My spouse is Bipolar please help

By Justlookingforhelp Monday, March 14, 2011

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My wife has been diagnosed as bipolar and for the almost 15years we've been married we have delt with that. Recently we have had to have her put under 72hr mental care twice. She has the idea I am not her husband that there are five of me, that I am working with her friends to torment her. She says she can't trust me, I have never cheated or anything like that, but she continually says I have cheated with people she knows...I actually dont really know these people at all. She has, recently, begun to believe our daughter is not ours and her mother is not her mother. She has seen her doctor who has perscribed a few things, it actually is worse now. It has begun to wear heavely on us (my daughter, my mother-in-law, and me all live with her in the same house) . I don't get enough sleep, she lost her job as she felt I was leaving the country. She spent most of last Monday night screaming and crying as she felt my daughter was being attacked (she has never harmed my daughter BTW). It's like there is a switch that goes off and she changes. I get anxious just going home as I don't know which person I'm coming home too. I love my wife very much and don't feel leaving will help me and definatly will not help her we are at our wits end.

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Judy

3/14/11 6:56pm

Hi, there. I'm so sorry that your wife is experiencing all of this and you, in turn, along with her. I'm wondering if your wife is seeing a psychiatrist and, if so, if bipolar disorder is her only diagnosis. Is she on medication? Usually, medication will keep the mood swings under more control than this, but it also sounds like there's a lot of paranoia and anxiety going on. We do have a Bipolar site that you might find helpful, as well.

Also, it might be helpful for you to have some support from somewhere, maybe a clergyman or a therapist or close friend. Your wife apparently isn't being adequately helped by whatever treatment she's getting, so maybe that needs looking into.

I encourage you to do whatever you need to do to make sure your wife is getting the best treatment possible and to also take care of yourself, as you can't be helpful to her if you're not well yourself. Write here again if it helps, maybe someone else will have some ideas for you. Take care and let us know how you're doing.

Justlookingforhelp

3/14/11 7:15pm

Bipolar is not her only diagnoses, depression is another. I should have included that. She just started seeing a Phyciatrist who is perscribing medication but that was only last week. Her main doctor started her on Paxil a month ago, but thats when things went bad (I think) she is off that now. We are not really church going family as much as I'd like. I was brought up in a Catholic home in a Catholic school, my wife was not. So I really, outside of family, have no one to talk with. There are times she is fine then others I seem to be the cause of everything from her car losing gas to her not finding her make-up. My daughter told her teacher about how things have been and a social worker is now involved. I'm scared they may take my daughter. Things may come down to committing her and I really don't want that either...

Judy

3/14/11 11:30pm

Hey, just hang in there. It may take a while for the medication to work. Do you really think they would take your daughter from you? Are you not doing well? Try to just take this one day at a time, maybe talk to a psychologist/therapist for yourself. It's not easy to cope with this stuff. If your wife has to go to the hospital, at least she'll be safe and maybe they can then get her on the right meds. My son was hospitalized twice after suicide attempts and at least while he was there I could relax a little. I hope things will settle down soon for you. Look after yourself, too - your daughter needs you. I know it's very stressful to have to worry about your wife and remain strong for your daughter, but that's why I'm suggesting a therapist who can help you sort things out and be a support.

Do keep us posted on everything is going, okay? I'm wishing the best for you.

Merely Me, Health Guide

3/15/11 8:06pm

Hi there

First of all I am really sorry you are going through this. I have a mother who has schizophrenia so I can relate to some of the turmoil you and your family must be going through.

You mention that these things happened after the medication was prescribed? Is that accurate? I am wondering if you have spoken to her doctor about whether or not the behavior you are seeing could be in any way connected to her current meds or dosage. What all is she taking? Is there any chance that there is more going on here than Bipolar Disorder but maybe some psychosis? My mother had the same ideas that I wasn't me...I was an impersonator and so forth. So I have personally been through these delusions before.

Was there any great life stressor which happened before her break down? It might be good to write down anything which could indicate a pattern or possible triggers. This way you have some data to take to the doctor.

Is there any way that the social worker involved could be helpful...in getting your wife more assistance? How old is your daughter?

I think in this case...you kinda have to go into crisis mode. Make sure your daughter is okay. Make sure you are okay to keep the household intact and functioning. It does sound like your wife needs more therapeutic care than her present doctor is giving her. These are your priorities

Here is the link to a national support group called The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance.

I think it would be a good idea to connect with this support group and see what advice they offer. In the meantime please feel free to come here to write or on our bipolar site.

Please let us know what happens. I hope things get better for all of you.

Justlookingforhelp

3/17/11 2:59pm

Social services was gong to take my daughter, but have ordered my wife to stay away from her for a week (she is staying at her fathers) until evaluated by a phyciatrist and deemed stable enough to come home. She right now is blaming me for this, but it was my daughter who reported how scared of her she was. I tried to tell them that in the last few days, on her new meds schedule, her whole temperament has been a little different, as she has spent more time with the family during dinner (even cooking it, which she has not done in years), helping with my daughter's homework and even just watching T.V. She does still turn on a dime but she calms a little faster, all that may have helped my daughter not being taken away. My daughter is 14 and I can see how it is affecting her now, although some of her attitude may be because she is a teen ager she has become more distant and almost talks down to her mom.

As for medication her doctor first prescribed Paxil at a low dose, she seemed to get worse so he upped it and that really did not help. Her doctor is almost 80 yrs old and his idea of help, at first, was for her to look in the mirror and tell herself everything will be fine...but since she was admitted this last time for a 72hr psychiatric hold, which actually turned into 96 hrs, he is the one who made her psychiatrist appointment. She is now on seroquel and two other meds, I am not sure what they are. I am not sure what triggers her: she smells me, looks to see my eyes are the same color she remembers, there are words if spoken will anger her, the way someone positions their fingers or hands, and even noises I make while asleep. You may be right, as her manic depression and bipolar may have started to move into some kind of psychosis. I understand that some of the things my wife may say are not really her, but it's difficult not to react to some of the hurtful things said. This is the first time I have said this much about everything and I think it helps a little.

Justlookingforhelp

3/29/11 2:03pm

I just wanted to update things as they are now. My wife is still not allowed to come back to the house (it will be two weeks 3/30), but she is allowed to visit our daughter for a couple hours a day. She comes over for dinner and to help around the house to be near our daughter, although we have not seen her in two days. Her psychiatrist, I have a feeling will not say she is stable to return all together. My wife did start a local outpatient counseling and educational program with a local hospital, but after the first day wanted to quit. She is to take a random drug test (as I am), but I am not sure if she made it to that. She did become angry about the testing yesterday and blames me, so she wants me never to call her again, that I win she is now out (of the house) for good, and that I am letting people hurt my daughter, etc...I hope this is all her anger talking I don't want to lose her. One real sad thing about all this is my job recently had a bomb scare...a women called it in...first thing in my mind was, my wife. After I thought about it, I knew she would not have done it, but I felt bad that was my first thought. My bosses also thought the same thing, based on her ramming my car on company property incident. They are now thinking of filing a restraining order (per the Sheriffs suggestion) against her so she cannot visit me at work. Another sad side to this is now my wife is not around much my daughter seems a lot more happy and carefree. I wish this all could just end and we could be a family again, but I may be losing faith in that.

My spouse is Bipolar please help

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