Not to mention maybe a little strength and self-worth in seeing, finally, how well I am in fact doing it, over time. "Yep-- been here before. This is the hard part, just keep walking. I always feel better, somehow."
I love Eudora Welty! I even have a friend who heard her read a story live at a college campus some years ago. I don't remember that particular story, but I will go back and read it as soon as I can make the time.
One other thing I would add to your post. Not only when you are down and depressed can you say, "Yep, been here before." But when you are down, you need to remember, "Yep, I've felt better before and will again." I had an in defatigably positive therapist for 5 years who kept telling me, "Keep going -- things will change. You will walk out of this one day and back into daylight." And she was right.
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My marriage was totally depressing. He was a controller and abuser. Plus I was a perfectionist at home at at work. (A VERY demanding job.) And an approval seeker. Put all this together with the fact I never took a vacation or sick day, and there you have it. A perfect recipe for depression and suicidal ideation.
You are right that sometimes a little time off (from everything) can do wonders. I think if I had taken a mini-vacation all by myself, away from my husband and work, maybe I would have withstood the pressures a little better. But I also put too much pressure on myself to perform and never got time off for good behavior.
I finally went to see a psychiatrist when I seriously considered killing my husband. My first pdoc was a research doctor and had no clinical practice, so she just diagnosed me as bipolar and gave me a referral to a different pdoc. I just saw her because I HAD to see someone THAT DAY and I happened to work at a world-renown medical school where there were lots of research docs. It was none to early. I was also psychotic by this time.
Hey out there -- don't let it get to this point. When you feel depressed, especially when thoughts turn to self-harm fantasies, get help. Even if you just go to your primary care doctor. Many employers have "EAP" Employee-Assistance-Program where you can get a few free sessions with a counselor. At least such a counselor should be able to point you in the right direction as far as continued therapy or medical help. And don't be afraid to just go to your local emergency room, either. You need to be where you are safe if you are thinking of hurting yourself or others.
I hear ya there... For myself, besides the abuse and fear... having to worry about my children and losing my home and everything we'd known for 20+ yrs was beyond "low mood". PTSD and depression sets in (usually much later when settled a bit...). At that point making big decisions and life altering ones is essential. The basic info on diet... yeah yeah. I'm disabled with lupus and other complication. Depression is a part of it. This isn't something that can be detracted for me. I can not work. I can not do any of the things I ever enjoyed. In fact, I could die. Low mood and depression are not even close.
Being a survivor of sexual abuse from the age 0f 5-17... all this in one life.
Low mood, lol.
Been there too. Sexual abuse, violent relationships (one almost resulting in my death), depression, PTSD, Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, and Fibromyalgia. Diet matters, so does mood. And even with Lupus, there is so much you can do to improve both. I enjoy most of what I do every day, even when I can't do much of anything. Keep looking, and find someone who can help you build a meaningul life-- no matter what you have been through. You are NOT what you have survived, or what medical conditions you have. You are so much more than that.
Replying to "the First Time I went to a Psychiatrist"....be CAREFUL of the work-owned EAP's (employee assistance programs). As an RN, I've heard too many times the facility which creates/owns the EAP can get your records and use them against you if there are other factors in your work that may be negative...even if due to the very problems you're seeking help for.
I'd look into any other format of "help" first, before the EAP, but if its your only choice, do it. BUT ask clearly how much of what you say is available to whom in the organization.
For me, though I've seen various therapists, I've received FAR more help from the SSRI meds: Prozac, then others as they came onto the market. They react IN your brain to chemical problems in the brain....for me, I could talk to a therapist for 10 years and nothing "in" me would change, whereas after 3-4 weeks on Prozac, when it first came onto the market, my world, literally, changed.
As an added caution, the medications often come with unwanted side effects. When I went on Prozac for a short period of time, I lost down to 93 lbs. It took my appetite away totally. Then when I went on Zyprexa (an antipsychotic) I gained double my weight in a few months and it made me sleepy ALL the time. So for any "therapy" be it talk-therapy or med-therapy, there are pros and cons. The best thing is to be an informed consumer, and this site has a lot of great info. Thank you for your comments. I eventually started using Wellbutrin, which was a real turnaround point in my depression.
RE: my comment on what Prozac did for me in a positive sense when I started it in '89 (when it was brand new and the Scientologists and media "chicken little the sky is falling" types had scared so many people away from it and meds like it.....
Some people benefit and some people also need talk therapy (NOT a psychiatrist: they may manage your meds but nowdays don't do talk therapy routinely.) Usually Mental Health Social Workers and Psychologists are the experts who do that.
I've tried it, for varying lengths of time with different people and got nowhere. Felt like I was repeating my life story for the umpteenth time and nothing they said helped, it seemed like cliches. One did tell me something that I've remembered and used to help myself: "activity dissipates anxiety"....because I know I tend to get into a downward spiral if I let myself do so. Dwelling on problems ie "ruminating" constantly is another bad habit. One thing, again, on that subject, is wearing something like a rubber band on your wrist and snapping it when you start up the rumination/ negativity thing. Not to really hurt yourself of course! Just a reminder to break the habit.....
I lost a lot of wt when I started Prozac.....then it stabilized (I was not over weight when started it). So, I doubt most people if they lose wt on it or another med, need to become extremely anxious about that either.....some meds cause weight gain, but there again, things should stablize out, if you can manage not to gain too much, and therefore have a lot to lose later on.