Feeling overwhelmed....with issues I need to deal with...
If we weren't treated with respect and caring and our needs were ignored as children, then when someone treats us this way again...or the same person...our parent...triggers us...then we begin to think again...we don't deserve kindness, happiness, caring...even though we know this is not true either...but the subconscious gets triggered....
One thing at a time...and I know when the days start getting lighter, I feel better..and I am on edge..and have been triggered...
One of my biggest triggers is feeling I have to ask people who can act very meanly and cruelly towards others ...and my wellbeing is at stake...to do something...
Or if I am already 'triggered' and then come in contact with such a person...
Well, in PTSD, all this starts an avalanche of past memories and body memories..and emotional memories...and traumas...
Well ...it is not surprising all this has been stirred up...got an email from my father yesterday...talking about some things that triggered me...so terrified of his potential for cruelty...due to his ignorance...that is in my opinion why anyone is cruel...ignorance..
But anyway, I need to ground myself and recenter myself...now...I am here today, it is now, not then...that is how I need to ground myself...reminding myself that I am 42...not 5....and that I have many more options and resources and skills to take care of myself..even though these 'old' feelings and emotional states have been triggered...
I may cancel my appointment with my therapist today...not sure...if all this is too intense..she is the one that is supposedly going to 'help' me with all this 'triggering' back into childhood feeling states, and issues with my father...etc..
But just not sure about her when I am triggered like now...I need to be calm to evaluate things...and her...
Wow, I know that I am just 'triggered' and that all these things are triggering me lately and that they will subside...just a bit of PTSD....and 'old stuff' being triggered...
Will go to the mountains or for a walk with a friend today...have to recenter...but also need to talk about this stuff and eventually work through it..with a trustworthy person...
When I get triggered like this by an email from my father...I begin to have that familiar feeling also of 'not feeling worthy' of respect, kindness...after all, that is what I experienced from my own father...but I know now it is his ignorance..not me...but still triggers me...sometimes a lot...
Too many triggers lately...and not enough sun and exercise...
Hey Marishka
Sorry to hear that your fears and memories are being stirred up. I know from my experience how very difficult it is to deal with the avalanche once it begins.
So did you end up going to therapy or getting outside for a walk instead? Are you feeling okay about your therapist?
Let us know how you coped today. Some days are better than others I know.
Hi MM,
Well I coped pretty well considering I think! I ended up going for several short runs in the neighborhood. Then I took an ativan and rescheduled my appointment with my therapist for next week.
She was very nice and called back and offered to talk. After the ativan, though, I went to sleep as sometimes happens with ativan...so I missed the call. But I think I needed some time out so it is fine...
I feel better tonight...cats are doing better and many things are better...but I do need to deal with these deep issues at some point...slowly...
not when I am in the middle of a trigger, then I just need to slow down and calm down...
Also though, the everyday needs to get done...so balance..
thank you MM,
the support on here is a huge help and blessing
have a good night
Marishka